Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Caught Off Guard...

It is lunch time, and both boys are eating quietly. How nice! I'm not sure whether to say that our day so far has been a good one or a bad one. Perhaps I will just say that we have had some calm, quiet moments, and we have also already had a lot of tears, shouting, little brothers getting hurt, and a poop through the pants. Jamie is still getting over some kind of odd stomach bug, so I cannot put him back in his cloth diapers just yet. He had a bad rash the past few days, and I cannot use his cream with the cloth diapers, so he has actually had some leaks that he otherwise wouldn't have. At least today it was not while he was on my lap. Small mercies.

I would have to say that the highlight of my day so far was when I had an unexpected visitor. In case I have not mentioned it or described it before, our house is built on an acreage, consisting of 80 acres of trees. Our house and yard are not visible from the road. Our driveway looks more like two tire tracks that disappear from the road around the corner into the trees. If a person does not watch for it carefully, they will drive right past before even seeing that there is any path there at all. Even we have driven past at times. Having said that, we do not get a lot of people just dropping in. Amazingly, we have had J.W.'s here twice...or was it three times? But other than that, in the last two years I don't think we have had one person stop in, other than relatives.

Then, twice in the span of about two weeks, I had someone show up unannounced. We have a German Shepherd cross, that looks almost purebred, but he is a useless guard dog. He is very diligent to keep the yard clear of squirrels and prairie chickens, and yes, he does also keep out the more threatening creatures such as deer and even coyotes. However, he NEVER barks at people. I suppose this is good for the most part, but I wouldn't mind having a warning bark when a vehicle approaches the yard. A couple of weeks ago, Cody was playing outside by himself and I was getting Jamie ready to go out too, when suddenly the front door opened and Cody walked in with a man. I was sitting on the floor, looking extremely frazzled, trying to get Jamie dressed, and I'm sure my jaw dropped open and I just stared like an idiot. The guy explained that he was with the hydro company and they would be working on some poles down the road so would be shutting the power off for about half an hour. It was no big deal, but I felt kind of bad that I had left Cody unattended (even though it was likely only one minute) while a stranger came in the yard.

Today, I was sitting in the kitchen, which had not been cleaned yet. I was eating my lunch at the island counter while Jamie napped and Cody watched his show, when there was a knock on the door. First of all, let me say that we have two entrances to our house. One of them comes into the living room, and the other into the kitchen. The kitchen doorway opens into a very small space between our fridge and our pantry. It is where the dog sleeps, and only Radar ever comes in and out that door, unless Mike is barbecuing on the deck out there. Additionally, we keep our large garbage can just out that door, and Radar's dishes. For some reason, most people who come over for the first time (and one person who has been here a million times) feel compelled to use that entrance. I don't know why. I guess it is technically the closest one to the driveway, but it is cluttered with a dog crate and a barbecue and a garbage can whereas the other deck has only a nice patio swing on it. But I digress. I was somewhat horrified, and my teeth were undoubtedly full of my lunch, but I tried to swallow my pride and I answered the door. There was a woman there who introduced herself as my neighbor. Yes, I have lived here for three years and I have never met my neighbors. We only have two sets, and the other ones I don't even know their names, though technically they live closer to us than she does. Anyway, she was doing some canvassing for charity, but I was still mortified that she had seen me for the first time like this. I have not showered today, or even yesterday, for that matter. My hair is a mess, and I am wearing a shirt that is almost 15 years old. It has holes in it, and paint stains. Hm. Nice. My pants, which are about as flattering as a potato sack, also have holes in them. In the name of all things decent, I should really never wear this ensemble, and yet it seems to be my stay-at-home-mom outfit of choice. (Or lack of choice, maybe.) My kitchen has several dirty dishes that needed putting away, though it was not as disastrous as it was at the beginning of yesterday. All in all, I was quite embarrassed. In retrospect, I was actually glad that she did not choose the living room door, as that room is even worse! There are toys and books everywhere, and even various articles of children's clothing tossed about on the floor. My house is like an hourglass. If I clean the mess in one room, it's like I just turned over the glass and the mess runs into another room. How in the world did the housewives in the 50's do it??

I have since been on something of a cleaning spree in my kitchen, though I have not gotten to my living room yet. I would love to be in a place where I would not have to be embarrassed if someone dropped in unannounced. Well, I guess I would still be embarrassed by my own appearance, but at least my house could look good, right? I'm planning to have a productive day today. Funny thing to say after lunch though, right? Half of the day is already gone, but I intend to do some major cleaning today. I am going to wash the floor in the kitchen. I won't say how long it has been, but generally I avoid doing it because Jamie tends to throw mass amounts of food down three times a day, and the thought of washing it and then immediately having it victimized again has been too discouraging for me to face. But no more. Today, the kitchen floor gets washed, even if nothing else gets done at all! Haha. Not that I want to get overly ambitious or anything, but I am also intending to cook some kind of supper tonight. Hm. We'll see how that goes.

And now, I am off. I think I have said more than enough for one post!!!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Just Have to Get This Out!

It has been a few days since I have posted in here. I have a lot on my mind, so I'm not sure yet what is going to come out in here. I had an experience in the last few days that really bothered me, and I feel like I must vent about it. The problem is, this is a public blog, so I don't want to be too specific because I don't want anyone to know who or what I am talking about. I will give it a shot, and if it comes out badly I will not publish it. I used to be called "The Queen of Vaguity" for my skill in being terribly vague when attempting to talk about something important to me. Let's see if I am still worthy of the crown.

Here is the thing. As a parent, I have to make many decisions about my kids' lives and how I am going to raise them. I am happy to say that I have a husband who supports me (and vice versa) and that we are in agreement with our parenting strategies. Most of our friends and family are also parents of young children right now, and even so, we all do things differently. It seems to be that when it comes to raising kids, everyone has an opinion, and that is okay. I confess, I have been guilty on many occasions of judging others on their parenting choices. I know this is wrong, and I try my best to just live and let live. The bottom line is, as long as people are not mistreating or neglecting their kids, it is really nobody else's business how they raise them.

Having said that, I have had situations where I felt openly judged, and one of those situations was very recent. As I have mentioned previously in this blog, I have decided (along with Mike) to cloth diaper this next baby and Jamie too. This is something I never would have previously considered until I heard of something called gDiapers, which are a cross between cloth diapers and disposables, but are biodegradable so they are much more environmentally friendly than disposables. I am not really an environmental freak, but I do feel bad throwing away so many diapers each week. Still, I never would have considered cloth because I thought it was a rag wrapped around a baby's bum and fastened with pins, with an ugly plastic cover pulled up over it that looked something like an old-style shower cap. When I saw the gDiapers on their website and saw how incredibly adorable they are, I took a second look. What I found out is that gDiapers, while environmentally friendly and also adorable, are also far more expensive than disposable diapers. Hm. That was a deterrent for me, as we are trying to save money, not spend more of it. Then I found out about cloth diapers and how different they are from the rags that my own mom used back in the day. Wow. They are super-cute, and as it turns out, they are less stinky, have less diaper rash and are less expensive than disposables, and are easy on the environment at the same time! So, that is why I began researching them to the point of driving myself nuts. In the end, we have decided to go for it, and we are using them on Jamie already.

That's a bit of background. Now, when you tell people you are cloth diapering your baby, most of them think you are nuts. I don't really blame them because before my research, I would have thought the same thing. That's okay. I don't expect anyone else to jump on board and cloth diaper along with us. What does bother me though, is "the look". Please believe me when I say that I would never consider doing this if it were going to be in any way detrimental to my kids. In addition, I am not asking anyone else to change a cloth diaper for me. It is MY problem, and MY work. And guess what? I don't mind. Truthfully, I kind of enjoy it. Not the change so much, but the laundry. I know, it's weird. But I have a right to be weird, don't I? So please feel free to disagree with me, and even to secretly think that I am a lunatic. But don't give me dirty looks or think of me as a bad mother because I am doing this. Seriously. I have seen "the look" from a couple of different people, but I have also seen a harsher look that seems almost hostile or angry. I can't understand why someone would be offended that I am using cloth diapers. Grossed out, maybe, but offended?

Therein lies the real problem. I am too easily bothered by what other people think of me. I am also overly sensitive these days due to my pregnancy hormones, I guess, because I have been depressed because of feeling so judged. That has in turn made me assume other things that people think about me. Those things may or may not be accurate, but right now I am feeling like I need to be alone with my kids for the rest of the week, where nobody else can be offended or annoyed by my parenting, or even by my mere presence.

This has been a vent. It is nothing more. I just had to get that out of my system because I couldn't seem to let it go or get it off my mind. I have not been as vague as I originally intended, so I am clearly not worthy of the crown anymore, but I got it out of my system, and that is what I needed to do.

Jamie just woke up, and he has an upset tummy so I now have the challenge of figuring out what to feed him for lunch that will be bland enough not to bother him. The rest of my day will be spent cleaning, and maybe even cooking. I am feeling ambitious today. Hope everyone else has a good day.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Downer today.

We have made it to Wednesday, which means we are almost halfway through the week. Today has been all right so far. Both boys woke up at 6:20 a.m. so that was not cool. Jamie went back to sleep for an hour or so, but Cody did not. Hm. By 7:30 a.m. I heard Cody say from the kitchen, "I'm soaked. I need to use the potty." And so begins another day. Sure enough, he had peed his pants, which is very rare for him, by the way. Unfortunately, he has not learned to just go to the bathroom when he has to go, so if no one asks him or forces him to go, he simply won't. That's the one part of the potty-training thing that he has not got down.

So I figured it would be a good day to do the boys' laundry. I guess I blew that one, because Jamie had a major poop blow-out during his nap. I mean right out of his clothes and everything. The laundry was already done, so I guess it will be round two. I think we might have a bit of a bug here. Jamie was not happy during breakfast either and all he ate was half of a bun with butter and jam on it, and a handful of cheerios. (I'm not really feeling so hot either, for that matter.) He is eating goldfish now, sitting on the floor beside his brother watching Go Diego Go!. It's quite cute. Jamie is in Cody's plush chair, and Cody is on the floor beside him. They are so adorable.

I thought we were all going to nap this morning. I put us all down at about 9:30 a.m. and Jamie went right to sleep. Cody was quiet, so I thought the miraculous had happened and he was sleeping. I was about to put down my book and go to sleep, but then Cody came in my room. He never slept, but he did have a nice quiet time, so I did too. It was not sleep, but it was quiet, and that is priceless around here.

I am a touch depressed today. I think it's because I am feeling extra isolated right now. I had tentative plans for the day, but they fell through, and I guess I started reflecting on friendship and how it is affected by marriage, and subsequently by parenthood. I hate the feeling of "not having a life" just because I am a mom. Right now I feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to. Everyone else is too busy to talk or to get together, and that leaves me here with these two. They are great company, but not the best conversationalists. Well, Cody can certainly carry on an extensive conversation, but it is not really the same as someone that I can share my feelings with or confide in. I guess this is to be a lonely season in life. Don't get me wrong. I know it is worth it. It's just that today I am feeling down, and somewhat tired of being the only one who feels a need to be with other grown-ups. I feel like a pest now when I call people. Man, I need a nap!!! I better sign off for now. If I weren't so tired I think I would go to town. I have an important errand that needs to be run, but I don't know whether I should go all the way to Brandon for that. Guess we'll see how the afternoon goes. Bye for now.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I made it!

So, I survived my week of single motherhood, and phew! I wouldn't want to do that long term! Today we are back into our regular routine after having Mike for one day. He is at work today, but it doesn't feel as bad, knowing that he will be home for supper, or at least for bath time. Today, I decided to be domestic and make buns. I think I have finally got it down. Today is the first time I have ever made a whole batch of buns without making a single mistake. They turned out quite nicely, and I'm rather proud of them. Of course, putting such a supreme effort into a culinary task did require some sacrifice in other areas, and my kitchen is now back to being a disaster, after being clean for one day. I am currently enjoying a tiny bit of quiet time while Cody plays nicely in his room and Jamie is down for his second nap. I will try to work up the energy to clean in a while, but for now, this is my "me time".

This is not a lengthy or deep post, but that is really all I have to say at the moment. I am suddenly having a hard time keeping my eyes open, and an ominous silence has descended on my house as well. There is a good chance that Cody is falling asleep, which will require my immediate and possibly extreme intervention. Hm. I just called out and asked him if he wanted to come out now and he said, "No, I have a problem." I got very nervous for a moment, and wondered exactly what kind of predicament he had gotten himself into, but it turns out it was just a toy that he thought was broken. I have now fixed the toy, and saved the day. I will sign off for now. My "quiet time" is over, but we have still not entered sheer chaos, so I can still relax for just a little while longer. Once Jamie wakes up, I will be washing cloth diapers, so things will get interesting at that time! Bye for now.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Reaching My Limits Here...

This has not been the best day so far. Cody was crying before I even got out of bed, and then when I finally sent him to use the bathroom I heard him shout out, "Mom! I need you! I peed all over the floor!" He was not really exaggerating either, and I was not impressed, as it was definitely his fault. He is trained and knows how to do it properly. Then he tossed his pants towards me to put them back on, and they landed in the pee. Great. So I tossed them into the dirty laundry pile and got him dressed and sent him on his way. When I went out to the kitchen, I found my canister of coconut sitting on the counter, lid off, almost completely empty. There was A LOT of coconut in there before. There was coconut all over the floor, but not nearly enough to compensate for what was missing, so I am guessing that Cody and Radar probably shared in the treat. I yelled at him, holding the canister up, and then set it down forcefully on the counter. Well, I missed, and it went flying, and the remains of the coconut fell in a big pile on the floor and all over my new stove top. Then Cody started wailing, and I started crying out of frustration. He knew better, seeing yesterday morning he got in trouble when I caught him sitting on the couch with the chocolate chip canister open and in front of him, and his hand inside, helping himself to a morning snack. Does anybody sell steel safe doors that I could install on my pantry?? Seriously?? I am getting desperate here.

One of my cats was wandering the house, howling, and I was concerned that she needed to use the litter but wanted to use something else. (Why else would she just be howling like that?) So, I decided the best thing to do would be to toss her outside. My cats are not outside cats. One of them (this one) loves going outside, but ever since we got Radar (three years ago, almost) she is too scared because he chases her. So, neither of them ever go out. Well, I was not about to take a chance because I had the distinct feeling that she was looking for trouble, so I grabbed her and carried her to the door. She panicked, of course, and dug her claw deep into my arm and gave me a nice cut, about an inch long, that bled onto my shirt and puffed up and turned slightly purple. I was not happy, but I threw her out anyway. She is still out there.

I made breakfast for my boys and got them eating, and while I was doing that I saw something on my shirt. I thought it was chocolate, so I brushed it off. It did not come off, but it did smear on my shirt, right on my belly. I thought nothing of it and continued making food, and eating my own toast. It wasn't until later that I became suspicious of the brown substance on my shirt and gave it the sniff test. It was not chocolate. It was most certainly poop. Where it came from, I cannot be sure, but I am fairly certain that the culprit was Tabu. (The cat.) I was furious, and went and changed my shirt and washed my hands twice, thoroughly.

When I came out to the living room, Jamie was sitting on the lazy boy with a container of applesauce, which was on his hands, face and of course, all over the lazy boy. Okay, not all over, but a couple of good wet puddles of it. Then I was ticked at him. I took that away and washed him up, AGAIN, and continued on with what I was doing. Later he came in my room with ANOTHER applesauce container. These are Cody's almost empty ones, but they have enough left in them to make a lovely mess all over the place. Then Cody shouted something about medicine, and I went back to the living room to find him hiding behind the lazy boy and I saw some infant tylenol sitting on the piano bench, and a big puddle of medicine beside it. I was so royally ticked off by this point.

I can't say how many times today I have burst into tears. It just seems like all these little things keep happening and building up and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I am supposed to be going to a house-warming party this afternoon, but I don't even know whether I will survive long enough to make it there. I am so past the point of being able to handle all of this. My house is still a disaster, despite valiant efforts to get it cleaned up. (I really wanted Mike to come home to a clean house. It doesn't have to look perfect, but I would like it to be decent, or even better than decent.)

It is abundantly clear that I am not good at being a single parent, and that makes me terribly afraid that something will happen to Mike and I will end up permanently like this. My kids wouldn't stand a chance. How would we survive? I hope and pray that we will never have to face that situation. I am amazed by single parents who not only survive, but do a great job with their kids. I think of my co-worker, Wendy, who definitely falls into that category. (Her boys are all grown up now, and she obviously did a great job with them.)

Anyway, Jamie is now awake, which means that I have to face the music and feed him. Meals are the worst because they always involve the throwing of food, and me getting yelled at when I can't get it right. How am I supposed to know what someone wants when they don't talk? I look like crap, so if I go to this party it will be embarrassing, but what can I do? There is no time to shower...especially seeing I cannot leave my kids unsupervised for 10 minutes without someone either getting hurt or getting into something that is forbidden. I guess I better go get Jamie, and I should really let my poor cat back in the house, as she is likely still cowering in fear on the front deck, even though she has already been out there for more than three hours. Here's hoping I survive the day. If I do, I will probably be back to do another entry, some day. Bye for now.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm Supermom

Well, yesterday was an eventful day. I took my boys to town by myself. That doesn't sound like a big deal, I am sure, but with the ages they are at, combined with their gender and their crazy tendencies, this is a scenario that I normally avoid at all costs. I took them to the mall first, and felt fairly safe with them in the confines of a shopping cart. Fortunately for me, they were both in good spirits and there were no tantrums or anything else of that nature. I went to three different stores and a bathroom, and I survived! Seriously, this is a big deal for me. When I was pregnant with Jamie I could hardly even handle taking just Cody to town, as he was a runner and would just take off. I was not really in much condition to chase after him, and it was just plain exhausting. Jamie enjoys being in the shopping cart, so he is a bit easier. Cody hated being confined in anything and only wanted to push the shopping cart, or run away from it. He has also improved.

Anyway, after that we went to the hospital, which was a little bit more challenging. I had to park across the street, though not a busy one, and I had to carry my camera bag, my purse and the gift bag plus Jamie, who weighed 24 pounds three months ago. All of this in one arm, while the other hand was dedicated to maintaining a death grip on Cody so that he would not run in to traffic. It was strenuous, but we made it in. Phew. We saw baby Amy, who was born some time around 1:00 that morning, and all five of her siblings were also there. Jamie managed to do a faceplant on the tile floor and get himself a nice big red mark on his right cheek. He was a little out of sorts by then because he was hungry, and also had skipped his morning nap. We were just leaving when my parents-in-law arrived, and my father-in-law volunteered to help me get the boys down to the van. I was SO thankful! He is really amazing and always helps me with things like this, and even though I knew I could make it on my own, I was dreading it a bit. So, then we went and put gas in the van and then hit the McDonald's drive-thru. Both boys fell asleep on the way home. Jamie had his fist wrapped around a cheeseburger. It was quite adorable.

Oh, we even went to the post office on our way to town. We will be heading there again this morning because I am expecting a package. I ordered a sample pack of five cloth diapers to try out. I know it is weird, but I am really excited to get them and to try them out on Jamie. I hope I like them all. I also hope they arrive today, though I have a sneaking suspicion that they will not be here this week and I will get really disappointed when they are not. Somehow I get emotionally caught up in dumb things like that.

At any rate, after yesterday, I felt a little bit like Supermom. I even took my boys over to the farm for supper and they played with some of their cousins that they don't normally see. Now, my house looks terrible, but my boys had a good day, and it made my day go better as a result. Today, as I said, we will go to the post office. That is about a ten minute drive each way. It will probably be our only outing because it is supposed to rain today, but at least we will go somewhere. Maybe there is something to this whole getting out of the house thing. Haha.

Jamie is in his high chair with a thick yogurt beard, and a lot of yogurt hair gel. It is gross, but what can I do? He insists on eating with a spoon without assistance, and he equally enjoys making art with it. Sometimes I think he needs a bath after every single meal. Cody is running around in nothing but his underwear. I have discovered that boys prefer this type of outfit to anything. And now, a word enters my mind but does not escape my lips, as I see yogurt splattered all over my kitchen floor. I confess, this is why I almost never wash the floor. What is the point? Three times a day it is desecrated with yogurt, applesauce, peanut butter, cheese, macaroni, jam, syrup, and you name it. I cannot wash my floor three times a day, and to wash after one meal would only be discouraging when the onslaught of food slop came flying down at the next meal.

I better go and wipe up my youngest child before he does more hair styling. I might update this later, depending on how eventful our trip to the post office is. Bye for now.

Well, this won't publish, for some reason, so I thought I would update. I am back from the post office. I put Jamie down for a nap. He expressed his displeasure by throwing his head backwards into my face. I was thrilled. He is in bed now and Cody is watching Dora the Explorer. My package is here and I have not even opened it yet...I will do that right now....Ooo, these are cute. I am getting them set up now so that I can use them later. Maybe today we'll do an all cloth day...Or, I might wait and do it tomorrow because I am doing my other two cloth diapers in the wash right now and they will be hung to dry. They will not be dry until tomorrow. I have not decided yet. Hm. We'll see how these go! I'm going to try publishing this one more time.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A Jonah Day

Well, my day did not improve from start to finish, and I feel like I have been run over by a truck now. I feel like the worst mother in the world today. All three of us had major emotional breakdowns today, but they were all my fault. Poor Cody was bawling because I couldn't stop crying. He said, "I don't want you to cry anymore." That only made it harder for me to get myself under control. Then Jamie had the most massive meltdown at the supper table. He was upset about something, and would not eat properly again. (When I say properly, I just mean eat. He was just picking at his food and would not eat it.) So I had taken it away at one point, and then I gave it back to him because I figured out that he was mad at me because I wouldn't give him my fork. I gave him his food and I went to get him a spoon and he gave me a dirty look and hurled his whole plate of food onto the floor with a wail. I was so mad I took the tray off, unstrapped him and carried him straight to his room, after shouting, "Jamie! NO!" I put him in his crib and I left him there to cool down, but he just bawled and bawled and bawled until he was taking shaky breaths between wails. I started to feel awfully mean. I thought he would stop crying, but he did not. I was making cookies with Cody by this time to make up for the fact that we did not go to Brandon today, as promised. I went to Jamie's room and picked him up and held him, as tears continued to drip off his face amid his ragged breathing, and I brought him back out. Unfortunately, every time I put him down, he started bawling again. This set me off again because I felt so sad for him, and because I knew it was my fault that he was so sad. I was a mess all evening. We made some good cookies, but that was the only highlight of the day. I actually had to resort to putting on the baby channel on the satellite and putting Jamie in Cody's plush chair with two stuffed animals. He finally stopped crying and reclined and watched the show, still with large tears resting on his cheeks. Eventually he joined us making cookies, and then was happy as long as he had dough to munch on.

It amazes me how I continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. My poor kids. How are we going to survive the rest of this week? I wonder if it would be better for me to just stay home for the rest of the week and not see anybody at all. My house looks like someone bulldozed the toys and the dishes, and some of the furniture into a big pile and then dumped food crumbs on it for good measure. I did manage to do a bunch of dishes before sitting down after the boys went to bed, but the rest will remain as is.

They boys went to bed well, but the rest of the day was a disaster in my view. In fact, I don't even want to talk about the rest of the day. It pretty much sucked, though I did get some more homework done. It is due tomorrow, so I will probably go and finish it off now. I will sign off. Goodnight.

Oh, P.S., that same telemarketing place called AGAIN tonight, and I just about bit her head off. I asked who was calling and she told me. I then said, "Your people have called here three times in the last 24 hours and I have told you every time, he is AWAY!" The poor woman apologized profusely and promised to make a note of it. I'm sure they will call again tomorrow.

Not in a good mood...

Well, it's official. I'm in a bad mood. My sister in law is in the hospital, having a baby, and I am anxious to go see him/her, so I have spent my morning getting ready, including showering, doing my hair and dressing the boys. The van is packed so we can leave on short notice, and I'm really excited about it. I put Jamie down just after 11 am for a nap because he was getting grumpy and I figured we'd just go to the hospital after lunch, assuming she has had the baby by then. (This is her sixth, so I was not anticipating it taking that long.) Anyway, within half an hour, Jamie was blabbing and playing in his crib, so I decided that a better strategy would be to feed them early, at 11:30 and then put Jamie down right after that. Then I could wake him up if it was time to go to the hospital.

Well, that was a great plan, but I fed the boys and now I am just steaming because neither of them ate very much. Cody had one piece of toast with cheese wiz on it, and an applesauce and a yogurt. Jamie had less than that. I warmed him up some leftover macaroni, and he ate NONE of it, as far as I could tell. I gave him a piece of cheese toast, and he ate barely any of it, but did throw half of it on the floor. When he saw his brother indulging in applesauce, he made it abundantly clear that he wanted some too, so like an idiot, I gave him some. He ate three quarters of it, but not without taking off his bib and getting gooey applesauce all over the clothes that I had selected for him to wear to the hospital. He then threw his spoon on the floor, so now the floor is contaminated with applesauce, and he refused to eat anything else. Great. So, now that means that when we do go to the hospital, it will be on an empty stomach for Jamie, and probably without a full nap too, so he will be good and grouchy. Like me. Then, the phone rang, which I fully expected to be Bonnie or my mother in law, telling me that the baby was here, but NO. Another stinking telemarketer! They call every single day, and I TOLD them that Mike was away, but they still call EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!! I was really rude to her on the phone. I felt slightly bad afterwards, but not terribly. It is not my fault they cannot take any kind of instruction and get it through their heads that he is NOT HOME!!!!!!!!!

Phew. So, that is my vent for today, I guess. I mean, hopefully that is it. Well, that and the fact that every five minutes Cody asks me if we can go to Grandmama's house, and then to Heidi's house (3 hours away)...etc, even though I continually tell him no, we are not going there, we are going to the hospital. Why the heck do I even bother with these things? This is ridiculous. I am an idiot for even telling him that we would be going out. Clearly I have no brain. I just can't seem to learn from my experiences.

And Jamie is being so adorable right now, pretending to talk on the phone and grinning at me, but I can't even bring myself to smile because all I want to do is cry. Maybe I should just plan to stay home today. I don't know what to do. Jamie will not be napping at all today, from the look of it. I think I need a bit of chocolate. That sounds like a great idea. Maybe I'll have myself a chocolate bar to calm the nerves and then I will just skip lunch for today. I am really not in a good mood.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Warm Weather...Here Come the Bugs.

Where to start? The day was spent at home, so was considered "normal", but there was an unfortunate incident resulting from mass amounts of bran muffins ingested in a 24 hour period. No, the incident was not mine, though I was not without suffering either at the hands of the evil muffins. All in all, we did all right today. The boys were pretty good, and went to bed very well, before 8 p.m. I got a bit of homework done, and I just finished talking with Mike, so that was good.

My evening ended on a creepy note, when I discovered a fat fly floating on the surface of the water in one of my treasured "freezy cups". I was just about to take a swig of water too. I was so disgusted and grossed out that I refused to even reuse that cup for the night. I poured the revolting vermin down the drain and got a new glass of water and then headed for the hall. I flicked the lights off, and then was once again nearly compelled to pee my pants when Cody's wooden train puzzle spontaneously erupted into whistles and chugging sound effects. (Have I mentioned the puzzle before? It is determined to give me a nervous breakdown.) Then I discovered two live flies in my room. One was hovering around my lamp, and I was not able to get a good shot at it, but the other was cocky enough to sit directly on the flat ceiling, near my light, so I hauled myself upright on the bed and killed him in one shot with a dvd case. I used a kleenex to discreetly gather the body, but somehow had some kind of a mental block and forgot to throw it out. I guess I must have put it down on the bed thinking that there was no way I could maintain grip on the kleenex and the dvd and still step off the edge of the bed without killing myself (remember, six months pregnant here...), so there it sat on the bed, until I gave it another look and thought, "what is this kleenex from??". Then I picked it up to examine it, and realized it must contain the offending fly, so I opened it slightly and what do you suppose I saw? Moving legs, that's what. Yep, the blasted thing had resurrected itself. How do they do that? I had to ball it up in the kleenex again and squish as hard as I can until I could see real evidence of damage that could not possibly be undone, even by the "demon flies" with the striped wings. It is dead now. I also got the one on the lamp with my notebook (coiled, not laptop), and it was definitely dead the first shot.

So, it is now WAY past time for me to sign off, and I am going to go to bed. I shall try to update more, as it happens. Goodnight.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Rainy day

Easter morning has dawned gloomy and rainy in our neck of the woods. Cody slept until almost 7:45, which is about an hour past what he normally does, so that is good. He is now quietly watching the Wonder Pets, and Jamie is still sleeping, though he is stirring slightly once in a while, so he will be up shortly. I have bran muffins in the oven, and once they're done we can all eat. This does not mean I am getting more domestic, if that's what you are thinking. When I say that I made muffins, what I mean is that I poured the package into a bowl and added the designated amount of water and stirred. Then I poured them into a greased muffin tin. Yep. Challenging, but they always turn out well. I can make them in about five minutes, plus cooking time! Just call me Martha Stewart.

Mike should be on his plane by now. How bizarre to think of it. So I just looked up his flight information online, and there is no flight listed that is going to Denver this morning. What the heck is that supposed to mean??? Did they screw that up? I wonder if he is sitting at the airport wondering what is going on. Makes me tempted to phone someone and find out, but maybe they just messed up the website. I'm going to check Denver's website. One second...Wow. Hm. There is a flight listed, but a completely different flight number than what Mike gave me, plus it looks like it is United Airlines, and I think his flight number is Air Canada. Wow. Well, I guess I'll have to wait and maybe he'll call me from Denver...if he made it there.

Today we are invited to Mike's parents' place for a barbecue, with some of the family who are actually around. I have not decided for sure whether to go or not, but I will probably take the boys over there. Some of his cousins want to put together some kind of Easter egg hunt or something, so Cody would enjoy that. Not sure whether Jamie would care or not, but he definitely likes chocolate, so if there is any of that in the picture he would be all for it. He is still stirring a bit, but then sleeps a bit more, so I'll wait until he is totally awake before I barge in there.

That's all for now, I guess. There is not much to say first thing in the morning. It is pleasantly quiet here, and I am thankful. I hope it does not rain all week because I am counting on getting the boys outside. Jamie is officially awake. He is laughing and squealing, and talking in his adorable voice. I'm off for now.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Single Mom for the week

Well, this week I may hit a new level of desperation! Mike left today after supper for San Diego, and he will be gone until next Saturday night. As soon as he left the house, things got raunchy with Cody, and before the boys were in bed I was already in tears from the multiple battles and the many incidents of Cody hurting his little brother. Admittedly, I am a tad bit more emotional these days than I should be, and I was also sad to be left without Mike for a week, but after the evening that we had I am even more apprehensive about what is to come the next seven days. Exhaustion seems inevitable, and here I am blogging when it is nearly midnight. Still, I felt that I had to post about my experiences as a "single mom" for the week.

On a positive note, this morning, Cody put his arms around me and said, "Mom, you make my heart very happy". Wow. What could be more sweet than that? I nearly cried. He has actually been really great the last couple of weeks, and I hope this week will prove to be a good one as well. He hugs me many times a day saying things like, "You know what I like, Mom? I like you!" or "Mom, I just love you SOOO much!" followed by, "You're a sweetie!" Haha. He gets that a lot, and now he is dishing it out too. It is really sweet and gratifying. He can be a handful, but he is so loving and amazing.

Anyway, it is too late at night to go on and on, so I must sign off for now, in hopes of getting a semi-decent sleep. I will try to keep up to date on my lonely week. Goodnight.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Spring is Finally Here

Well, it's back to the grind again after a blissful week of having Mike home with me to help carry the load! We had a nice spring break, including our getaway and Cody's third birthday and taking the boys to the fair. Now I'm on my own again, and funny thing, I had forgotten how hard it can be! Right now we're doing fine though. Jamie is sleeping and Cody is watching Dora the Explorer, so it is nice and quiet in here. I would love to sneak in a nap, but don't think I could get away with it. As usual, I am running low on energy here. So much for the energy burst of the second trimester. In a week I will begin my third trimester, so we'll see what that brings.

Truthfully, I have been going a bit crazy with gender issues again. It is hard to imagine being more convinced that it is a boy, but things keep happening to make me more and more sure. Mike will not budge and still insists it is a girl because of something he saw on the ultrasound. Something that nobody else saw, that is. I'm not sure my sanity can handle much more obsessing over this. I thought I was doing well, but the other night I ended up crying when I became more sure than ever that it is a boy. It's dumb, because I am actually excited to have another boy, but I also want a girl in my life, and this is probably my last chance. But when I picture the baby inside me, I only picture a boy, and I love him so much already that I don't know why I can't just let this go. Crazy. In a way it makes me wonder if I should have just gone and paid the money at Babymoon and found out for once and for all, but I don't see the point in paying $100 for them to tell me it is a boy, when I already know it is!

Anyway, the baby is doing well, and is quite the acrobat. Similar to Cody, which scares me a bit!! Now to settle for once and for all on a name. Boy names are so difficult! We have had a girl name forever, but I really feel like we will never get a chance to use it.

So, on my list for today...I don't know. Where should I start in this house? I must say, the beautiful weather we are getting this week makes me want to clean more than usual. (Which doesn't say much.) It is going to be above zero all week, and we are finally seeing some grass in our yard, but just on one side by the trees. Then again, there really isn't much grass under that snow anyway! I am already sweeping the kitchen like crazy every morning now to get rid of all the sand that the dog is tracking in at night. I had forgotten the feeling of walking on grit in my bare feet every time I enter the kitchen.

Now Cody is going to watch the Backyardigans. This is a good show for kids because it encourages imagination, but I really can't stand it. For some reason, it irritates the living daylights out of me, so I don't let Cody watch it very often. He has some strange obsession with the character named "Tasha". For months he would pretend to be her and say, "I'm a girl, I'm Tasha", and it got a little old, and slightly weird. Haha. He has not mentioned her in a while, but yesterday he had a new cousin born, the first in our little (big!) baby boom. Her name is Zoe Natasha. When I told him that, he said, "Tasha? That's cool! Tasha, like me?" Shaking my head. At least he doesn't want to name our baby Tasha. No, he thinks it's a girl, but wants her name to be Franklin. You know, after Franklin the turtle. Hm. I told him that Frankie might be cute on a girl, but he didn't go for it. Franklin. That's his only option for a name. Good thing he has no say in the matter!!!

Anyway, I have to get some lunch plans going, so that I'm prepared when Jamie wakes up. Poor little guy is teething and has his top two eye teeth coming in. Supposedly they are the worst ones. Why do they call them "eye teeth" anyway?? He has been grumpy, and has thrown some pretty major tantrums. How do you discipline a 15 month old? He is finally getting to that place where he needs some gentle correction, but it's hard when he's so young. I will have to do it anyway, or I'm going to have a heck of a time with him when he is two! I'm off to the kitchen.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Back Home Again

Well, we are back from our getaway. It was nice, but it was hard to leave too. Silly, I know, but I cried when we left, even though Jamie didn't. Cody was not phased at all, as I knew he would not be, but I figured Jamie would be quite distraught. He stared out the window, looking somewhat bewildered, but he never shed a tear. I cannot say the same for myself. I was very emotional, though I managed to hide it. I will chalk that up to pregnancy hormones, but still. Unfortunately, we had to return not five minutes after we left because we forgot something and when we got back, Jamie was still looking out the window, so when we left I cried again. Yes, it is pathetic, but this is me now. I spend much of my time wishing for a bit of escape from here, and then when I get to go I don't want to leave the boys. I guess I just don't know what I want, right?

In Winnipeg (yes, that was our big getaway...Winnipeg.) we stayed at a fancy hotel which we got a good deal on through priceline.com, but it was downtown and it was full of very rough people. I am a bit of a chicken about downtown Winnipeg, or any large city for that matter, but I consoled myself with the fact that a hotel that pricey (well, for me it was pricey) there would mainly be upper class, well-off people staying there. I was wrong. The funny thing is, I do not consider myself to be upper class, nor are we well-off, though we are by no means poor, so I don't know why I assumed everyone else would be. Maybe because I figured everyone else would be paying full price. Anyway, I did not feel a warm and fuzzy feeling in that hotel. Truthfully, it gave me a bit of a creepy feeling, but our suite was quite fancy and had a full kitchen, leather furniture, two flat-screen HDTVs and a king size bed with feather pillows and a feather duvet. We stayed on the 22nd floor, which disturbed me more than I care to admit. I was very nervous in the elevators because of recurring nightmares that I have about being in an elevator that falls. I never used to have this fear. It did not help that all three of the elevators' permits had expired on December 31, 2008.

Anyway, other than my sudden and extreme irrational fear, I did enjoy our time there. We ordered from my favorite Chinese restaurant, which I have been craving this entire pregnancy, and we also spontaneously went out at 9:30 at night. I know, that probably sounds lame, but I don't remember the last time we had the freedom to do that. It was fun. We had a lot of laughs and we may have settled on a boy name for our baby, though not a middle name yet. We also bought a girl outfit and a boy outfit, seeing we still don't know or even agree on what we are having. Mike says girl, I say boy. We shall see. The outfits are both adorable, and it was fun to look at them while considering different names.

The break was nice, but it is good to be back home, and today we celebrated Cody's third birthday and had a little party for him. He loved it and had such a blast. He told everyone, "Today is my April 1st, my birthday!" He got a Geo Trax railway set, which we bought used on kijiji.ca, and he loves it. He has been wanting a train set for months and months and told everyone he was getting one for his birthday. Good thing we found one. He is worn out and fell asleep as soon as we put him to bed. I cannot say the same for Jamie, who had a rough day. He was bitten very hard in the face by his cousin who is only seven weeks older than him, and he is quite sore. I think he may have finally settled.

Tomorrow we are heading to the fair. The Royal Manitoba Winter Fair, that is. Anyone who knows me knows that the fair is a big deal to me and that my family has been going every year since I was about 7 or 8 years old. The only year I missed was 1999 when I was in California with a bunch of friends. I am nervous to take both boys because Jamie is likely to be overwhelmed and grumpy, and it is somewhat expensive (for someone who lives in the boonies) so I don't really want to have to leave if possible, but we will see what happens. I also feel very tired, and feel sometimes like I am having one long contraction. My stomach feels tight, and not in a good, I'm-in-shape kind of way. I would like to go to bed, but not sure what I will do next.

Anyway, there is nothing terribly exciting to report in here. Oh, but I did get a bunch of maternity clothes in Winnipeg, which is a first for me. Yeah, on my third and probably final pregnancy I decide to splurge and buy a whole bunch of maternity clothes that I will likely only wear for the next 3 months, but I have never been really pregnant in the summer before, so I really needed something to get me through. I feel a bit guilty, but it does feel good to have something to wear other than the yoga pants and sweatshirt that I have been wearing for the last five months. I'm going to sign off on this exciting note. Goodnight..