Thursday, March 26, 2009

Later That Same Day...

In recent times in North America, the expression, "The Biggest Loser" has had good connotations due to the popular television show, rather than the traditional negative ones. I feel the need to clarify that when I say right now that I am officially the biggest loser, I am not referring to the new, more positive meaning of the expression. No, I'm talking about being a good, old-fashioned loser. I am still at home, though I should be in my doctor's appointment right now. My mother-in-law called me around lunch time to see whether I was still going in. She was concerned about road conditions because reports were showing visibility issues with blowing snow and whatnot. I had been planning on going, but then questioned whether I should or not. Truthfully, going to town was the very last thing I felt like doing, but it has to get done sooner or later. I decided that I would call Mike and get his opinion because he travelled in to town this morning for work. I did not reach him until after 12:30 p.m., but he told me it was really no big deal and that I should go. So, I continued packing and got everything ready, and then went outside with all my stuff to pack the van and start it before taking the boys down.

There was a LOT of snow on the deck, and I nearly slipped down the stairs (our staircase has about 10 stairs), and I confess I found myself feeling very annoyed by this entire situation. My shoes were full of snow. Yes, I chose to wear runners rather than boots because at my appointment I have to take off my footwear to get weighed, and I thought slip-on shoes would be easier than lace-up boots, hence my logical but foolish decision. Now my socks are cold and wet, and I am just generally angry that we are getting this much snow when we should already be wearing spring jackets, and I can't help but be a bit annoyed that Mike does not worry about me more. I know, not rational. I just wished he would have told me to stay home because with everything in me, that is all I really wanted to do. But, I hauled my butt and my stuff through the snow and loaded the van, and then started it. It was covered in snow, and wouldn't you know it, there was no scraper/brush to clear it off with. Mike took it in his car. I decided not to worry about it for the time being, and returned to the house to get Jamie out of his crib and get both boys dressed for the trip. It was almost 1 p.m. and Jamie was not going to have time to eat lunch before we left, but I figured he could just eat when he got to the farm. I finally got everyone loaded in and ready to go by 1:10 p.m. and I backed out of my parking spot, preparing for the Indiana Jones ride from Disneyland once again, minus the excitement and the fun of knowing that nothing can actually go wrong. Unfortunately, the hood was covered in deep snow and I was having a hard time seeing well ahead of me. Still, I could see the ruts, which were now running through another thick blanket of white snow, rather than just the frozen slush from earlier in the week. I proceeded ahead.

Cody asked whether we were going to get stuck, and I replied with confidence that no, we were not. After all, I had successfully navigated this driveway several times since the fiasco on Monday morning and I knew that though it would be a bumpy ride, it would not be a one-way ticket to nowhere like last time. Lately it feels like I lie to Cody a lot. I am forever telling him that we are going to the farm, or that his Auntie or cousins are coming to see him, and inevitably it ends up being false. Though it is no fault of my own, I still feel badly telling him that something is going to happen and then forever disappointing him when it does not. We navigated the first turn in the driveway without a significant problem, but then somehow we were no longer in the ruts and we were blazing a trail of our very own. We were still on the road, but our tires were making their own tracks and soon the van violently protested. It lurched diagonally straight for a tree and I hit the brakes to save the van, and there we were, across the driveway at an awkward angle about a foot and a half away from a skinny but significant tree. Phew. Missed that one. I had a bad feeling though, and with good reason. We were indeed stuck. There was no moving forward or backward more than an inch. I felt like a complete loser. How could I possibly have gotten stuck AGAIN? I don't remember the last winter when I ever got stuck anywhere with a car, and now this was the third time in about three weeks that I have been hopelessly stuck somewhere. I was reduced to tears and ranting, which Jamie was oblivious to, but Cody was clearly picking up on my stress. He whined over and over again that he didn't want to be stuck and that he wanted to go to Grandmama's house, but my nerves were shot and I finally shouted at him to stop it because we WERE stuck and there was not a darn thing I could do about it. So, I called and cancelled my appointment for the second time this week, and told Mike's mom that I would not be coming over, and then I surveyed the van to see what all I needed to haul back up the road to the house. Diaper bags? Nope, those could stay where they were. Food bag? Yep, have to bring that or Jamie's milk will freeze. My purse? Yep. There's pee in it, and we don't want that freezing. Yes, I said pee. This is the second time this week that I had to pee in a cup first thing in the morning before I can even see properly and then pour it in a tube with a lid, and then seal it in a plastic bag and pack it in my purse to transport to the doctor's office. I find it disgusting, and a little disconcerting, but that is how they do it at my clinic. So, I put my book inside of my purse, slung it over my shoulder and grabbed the plastic bag with Jamie's lunch in it, and then I released prisoner number one: Cody. I told him to start walking back towards the house and I would get Jamie. I trekked around to the other side of the van and hauled out my 24 pound one year old. We then made our way through the deep and narrow tracks back to the house. Radar was delighted with the whole situation and considered himself to be walked.

I was not delighted in the least. I am still very angry about the whole thing, and I can't help but feel like a huge loser. I'm sure if Mike was driving, he would not have gotten stuck. It just makes me hate myself for being so stupid. I know that is harsh, but I am pregnant, and there are no such things as mild emotions when you are least not for me. I figure that he must think I'm a ditzy space cadet air-headed girl to have gotten stuck again and my self-esteem was already suffering greatly these days. So, that is how my day has gone down.

Incidentally, I had plans this evening in town with the girls from work and I will now not be able to go through with those either, though perhaps it is just as well as I doubt I would be very good company in my present mood. So, my stressful plans were thwarted, but my fun ones also fell through. This is now just another day of staying at home and getting nothing done. What I wouldn't give for a nap right now, but both of my boys are awake and it looks like it will remain so for the rest of the day. I am hungry. I would like a Big Mac. Or a frosty. Or pizza. Maybe that would soothe my frazzled nerves. I must end this before it gets even worse. Bye for now.

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