Monday, April 27, 2009

Just Have to Get This Out!

It has been a few days since I have posted in here. I have a lot on my mind, so I'm not sure yet what is going to come out in here. I had an experience in the last few days that really bothered me, and I feel like I must vent about it. The problem is, this is a public blog, so I don't want to be too specific because I don't want anyone to know who or what I am talking about. I will give it a shot, and if it comes out badly I will not publish it. I used to be called "The Queen of Vaguity" for my skill in being terribly vague when attempting to talk about something important to me. Let's see if I am still worthy of the crown.

Here is the thing. As a parent, I have to make many decisions about my kids' lives and how I am going to raise them. I am happy to say that I have a husband who supports me (and vice versa) and that we are in agreement with our parenting strategies. Most of our friends and family are also parents of young children right now, and even so, we all do things differently. It seems to be that when it comes to raising kids, everyone has an opinion, and that is okay. I confess, I have been guilty on many occasions of judging others on their parenting choices. I know this is wrong, and I try my best to just live and let live. The bottom line is, as long as people are not mistreating or neglecting their kids, it is really nobody else's business how they raise them.

Having said that, I have had situations where I felt openly judged, and one of those situations was very recent. As I have mentioned previously in this blog, I have decided (along with Mike) to cloth diaper this next baby and Jamie too. This is something I never would have previously considered until I heard of something called gDiapers, which are a cross between cloth diapers and disposables, but are biodegradable so they are much more environmentally friendly than disposables. I am not really an environmental freak, but I do feel bad throwing away so many diapers each week. Still, I never would have considered cloth because I thought it was a rag wrapped around a baby's bum and fastened with pins, with an ugly plastic cover pulled up over it that looked something like an old-style shower cap. When I saw the gDiapers on their website and saw how incredibly adorable they are, I took a second look. What I found out is that gDiapers, while environmentally friendly and also adorable, are also far more expensive than disposable diapers. Hm. That was a deterrent for me, as we are trying to save money, not spend more of it. Then I found out about cloth diapers and how different they are from the rags that my own mom used back in the day. Wow. They are super-cute, and as it turns out, they are less stinky, have less diaper rash and are less expensive than disposables, and are easy on the environment at the same time! So, that is why I began researching them to the point of driving myself nuts. In the end, we have decided to go for it, and we are using them on Jamie already.

That's a bit of background. Now, when you tell people you are cloth diapering your baby, most of them think you are nuts. I don't really blame them because before my research, I would have thought the same thing. That's okay. I don't expect anyone else to jump on board and cloth diaper along with us. What does bother me though, is "the look". Please believe me when I say that I would never consider doing this if it were going to be in any way detrimental to my kids. In addition, I am not asking anyone else to change a cloth diaper for me. It is MY problem, and MY work. And guess what? I don't mind. Truthfully, I kind of enjoy it. Not the change so much, but the laundry. I know, it's weird. But I have a right to be weird, don't I? So please feel free to disagree with me, and even to secretly think that I am a lunatic. But don't give me dirty looks or think of me as a bad mother because I am doing this. Seriously. I have seen "the look" from a couple of different people, but I have also seen a harsher look that seems almost hostile or angry. I can't understand why someone would be offended that I am using cloth diapers. Grossed out, maybe, but offended?

Therein lies the real problem. I am too easily bothered by what other people think of me. I am also overly sensitive these days due to my pregnancy hormones, I guess, because I have been depressed because of feeling so judged. That has in turn made me assume other things that people think about me. Those things may or may not be accurate, but right now I am feeling like I need to be alone with my kids for the rest of the week, where nobody else can be offended or annoyed by my parenting, or even by my mere presence.

This has been a vent. It is nothing more. I just had to get that out of my system because I couldn't seem to let it go or get it off my mind. I have not been as vague as I originally intended, so I am clearly not worthy of the crown anymore, but I got it out of my system, and that is what I needed to do.

Jamie just woke up, and he has an upset tummy so I now have the challenge of figuring out what to feed him for lunch that will be bland enough not to bother him. The rest of my day will be spent cleaning, and maybe even cooking. I am feeling ambitious today. Hope everyone else has a good day.


Beautifull Crustation said...

Hey there, I just wanted to encourage you in the cloth diaper thing. As you know I bought some a while back now and have been using them for maybe Three weeks now. I love it. I love the laundry of them, they don't bother me. I feel good that I have figured out the quirks that I didn't understand in the first week and it is to the point where I will go out with them even. Not on long trips to Brandon cause I never seem to get a chance to change a diaper while there and these I find do need to be changed more often. But I do take them when visiting friends and family. If they think I am crazy than I am thankful that they have not said anything or given me "the look" cause I don't really care to hear it. But all these words are to say, Go to it, enjoy, Have fun with every aspect of it. And know that I am with you all the way.
HOpe your day goes better.

CAT said...

I wondered how you were doing! I called you a couple of times last week, but there was no answer and I didn't want to interrupt you if you were napping or something! Glad to hear you are in the full swing of things. I just ordered another 6 diapers for Jamie and I am loving it too. Glad to hear you have not been on the receiving end of "the look" just yet! Haha. How nice to have someone else nearby that is embarking on this adventure with me!!!