Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sad

I'm feeling incredibly sad today. Nothing happened. I just feel sad. Jamie is bawling again, and there is no obvious cause for the crying. This makes it impossible for me to relax, and harder still to be happy. I hope he gets over this phase soon. Cody is sleeping nicely, so that is good. Our house smells like sewage. Mike is standing in front of me flexing, as he does his workout. All I want is to go somewhere. Somewhere peaceful. The lake, a resort somewhere...I don't know. I'm worried about this pregnancy and this baby. I am so tired that I cannot function. I slept for an hour and a half this afternoon, and that was after sleeping in until almost 8:30 this morning. Is this normal? I have no idea. My hands are swollen and I had to remove my wedding rings today. I was hoping to avoid that this pregnancy, at least until the very end. Last time I had them off for the last three months or so.

I'm frustrated too because I really want to get ready for this baby, but most of the things I have to do are out of my control and I can't do them yet. I feel very unprepared. I don't like the names we've chosen anymore. Well, that's not entirely true. It isn't that I don't like them. I just don't know anymore if I want to use them.

I'm stressed about my homework too, and don't feel like I am going to have the energy to get it done this week. It is due on Friday. It is a big assignment. I'm doing very well in my course, but it is very hard to have any quiet time to focus in, and these days whenever it is quiet in here I can't seem to stay conscious.

Sorry, this is just me dumping, I guess. I will feel better once I know Jamie is sleeping tonight. He did not cry during the night last night, so that helps too. Yep, there he goes again. He stops for a minute and then he starts up again. When I go in there, he just leans on me and hugs me. He seems to want comfort, but I don't know what from.

I don't have much positive to say in here, so I might as well sign off for now. I just want a big bowl of hot, buttery popcorn and a feel-good movie. I need to have a laugh, or at least a smile. No tear-jerkers for me tonight. Hopefully the week will be looking better tomorrow. I'm off.

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