Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Continuation, Unfortunately

Yesterday was worse than I could have ever imagined. I have never felt so angry at my own child as I did all day yesterday. What I feel this morning must be similar to what a hangover would feel like. Cody is still in a terrible state, as our company did not leave until almost 9 p.m. and the boys were both up late. Now they are even more overtired than they were yesterday, though that is difficult to fathom. It is not quite 10 a.m. and already Cody and I are fighting. It feels gross. I feel like I cannot handle this right now, but I have no choice. I am alone. There is no one to help me. I am desperate to run away, but I cannot. I also have so much to do, but ever two minutes I have to discipline Cody again, so I can't get anything done. I have him in bed right now, but I am not so naive as to believe he will actually have a nap, though that is what he needs. He certainly refused yesterday. Funny thing how when I don't want him to sleep he falls asleep spontaneously, even on the couch or wherever, or he begs for a nap in his bed. But when I know he really needs it, and I ask him to rest, he REFUSES to fall asleep. So, it's like no matter what I do, it is wrong. We are supposed to be trying the early bedtime thing, but after four nights, it was thwarted two of those nights. What is the point if we cannot do it consistently? I guess we should have put them to bed last night even though there were people here, including a boy who is about five months older than Cody. I can't seem to make the right choices no matter what I do. If this day goes like yesterday did, I honestly don't know how I will survive it. I feel like the ultimate loser when I can't even keep my three year old in line. When did he get like this? This is not the true Cody. That's why I'm convinced that it is just lack of sleep on his part, but I just seem to be powerless to change that. I'm in the mood for a good thunderstorm, but there is none in the forecast. I guess I should go see what Jamie is up to. He is in the living room, playing quietly. Oh, correction, here he comes into the kitchen, following Cricket. He loves the cats. He loves all animals.

Great, here comes the other one. Can I go hide somewhere? I would if I didn't fear for Jamie's safety while I'm out of the room. Maybe I'll put Jamie to bed for a while. He is likely very tired too. He is sucking his thumb, patting Cricket gently. I think he's tired. I better go. Bye for now.

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