Friday, May 29, 2009

The End of the Week. Finally.

Just thought I'd do a quick post, though I am dumb for not being in bed yet. This morning went all right. We went to my sister's place so the boys had a change of scene, which was good for all of us. Cody played with his cousin while Jamie wandered around, perfectly content to do his own thing. Meanwhile, I worked on a musical recording with my brother-in-law, which was really fun and inspiring. I love the production side of music, but it was nice to play piano again, as I don't get much chance to do it around here without having my hands slapped away or unwanted duet partners. Haha.

Anyway, things were a bit rough with Cody in the afternoon starting when we left for home again, but mercifully he fell asleep in the van...about five minutes before we got home. I left him in there with the windows open and set a timer for 20 minutes. He was awake before the timer beeped, but that was probably a good thing.

All in all, I am not as discouraged as I was two days ago, but still kind of concerned about Cody. He was disciplined tonight for coming out of his room repeatedly after being told not to (once he was tucked into bed, that is), and afterwards he was bawling. I heard him ranting, thanks to the monitor, and he was saying things like "I'm not special anymore", and that type of thing. I started to cry. It breaks my heart to hear my three year old talking himself down. Where does this come from? He has also recently told me that he's not a good Cody and that I need a new Cody, and again that he is not special and he is bad. Wow. Please believe me, I am very careful (as is Mike) not to ever tell him that he is a bad boy. We talk about him making bad choices and acting gross, but we always tell him that he is a good boy because we don't want him to label himself. I guess we are too late. How can this happen in such a young child? I went into his room and talked to him for a while once I overheard the things he was saying. He was so incredibly upset. I told him that he was special, and that even when he makes bad choices he is still very special to us and we love him so much. He said "Yeah" and seemed to receive what I was telling him. I prayed with him, and then Mike came in to talk with him too. He said, "I forgive you Dad," regarding being disciplined, and Mike told him he forgave him too for disobeying. After that, he settled. So. I don't know whether he is going through some kind of crisis, or whether he is just ridiculously overtired and cannot handle anything right now. Either way, I cried for a long time thinking of my sweet little boy thinking that he is worthless, or somehow not special. I don't want that for him. Maybe he is more like me than I realized.

Anyway, it is one minute to midnight and this Apple is about to turn into a pumpkin, so I must sign off for now. Goodnight all.

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