Monday, June 29, 2009

Home Alone 3

I am home alone again this evening, and it has not gone well. I have zero patience left at this stage of the game, and both of my boys ticked me off royally tonight. Lately, Jamie is into everything, and it drives me nuts. I constantly have to chase him, and I simply can't right now. Tonight, he went onto the table and got a container of applesauce that Cody had mostly eaten, and he grabbed a spoon and brought it into the living room. Oh boy. I was upset, and tried to grab it before him, but not before he whipped it all over his clean pajamas and onto the carpet. I yelled at him, and he is not quite 18 months old yet. He had a big grin on his face the whole time, which would have been cute if I hadn't been so mad. Cody and I battled for an hour over whether he would clean up his toys or not. In the end, he did not, so he went to bed without a story. He knew that was his choice, but it did not stop him from throwing a massive tantrum when I did put him to bed. Lately he has this new stalling technique too. As soon as you put him to bed he whines and cries that he is hungry. It is a very useful technique, because it makes me question my judgment every single time, but I believe that he is simply manipulating me and that he is not hungry at all. He did eat supper earlier than usual today, but not by a huge margin, so I decided that it was too bad and he was going to bed. If I had offered him a snack he would have sat there and twiddled his thumbs for half an hour or more, thereby avoiding bedtime as much as possible. I decided that I couldn't take the risk tonight. Have I mentioned that I am seriously WAY too pregnant to be left alone with these boys at bedtime? This is the third night in a row. Sometimes I get so mad I wonder if I am going to put myself into labour. And I'm still not ready for this baby yet.

My house is still a mess, but is improving. Yesterday, Mike washed the kitchen floor and he even used Pinesol instead of that blasted swiffer. I used to love the swiffer, but now I despise the smell of the cleaner and I hate that the floor always feels sticky after it has been "swiffed". So, the floor was clean for a grand total of about 15 minutes. After that, the boys had lunch and we were pretty much back to square one. In fact, later in the evening my pant legs dragged through some red jello that I did not see and I had to throw them in the wash immediately because it got all over my ankle and my pant leg and everything else. Anyway, I have also done some more baby laundry, and now have the baby bath tub washed and stacked with fresh baby towels and wash cloths. Mike also assembled the cradle for me yesterday, so it is set up in our room with the sheets on and a few blankets spread in there (that say "baby boy" all over them...), and right now the baby tub is inside of the cradle too. I would have put it under the cradle, but I have a strong suspicion that if I had done that my cats would have found it a perfect place to sleep and then I would have had to wash the towels all over again.

This afternoon I made two lasagnas. One is in the freezer to save for a meal for after the baby comes, and one we will use tomorrow evening when we have company. I am also currently doing diaper laundry, so that will be my accomplishment for this evening, I suppose. Technically I should be doing dishes right now, but I am not going to. I will be sitting here on my butt for the evening, reading or journalling, or whatever the heck I feel like doing. Jamie is still awake, unfortunately, but this seems to be his pattern lately. I just changed a very gross poop, so I am assuming that he is now clean but simply not wanting to sleep. He seems to have vaporized one of the animals from his mobile, so I had to take the rest off because they were hanging at a funny angle and I just had a strong feeling that he was going to break the crazy thing if I left it on there. Unfortunately, he is more attached to his mobile than I had realized. He complained to me, using baby syllables and facial expressions, of course, but I got the message loud and clear. What I can't figure out is, where in the world did the other animal go? I mean, if he removed it during his nap, which he obviously did, how far could it possibly have travelled? It is not behind his crib. I don't think it is under his crib, though I confess that I was unable to bend over far enough to really check thoroughly. I didn't see it on the floor anywhere between his and Cody's beds, so where did it go? I know it will turn up eventually, but until then I will not be putting the mobile back up because I don't want him breaking it by pulling it down and snapping the plastic rod that is holding it up.

Another thing that baffles me is, what position is my baby really in? Seriously, what I feel right now feels like he/she is in there sideways and the head is on my right side, below my rib cage. I just don't get it. I hope this baby is not breech. I do NOT want a c-section. Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment, so hopefully he will be able to shed some light on it. This coming Friday is the third, the day that I originally wanted to have this baby. Now I don't feel ready. I don't know. It's my Grandma's birthday that day. Her 95th. I just thought it would be so special to have this baby on her birthday. Now I'm thinking maybe I should wait another week after that. In reality, I am pretty sure that it will be at least 2 1/2 more weeks until this baby comes, and I dread hitting my due date with absolutely no indication that a baby is coming soon. However, I have been there before and I will survive it again.

Jamie is now laughing and squealing, and I can tell he is trying to rile up his brother. I better go check on him. I hope he does not need a diaper change, as they are all in the wash. I guess he might need a disposable tonight!!! I'm going to sign off. I'm making myself feel sick again anyway, talking about the baby coming. Any detailed thoughts about labour and delivery make my stomach clench. Scary, eh? Imagine how I'll be when the time comes. Okay, I better go.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Venting...

I am so angry right now that I should not be doing this. I am on hold for Walmart (which I have fondly nick-named Mall Wart) for reasons that I would rather not explain in here. I don't remember the last time I felt this angry. It's not because I am on hold with Walmart, my least favorite store this week. But, I was already seriously steamed when I made this call, and now being on hold for a snippy employee, listening to seriously the most annoying country music imaginable for obscene lengths of time. It is not improving my mood.

Finally my call is over. My kids have finally gone to sleep. I'm thinking of changing my title from "stay-at-home-mom" to "home-alone-mom". I am WAY too pregnant to be dealing with these boys by myself anymore. I have no patience, I am in pain, and my emotions are jagged and raw. I am hungry too, which is not helping either. I did not have time to feed myself supper tonight. I might just pop some popcorn and eat that. If I had energy, I would bake cookies. I do not have energy. Bummer. I'm so hungry.

One nice thing is that it has cooled off outside and I have the windows open and there is a very pleasant breeze circulating in this house. This whole week is supposed to be somewhat moderate for temperatures, so that is a huge relief to me.

All right, I just popped a big bowl of hot, buttery popcorn. Too bad my TV is not working. This would be the ideal time to watch a movie. Maybe I'll pop in a DVD in my laptop or something. I am really not happy this evening. I guess I don't have anything more to say tonight. Sorry for the negativity. I think I'm at the end of my rope here. Oh, but I will mention that the baby is once again very active, so my worries the other day have subsided somewhat. I still look forward to meeting this one and seeing him/her safe and sound in my arms. I'm off for now.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Baby worries...

Feeling weird today. Okay, not weird...maybe just pregnant. I don't know. I spend a lot of time on this website, babycenter, chatting with a bunch of women who are also due in July of this year. They are mostly American, and when I say "a bunch" I do mean literally hundreds. There are a few thousand members due in July, but I think there are less than a thousand who actually post. Anyway, the thing is, there have been several tragic losses on my board of babies, and it is very heart-wrenching. Just yesterday, another girl had to report a still birth, and it was just horrible. I know that technically it is a small minority of the girls who are going through this, but these posts stand out and it is increasingly difficult to read them. I have wondered whether I should take a break from the website for a while. After yesterday's post about the boy who was stillborn (had the cord wrapped around his neck twice. They found out he had passed before they did a c section to bring him out), I feel somewhat afraid for my baby. Here I am, technically full term, and that means that baby should be safe if he/she comes right away. But now a part of me can't help but think that you never know, and babies are not always safe just because they are full term. This morning my baby didn't move much, and I felt paranoid. But then I couldn't remember how much he (or she) normally moves in the morning. Last night was like a circus in my belly, but often when I wake up in the morning the baby does too, and that didn't really happen today. I have felt kicks now and then, but I'm thinking of eating or drinking something really sugary and seeing what kind of response I get. That's what they say to do when there is not much movement and you are wondering. I mean, how do you ever know when there is really something wrong and you need to go to the hospital?? I would not normally worry about my baby this late in pregnancy. It's just that these poor girls thought they were safe too, and their babies died. I just don't think I could go through that. How does a person ever get over that???

Anyway, I wake up every morning with a bad stomach ache these days, and I'm not sure whether that is due to being nervous about the impending labour/birth stuff, or whether it is just normal for this time in pregnancy. I am having lots of contractions too, and had one earlier that was actually somewhat uncomfortable, rather than just weird feeling. So, now part of me is feeling a bit more hopeful of having this baby early, once again. Hm. I don't want to get my hopes up about that, but in some ways it would be nice. In other ways, not so much. I am still unprepared, and need to go shopping as soon as I can. Mike is supposed to be done work today, but now he is helping his brother move this afternoon. I'm glad he is helping, but it makes it hard for me because it means yet another full day by myself here with these maniacs! Tomorrow I am going shopping, all by myself. I don't really look forward to it, as it is not fun needing to seek out a bathroom every half hour when you are in the midst of shopping, but I have to get some nursing bras, and I can't exactly send Mike on that mission, can I? Oh well. I will survive. After my shopping is done, I will feel a bit more prepared, so that is good. Then, Mike can help me clean and organize, except wait...he is going away all day on Saturday again. Yep. I will be alone again. So, I have one day off, and then I'm alone. I really hope I don't go into labour for at least another week yet. I know, I do want to be early, but just not quite this early.

The baby is moving right now, by the way. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. I just have to stop dwelling on all the tragedies I have read about. It was the same between November and January, when several of the girls on my board miscarried. Very sad, and hard not to fear for my own baby when reading all of them. It's amazing how many things can go wrong in pregnancy, and yet the vast majority of babies are born perfectly healthy. Hm.

Anyway, I'm getting a stomach ache again. Probably from getting nervous, as I do every time I think about the whole childbirth thing. Yes, even my third time around I am still very nervous. Why shouldn't I be? It hurts. If I think too hard about it, I will actually shed a tear or two, so I better not go there. I think I will sign off for now.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Doctors and more doctors!

Yesterday was more eventful than I had planned. I had my 37 week appointment, which means that officially I am full term, even though I am not due for another three weeks. I took the boys with me and my sister Andrea took them while I went to my appointment. As usual, the appointment was quick. I was in and out in ten minutes, I think. Seriously, my doctor is so punctual and the appointments don't take that long if you don't have a bunch of questions. So, that was nice. I picked up some lunch for the boys, myself and Andrea (some very healthy McD's...) and then after a short play time, I packed up the boys and left. On the way home is when things started to get gross. Cody started yelling that he needed to poop, which caused me some significant concern seeing we were a good half hour from home and there were no bathrooms anywhere along the way. I asked him whether he could please hold it until we got home. Then he started having a tantrum saying that he wanted a muffin. Okaaaayy.... Andrea had baked muffins for them at her place, but Cody had refused to eat one because he did not like them. Jamie did not have the same aversion. He was happy to consume a large portion of a muffin along with his McDonald's, though he ate more muffin than happy meal, which is probably a good thing. So now, suddenly Cody is really upset because he wants a muffin. I told him that I didn't have one so he was out of luck. This did not alleviate his distress.

At some point, it became clear that he was hungry, so I gave him his french fries, which he had not eaten earlier. He ate them all and then had a tantrum because he did not want to hold the garbage anymore. Sheesh. So, I took the garbage from him, and by the time we got to our road again he was hollering about having to poop and having a sore stomach. I was getting stressed by now because I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what. For those of you who don't know me well, I have something of a huge fear of the stomach flu...specifically of throwing up. Cody is over three years old and other than spitting up as a baby he has thrown up a grand total of once in his life, and I was at work at the time so I did not have to deal with it. I have not thrown up since 2005, and prior to that since 1993, (no, not even in pregnancy...though I feel like it through my first trimester each time), so I avoid it like the plague. Sadly, I am terrified of the time when my kids will develop a gross stomach flu and I will have to clean up after barf or help them while they barf. I don't care about poop. Sure, it's gross, but it will not make me hurl.

Anyway, I got him in the house and to the bathroom, expecting a bit of an explosion, but there was none. He seemed to be okay. I started to think that maybe he was just hungry, and he told me he was. He wanted a snack. So I gave him one. But then he was just so fussy and crying and upset about everything that I put him to bed. He cried and cried and would not settle down, which is unusual for him. Then I noticed that he kept holding onto his ears. I asked him about it and he said his ear was really sore. Uh oh. It was the left ear, and every time I asked him which ear it was he pointed to the same one, so I knew he was not lying. I asked him what was wrong with his ear and he said there was McDonald's in it. I didn't know what to make of that. I then asked him if he had put something in his ear. He said yes. I asked him what it was. He said there was a big huge fox in there. Okaaaaayyy... We were not making any progress. Anyway, after about an hour and a half of him crying almost non-stop and writhing around, I figured we had a serious problem. Mike got home at about 4:30 p.m. or so, and I took Cody back to town to see a doctor. We had to cancel our evening plans, as we had friends coming for supper, so we felt bad about it, but Cody seemed to be in genuine distress so we had to do it. He slept most of the way to the walk-in, and thankfully he was quiet in the waiting room as a result. We waited about 15 minutes to get in, which was not bad, and sure enough, he has an ear infection. Not a bad one, but for sure an infection. So, he is now on antibiotics.

He is much better today so far, probably partially from sleeping, but last night was so horrible. He bawled and bawled before, during and after his bath. Thankfully, he fell asleep right away and did not wake up in the middle of the night. We'll see how he does today.

As for me, I am doing much better today too. I think yesterday I was just hungry or something. My doctor did not seem to concerned. He said the baby's heartbeat was good, and the baby has moved down a bit, so that is also good. I am still not getting much done today, but definitely doing better than I was yesterday.

Cody has taken to grabbing the front of my shirt and pulling it down to look inside to see if he can see the baby. How wonderful for me. I have told him not to do it, and that it is rude. I keep redirecting his attention to my belly instead of my chest and explaining that the baby is down there. He asks if he can see it. I keep telling him that it is not in my shirt but right inside my tummy so we can't see it, but he does not seem to get that. He is getting very excited about the baby and keeps asking if he can hold it. I hope he'll be as excited when it comes. I don't remember whether I have posted this already or not, but he has told me (just to be funny) that if it's a girl he wants to name it "Garlic Bread". Haha. Crazy kid.

Anyway, this is probably long enough for today. I have to try to get it a bit nicer in here. Andrea is coming over this afternoon for a visit, and there are a lot of toys all over the place, as usual! I'm off for now.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Last Monday before Mike is on holidays!

Here I sit in my living room, in denial. I love denial. It is one of my favorite places to visit. Jamie is in bed, but has not slept a wink since I put him down over an hour ago. See? Denial. I should just face facts and get him up, but I am trying to keep the ratio at one kid per adult for the moment. I tried so hard to do some cleaning this morning. Cody was really upset and over tired, so I put him to bed at 9:30 this morning for a rest. I told him I was going to go do some cleaning. He instructed me to do it fast, like the Cat in the Hat. Hm. I told him I would do my best.

So, I headed to the kitchen and started with the dishes. Weekends seem to be notorious for piling up dishes around here. Somehow, I am more inclined to do them when Mike is not home. I think it's because on the weekends I always hope to have a weekend too...as in a break from my job. But I don't get a break from my job, because my job is currently my life. So, I got to work on cleaning up after the weekend, but I didn't get that far. I unloaded the clean ones, and rinsed the dirty ones and then got the dishwasher mostly loaded, and already I needed to sit down. How pathetic.

To my great shock, Cody fell asleep. He didn't just have a short rest either. At 10:40 a.m. I put Jamie in his crib in their room and Cody did not stir, even when Jamie did his hyper and happy crib dance all over his mattress. I told him to "shh", to which he responded "ssshhhhh". It was adorable. I left, telling myself that if Jamie woke Cody it was not a bad thing, seeing he had already been in there an hour. Soon, there was silence in this place. Wow. In retrospect, I wonder what sort of strange drug I took unknowingly that I did not take advantage of that time and have a nap myself. I guess I was not as tired then as I am now. At 12:30 p.m., Jamie woke up. Cody did not. Cody slept until 1 p.m. I fed the boys lunch shortly after that, so we're having kind of a weird day. Anyway, I'm still surprised that Jamie is not sleeping now, but I really should just bring him out already. Somehow, I feel too overwhelmed to deal with it.

We are invited to the farm (in-laws) for a wiener roast at 5:30 tonight, but suddenly I'm so tired I don't know whether I can go. I might send all the boys without me. Hehe. I will have to see how we do. We are having company for supper tomorrow and it is (as usual) a disaster in here. I need some help to get it cleaned up. I'm hoping to coerce Mike into helping me, seeing I can't seem to do it myself.

Jamie has a new little habit too, which is funny when you are not 8 1/2 months pregnant. He has discovered the boundless joys of unrolling a whole role of toilet paper all over the floor in the bathroom. Once it is all piled up on the floor, he likes to throw it around, and make sure it is not all in one unbroken line anymore too. So even when a person begins the impossible task of re-winding the toilet paper onto the roll again as neatly as possible, it turns out that half the roll has been separated anyway so there is no getting it onto the roll again. So now our main bathroom, the one that guests use, has a big pile of toilet paper on the counter, and a very loose messy roll on the actual roll. Jamie grinned at me when I saw him standing there in the mess. That is the second time he has done that in the last week. He also attempted to empty a kleenex box. It's like owning a puppy or something.

All you-know-what just broke out in our house. I don't know what has come over Cody, who was doing very well this afternoon, but Mike just got home and brought a milkshake for Cody. He took a few sips and said he was done and didn't want anymore. That in itself surprised me. Then Mike offered him some Coke. Yes, Coke. I was not really thrilled, because I am not really big on little kids having pop of any kind, other than a sip here or there, but seeing he was just having a few sips I decided not to worry about it. Then he ended up with a whole sippy cup full. I was not happy. I asked Mike (when Cody was about halfway through the bottle) whether he really thought it was okay that Cody had a 3 1/2 hour nap this morning and was now downing a massive load of caffeine. He conceded that no, it was probably not a good idea. Then he had to confiscate said Coke, which went over something like a lead balloon. Cody has been hysterical ever since. It sounds like he has finally calmed a tiny bit. Oops. False alarm. He's going again. Wow. I don't know whether I have EVER seen him like this. It's so extreme. He is sick, so I am going to attribute it partially to that. He is currently blaming his state on the fact that he wants the sippy cup that Jamie has. (Mike accidentally gave Cody the Coke in Jamie's sippy cup. It has since been emptied and filled with cold water for Jamie, and Cody is freaking out because he wants that cup. Seriously.)

He has just summoned me, assuring me that he has calmed down. I will be back.

Well, that was a while ago. I had a good talk with Cody and we prayed and after he was done praying he said, "I think my tears went away," and they did. Now the house is quiet and empty. The boys went to the farm with Mike and I am here alone. As much as it is difficult for me not to just go to sleep, I have to take this opportunity to shower and do my hair because I won't have a chance tomorrow morning and I have a doctor's appointment in town. Tomorrow I am officially full term. 37 weeks pregnant, and feeling it. Looking it too, I might add. As much as I still stand by my predictions from my last appointment, I am not as upset about everything as I was a week ago. I have two baby boy outfits hanging in my room and every time I am in there I stare at them and try to match names to them to see what fits. If I have a boy, he will be adorable and precious, just like my other two. I hope that I will find a name that I completely love, but I am counting on God to help me with that.

Anyway, I have to run and get going so that I will be ready to help clean when Mike gets home, after the boys are in bed. Not that I am expecting Cody to sleep after his long nap and his super-dose of caffeine, but hopefully he will at least stay in his room. Maybe I'll have an update tomorrow after my appointment, though I may not have time with company coming for supper. Wouldn't it be something if my doctor told me my baby was small?? Haha. Don't worry, not counting on that at all! I'm off for now.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Paranoia

This morning started out nicely. It was quite cloudy out, and despite the predictions from yesterday for rain and thunderstorms, the forecast was changed to sunny and hot. This did not thrill me. Yes, I know, I am warped. Truly, I would prefer a cool, windy day over hot and sunny any day, unless I was planning on doing some swimming in a lake or something. I was happy to see that it was good and cloudy this morning, and there was even a wind, so I got brave and took both boys outside. Cody is easy outside because he stays in the yard and plays very well on his own now. Jamie is not as easy, and though he loves the outdoors, he is usually napping when Cody gets his time outside. Today I figured the wind would keep the bugs away and the clouds would keep the heat away, so it was perfect. Jamie wandered around while Cody ran and played, and I sat up on the deck in our porch swing, watching. It was quite pleasant.

We had an odd sort of afternoon though. My sister in law called and wanted us to come to her place to watch her two girls because one of their ponies escaped and they had been unable to find it. So, we did go, and it was hard for me because it was hot by then, and no longer cloudy, and at her place we were strictly outside. So, I watched as my boys got redder and redder in the face, and I started to feel ill. The thing is, I don't know why it affected all of us so badly, because it was not supremely hot outside, but maybe just all the direct sunlight was what did it. I'm not sure. My nieces had no problems whatsoever, which left me wondering whether it is just that I am not outside enough to have acclimatized to the summer conditions, and same with my boys. (Especially Jamie.)

At any rate, thankfully my brother in law got home after about an hour, so I brought the boys home. Jamie missed his nap, which was unfortunate, but he is doing fine. I, on the other hand, feel like collapsing. How pathetic is this? I really feel ill. Mike is on his way home and he is bringing Pizza Hut, which is a rare treat for us, and I am wondering whether I'll even be able to eat one piece. Plus, now I am getting paranoid too, as I write this, wondering when was the last time I felt the baby kick. Not that I think the sun would affect the baby, but I thought, what if I'm not feeling well because something is genuinely wrong?? I'm sure it isn't, but sometimes I have these paranoid moments. I hope the baby wakes up soon. Maybe I should poke his bum a bit. Hm. he is still not moving. Maybe some pizza will wake him up. I better go. Supper is here.

Okay, I'm still feeling weird, but the baby moved a bit during supper, so my paranoia has settled at least a little bit. Usually "he" is much more active in the evenings anyway, so we'll see what happens this evening. If there is not much movement, I might get checked tomorrow. I'm paranoid because of other girls' experiences that I have heard about recently, and I'd rather not take any chances. Don't worry though, I'm sure I am being over dramatic at this point in time. Maybe I'll tag on an update if this baby kicks the living daylights out of me later. Bye for now.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Forgot what I was going to say.

Had a long day today because Mike had his students' graduation, so he was to be gone until late. I figured about 10 p.m. It was a long day with the boys, but I did my best and even did some cleaning. It is not beautiful in here, but it is not ground zero anymore either. Cody was grouchy this morning after getting up before 7 a.m. once again, but we had a pretty decent day considering. Jamie is still sick, but not severe, and he was in a pretty good mood all day, which is typical of him. I got them to bed at about 7:15 p.m. and a while after that I decided that it would be a good time for a shower, seeing I never get the chance during the day!! To my surprise, Mike was home when I got out, so I will not be alone this evening after all. Then again, he has been talking on the phone ever since he got home, so I might still be on my own.

We are in the midst of a severe thunderstorm watch right now, but despite a very cool dark sky, we are not seeing much action at this point in time. I'm kind of disappointed. Is that warped? Well, even if it is, I can't help it. It was crazy hot here today and I love that it is now cloudy out and doesn't look so blazing hot. I thought I had some stuff to say in here tonight, but for some reason I can't remember what it was! How typical is that! I still hope we get to hear a bit of thunder, but I'm not sure that will happen tonight after all.

Ooo...Mike has now gone for ice cream. I'm hungry, so this is good. Well, maybe not, seeing my baby is so "huge" already, but I guess there is not much point in worrying about that right now. Wow. Seriously, I wish I could remember what I intended to blog about, but clearly it is not coming to me. I guess I will sign off for now and maybe tomorrow I will have something more interesting to say.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Back from our trip

So I took a break from my blog for the last few days. It started because we went away again this weekend to my parents' place. While we were there, we took the boys to the children's museum, which was fun, plus I bought a few more cloth diapers - these ones are newborns. They're so tiny! I also got my hair cut, and that was long overdue, so that was good.

Our main reason for being there, though, was for Cody. He had an appointment with the specialist (pediatric ophthalmologist) to check on his eyes again. This is off topic, but while we were there, there was a family in the waiting room with triplet boys!! Yes, three of them, all three years old, all with glasses. They also had a one year old girl. I figured they were officially crazier than us! The dad said that they were all 6 pounds when born, and only came a month early. I could not believe it! Anyway, Cody's prescription has changed again. I think this will be his fourth one, and he has not even had glasses for two years yet. (He had to get glasses at 19 months old, which was a shocker for us, as neither Mike or I have ever needed glasses. There was also a chance he would need surgery, but we don't know yet. It was very upsetting when it all came about, but he does very well with his glasses now, and he's pretty cute with them too.) So the good news was that Cody's prescription needs to be weaker, which means his eyes have gotten stronger. Unfortunately, the weaker prescription may cause his eye to turn in more (right now it is a very slight turn, and not noticeable to anyone who is not in the eye profession), which may mean surgery in the future. I have to take him back in September, which I dread because I will have a two month old baby by then. So, that was positive for the most part. He'll get his new glasses in a week or so. Then we'll see if he keeps looking over and around them, or whether he is more comfortable in them.

That was on Monday. Since then, we have had some grumpy boys. They both have colds, and were up at 5 a.m. yesterday, thanks to Jamie and a poopy diaper! Cody did not go back to sleep, so he was a wreck. I had to take them to Brandon because I had a doctor's appointment. I am 36 weeks now. Hard to believe. Only 4 more weeks until my due date. I could not get a babysitter, and I was dreading the appointment because there was something that had to be done that I didn't want my kids there for. (I will leave it at that.) Fortunately, Andrea (my sister) called me about half an hour before I left home to say that she could baby sit after all. Phew. I was so relieved about that. So, I headed to town, dropped off the boys and went to the clinic. My appointment was for 11:20 a.m. I arrived about one minute prior to that and they took me right in. I did not even have to wait at all. My doctor is very punctual! So, we had the usual appointment, plus the one extra thing, which is to check for group B strep. But then he felt the baby through my stomach and he said, "Well, this is not a miniature baby, that's for sure." My heart sank when he said that. Just about 6 weeks ago he told me the opposite, and I was so excited about possibly having a small baby this time around. I said, "That's not what you said before." He just said again that it is "a good sized baby", and asked me some questions about the size of my previous babies, who were 9 pounds, 2 ounces and 9 pounds, 9.6 ounces. So, when I left my appointment I was quite depressed. I know it is silly, but I guess now I figure that I am following the same pattern as I always have. That means that I will have a very big baby, and it will definitely be a boy, and it will be late too. Cody was 5 days late, Jamie was 6 days late, so I figure this one will be 7 days late. That means it will come on July 21st, and will probably be close to 10 pounds. I am really sad about all of this. I know that it's because I am over reacting, but I can't seem to help it. I don't have a boy name that I am in love with, so that doesn't help. Plus I really wanted to be a week early, or even slightly over a week. Mike is off for the summer, so I don't want to wait til the end of July to have the baby and have him here for 4 weeks instead of 6...or something like that. I also thought a small baby would be fun because it would stay small for longer. And of course, a girl would have been nice too, seeing this is probably my last baby and my last chance to ever have a daughter.

Don't get me wrong, three boys this close together will be fun, and my hope for them is that they will always have a special bond and be good friends. I think that's pretty cool. I just have a fear of being left behind, or left out...etc. I am not very good with activities such as camping, which Mike loves. I'm too wimpy about bugs, and I also highly value indoor plumbing. I also love animals and can't handle hunting, which Mike did with his brothers and dad growing up. I'm not much of an athlete either, unfortunately. I don't even enjoy golfing that much, even though Mike is a fanatic, and Cody already loves it too. So, I have this fear that I will be left behind all the time while they all go and bond together, and I won't have anyone to bond with myself. I love my boys, and I am bonding with them plenty right now, but what happens when they grow up? I know, it's selfish. I can't seem to get this off my mind. I guess Mike won't abandon me, but I guess I don't know what I really have to offer boys, other than obviously my love and care...etc. What I mean is, what kind of legacy can I leave with boys? What will they look back on and remember? The times that Dad took them fishing? The times that they went camping with Dad? The golf games with the foursome - three brothers and Dad? Who knows? Maybe I will have my horses some day after all, and one of my boys will be into riding with me. I can't say for sure. It just seems likely that they will be doing their things, and I will be left out.

Anyway, that is just me being overly emotional. It will probably get worse as I get closer to my due date. Just wait til I go past my due date. Then I'll really be a mess. What I really should be doing right now is cleaning my house. I really want to get everything ready, in the off chance that I do have this baby early. I don't want to go into the hospital when my house is a disaster and then have my poor parents have to come and stay here when it is like this. I figure if I can get everything prepared ahead of time, I will just have to work hard to keep things organized so that when the moment comes I will not be worried about it and I can just focus on labour. Can you tell I am 8 months pregnant? It is really on my mind these days. It's hard not to think about it when I am so huge and this baby is kicking and jumping non-stop.

I think I should sign off for now. I have lots to do and Jamie will be done his nap soon so I should get something done before he wakes up. Bye for now.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Middle of the night snack attacks

So last night was not the most triumphant sleep that I have ever gotten. It started with what I am learning is actually heartburn, a common side effect of pregnancy. Well, I think that's what it is. This horrible pressure like everything in your stomach is being forced up into your esophagus in a large balloon...I had that all evening yesterday. The only relief was to try to burp, which would help for approximately three seconds afterwards. Yes, I felt very attractive, burping and waddling to the toilet and back to pee every half hour or so. I tried pushing the baby down in my stomach, but I got kicked in response, so I guess that is a no go.

I did eventually fall asleep, but at about 3:30 a.m., Cody began whimpering off and on, which is very unusual for him. I listened for a while, assuming that I would need to go in there and calm him after a nightmare or something, but he quieted down enough to let me get to that blissful "almost asleep" place, and then he started again. It got more intense, so I decided I better go in there so that he did not wake Jamie up. I went to see him and he was crying and said that he really wanted a peanut butter sandwich. Hm. Okay, at 3:45 a.m.??? I offered him water instead and he accepted, as long as I made it "supery-dupery", which translates as "really cold". I got the water, and told him he was to be really quiet and go back to sleep. I went back to bed and returned to the land of "almost asleep". I hate that place. It is better to skip it and just go straight to sleep. Being wrenched out of "almost asleep" is worse than being woken up from actual legitimate sleep. Cody was still upset in his room, and eventually Jamie piped in and tried his best to make it into a party. He squealed and laughed loudly, and I was getting increasingly annoyed. I still had that gross heartburn feeling, though not as severe, and the baby had some kind of violent pow-wow inside of me. Maybe a pee-pee dance, or something? Well, it was starting to get light outside and I was still awake. I lost count of how many pit stops I made during that time, not to mention how many times I traveled to and from "almost asleep". Eventually, I broke down and turned off the monitor. When I say that I broke down, I am quite serious. Here it was, 5 a.m., and I was still awake.

Jamie was up with the birds, despite his late night fun, and I ignored him as long as possible, which was until about 8 a.m. Cody did not make a sound until 9:30 a.m., a record-breaking sleep-in for him. It did not help me though, because I did NOT benefit from the luxury of a similar sleep-in. I am not in the greatest mood today, and for some reason I am ridiculously hungry, even right after I eat. Jamie is in a TERRIBLE mood, which is very out of character for him. He is still very cute, but has been doing things like crying hysterically for reasons unknown to anyone other than himself, and having angry outbursts directed at me for changing his diaper or even trying to give him a cup of water.

I tried so hard to get my homework done this morning while Jamie napped and Cody was outside, but both of those things ended prematurely, and now I am in survival mode. I wanted to get my homework done this morning and then do my cleaning and packing this afternoon and evening, but I think I am officially up the creek. We are going away this weekend again because Cody has a specialist appointment on Monday morning to see about his eyes and how they are doing. The Stanley Cup final is on tonight, so I will not have help with whatever organizing needs to be done for the trip. I just hate the end of hockey season. Not because it's over, but because of the excessive amounts of hockey that I am subjected to every week. It's okay during the regular season...I am getting used to it after nearly nine years married to a hockey fanatic, but the playoffs are too much for me and eventually make me bitter and tremendously annoyed. Not that I'm irritable lately or anything.

Anyway, I just ate lunch, but I am feeling very hungry, so I'm going to grab another snack from the kitchen before I feed my boys. Here's hoping the rest of this day doesn't get too rough. I don't think I'll make it if it does. I'm off for now.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Same Again

Hm. Cody is grouchy again this morning, further adding to my concerns that he is simply not getting enough sleep. I have disciplined him multiple times this morning, and about half an hour ago I put him to bed and had a talk with him. He told me he was feeling sad, and then in a rather wimpy voice (with a hint of a smile on his face) he told me that he is feeling sick. I know this is not the case, but I decided to humor him anyway. I asked him why he is feeling sick. He said that he is sick from beach water because you are not supposed to drink it, but you can swim in it, right? I kept a straight face, but seriously, Cody has never been to the beach. Where this particular flow of you-know-what was coming from, I didn't know. I do know that he was trying to make me feel sorry for him. He does this now. So I asked him in what part of his body he was feeling sick. He said, "My legs." I have to give him credit, he truly sounded like he was in pain the way he said it. I told him that the best thing to do would be to lay down for a while and then his legs would feel better. It was pretty funny. Poor kid. All the articles on sleep that I read make it sound like Cody is indeed sleep deprived. I have heard from more than one source that keeping your kid from napping during the day will make them even worse at night, but if they nap during the day they will sleep better when you put them to bed. Oh how I wish that were true for Cody. We have tried that many times and it never fails that he is then up all evening AND early in the morning. The last two nights he has been in bed by 7 p.m. or shortly after, and both mornings (today and yesterday) he slept until almost 8 a.m. Maybe the early bed times are the key for him. I just don't know. Let's face it, I have no idea what I am doing here. (Incidentally, he only stayed in his room for about five minutes. He is on the loose once again, and is currently requesting that we sing "Mama Mia".)

Jamie is better today in terms of his mood, but his nose looks gross. Blech. This morning he stuck his fingers in my mouth after they had been in his. It happened so fast I could not even react. I was hoping to avoid getting sick, particularly in this last bit of pregnancy, but that may not be possible now. Time will tell.

Jamie's favorite game these days is spinning over and over again, making himself dizzy, and then laughing when he falls over. It's cute, but makes me nervous because I did that as a kid and split my cheek open on the corner of a living room end table. I have the scar to prove it. I'm told that being the mother of boys I should expect some incidents that involve stitches over the years. I hope that will not prove accurate. I wouldn't be surprised with Jamie though. He is my little maniac. So cute though. No wonder moms get over-protective. I could see myself easily falling into that category, if I'm not there already.

Blech. I feel like I have the stomach flu today. I don't think I do, but something is definitely wrong and it hurts. I think I'm going to sign off now. Jamie is in bed, and Cody is in my face, still not very happy. Hopefully we can fix that soon. I'm off for now.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nothing Earth-Shattering Today

Okay, so yesterday was rough with Cody, but here's hoping that today will be better. I have decided to be extremely swift with correction today so that he can't get away with anything at all. Maybe that will undo some of the damage that I have apparently done. I am finding it very hard to police him these days because I am physically so wiped out and also very awkward and slow. However, our morning is going better so far.

Jamie, on the other hand, is sick with a cold and he has been in a pretty grumpy state since he got out of bed this morning. Poor kid. He is back in bed now and sleeping soundly, which is exactly what he needs.

I think my baby is in sideways. Maybe diagonal? I don't know...it's just that the movement seems to span from my lower right side up to my sternum, and almost never on my left side. Supposedly that means it's a boy, I think. Big surprise there! Most of the wives tales say I'm having a girl, but that's what they always tell me and it has yet to be a girl!

Anyway, I don't want to start blabbing about that again. In fact, I suddenly feel like I don't have that much to say today. I have a pot of water on the stove, waiting for it to boil, so I guess I should go. Besides, Cody is beckoning my hand. He calls it "Spider", and it is his little friend. He talks to it, gives it toys to play with, hugs it and kisses it and tells it that it is his best pal. Hm. Haha. I just have to animate it enough to make it believable, and before you know it I am just as into the game as he is. It's pretty cute, actually. He's always happy when Spider is around. I better go check on that water and on my laundry too. I'm off for now.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I have no patience left.

I am feeling extremely frustrated and angry right now. My patience is all gone. I just want to have a holiday and relax for the last part of this pregnancy, and I can't. All day Cody disobeys EVERYTHING I say. EVERYTHING!!! I can't stand it. Even Jamie is driving me nuts today. He was incredibly grouchy this morning and I put him down for a nap before 9:30 a.m., but unfortunately, he was up by 10:30 a.m. as a result. I just put Cody in his room for a quiet time because I can't stand the chaos of him running around doing whatever the heck he wants while I helplessly tell him what to do like some kind of idiot who has absolutely no control over anything. He is quiet in his room. Actually, I was scared he fell asleep until about 10 seconds ago and I heard him sneeze or something.

Jamie is playing in the front closet and has actually managed to remove a piece of hardware from the closet door. I have never in my life heard of anyone breaking that piece off, but my kids did. Good for me. It's that little metal piece that's on the inside of each of the bi-fold doors at the bottom about 12 inches off the floor. Have anyone else's kids ever actually removed that???

I have counted over 30 toys that are laying on the floor around me, and that does not include books, and that is just from my current vantage point. I can't seem to teach Cody how to clean up. What is wrong with me?? He just doesn't care what the consequence is. He will NOT clean up after himself. I am very seriously tempted to remove ALL of his toys and just tell him too bad. If he can't put them away, he can't have them at all. Then I would have a bored boy, and my troubles would really start. I think I am at the end of my rope for now. I need to have some space and some quiet, and for pity's sake, some SLEEP!

Cody woke up crying last night because he wanted his pillow. Yes, his pillow had fallen off the bed RIGHT beside him, and he cried for me at four in the morning. I had to stumble into his room just to pick up the pillow, trying not to wake Jamie up in the process. I told him in the future that if he can't find it to please look on the floor beside his bed. I doubt he even remembers that today. Again he is silent, but I am not sure whether to rejoice or to panic. Yesterday I let him nap for a grand total of half an hour, and it took til after 9 p.m. for him and Jamie to go to sleep last night as a result. Yes, I am seriously wondering now whether I have made a mistake and need to go in there to wake him up. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Should I give up on having any time to myself at all during the day? I guess I should. Soon I will have a baby that will rely on me 24 hours a day, so my space will be completely gone.

Anyway, I think I better sign off now. I just needed to vent a bit because I am so frustrated today. I'm too tired to deal with things right now, and I think that's why I'm getting so frustrated.

Oh! I hear Cody moving! That's a bonus. He is talking a tiny bit, so he is for sure not sleeping. I seriously can't believe how quiet he is though. It's a miracle. Oh wait, no. False alarm. Now he has come out and we are back to battle mode. Yikes. Sorry this is so negative. This is all because we had such a big weekend. I knew it would happen like this, but I just can't handle very much these days.

I actually had a dream last night that I had a good hair day and I was wearing a flattering outfit. That dream made my day. How sad is that?? You should see my hair and outfit in real life right now! Haha. Anyway, I am going to sign off. I'm just not in a good mood right now.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Cloth diaper stuff...

Okay, this post will have a bit of a theme to it, so if you are not interested or curious about the cloth diaper stuff you might want to skip this one. I found this blog called www.clothdiaperblog.com, and it appears to be full of good information about cloth diapering. There is also a weekly giveaway every Friday, which is very cool. I believe the giveaway is usually a diaper, but I am so new to the site that I can't be totally sure on that. I would be so thrilled to win a diaper. I know, I know. It probably seems very silly to get excited over diapers, but that is where I'm at these days. I now have another site that I can check obsessively to do diaper research. Maybe one of these days I will actually be prepared for this new baby!

On our trip this weekend I bought a diaper for the baby to try. It is small, so now the baby has two small diapers of his or her own. We also got two wet bags for traveling and they worked very well for this past weekend. We got two diaper pail liners and we also broke down and bought a diaper sprayer, which is like a shower head (only much smaller) that attaches to the toilet for easy cleaning of the dirty diapers. I hope it works. I feel like I am really in this now! This morning I made wipes solution for our cloth wipes. I am almost completely set up now for this whole endeavor. Who would have thought I would ever be doing this?? I still need more stuff in order to prepare for the baby, but even so, I have a fairly big chunk of my budget left to use and we will still be saving a lot of money doing things this way.

Baby is doing gymnastics right now and my laptop is bouncing all over the place! Jamie is sleeping and Cody is doing preschool games on an old apple computer in the kitchen. It is nice and quiet in here. I will do a more in-depth post about the weekend and everything else tomorrow. I am too tired right now, and I have diapers on the brain. Hm. I am pretty sure this is a nesting thing and that if I were not 8 months pregnant right now I might be able to give this a rest. I guess I better go. My house is still a disaster and it would be nice to make a little more progress before Mike gets home. I'm off for now.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Up Late

Well, I should be in bed but we are still preparing for our trip "tomorrow", which has now graduated into today. I think it will be bedtime soon, but looks like we'll be tired this weekend. I'm not surprised. That's usually the way these things go.

I'm having lots of "Braxton Hicks" contractions these days, which is kind of fun. Weird, I guess. Here goes another one. Hm. Really a lot of them tonight. They don't hurt, but they are pretty strong and they give me a very strange sensation. Hopefully I won't go into labour this weekend while I am not at home! I don't want to have this baby in Winnipeg. Don't worry, I am not really concerned that this is a possibility. I doubt very much that my baby will come more than a week early, and even that is wishful thinking. I will probably go past my due date once again, but I am still hoping not.

Anyway, I don't know why I am blogging right now. I must be out of my mind. I better get myself to bed, or at least get ready for bed. I will likely not be able to blog at all this weekend. I am not planning to take my computer along, but then again, who knows? Maybe I'll have some fun updates for Monday, or even Sunday night. Goodnight all.

A bit of a scare...

It turns out that yesterday ended up being more eventful than what I had originally posted. Shortly after I published my last post, I went down the hall and found Cody not playing with his GeoTrax, but rather sitting on my bed with a bottle of infant Tylenol in one hand and the dropper lid in the other. He had sticky goo all around his mouth. I FREAKED out. I asked him if he had eaten any and he said yes. I asked him how much and he said, "One, two, three!" with a big grin on his face. I figured he meant three droppers full, but then he said he also had a "sip". I grabbed the bottle and gave him a substantial and impassioned lecture about medicine and its dangers, which he clearly was not getting. I had to call the toll free number on the bottle for help because I didn't know whether I needed to take him to the doctor or not. I could not tell how much he had consumed. I ended up on the phone with poison control...an experience that I had hoped to never have as a mother. The lady was very nice and assured me that even if he had consumed the entire bottle he would be fine. She said that there is a reason they make the bottles that small, and that there is no way a child could overdose on them. I felt terrible regardless. It was my fault that he got a hold of that bottle. I will have to be more careful in the future. When I called the number on the Tylenol bottle the guy there told me that Cody would be fine, but he had to take all my information because apparently whenever something like that happens, they have to report it to Health Canada, or somewhere like that. He is the one who put me through to poison control when we were done talking, just to be sure. The lady there told me that Cody would not even exhibit any symptoms, and that he would be totally fine. I was so relieved. I really felt like a bad mother.

The reason he even got a hold of it in the first place is because I let Jamie hold it during a diaper change just to keep him calm. He tends to get really frustrated and thrash around a lot during diaper changes, and it is very difficult to get him in a clean diaper. I hate it, actually. I don't care about dealing with dirty diapers, but it is exhausting fighting him through the entire process, and trying to keep him from kicking his feet into a poopy diaper, or rolling over while I am trying to get another diaper on him. I guess he threw it on the floor when I was not looking, and it ended up in his toy bin. That's where Cody said he found it. Yikes.

Today I am preparing for our weekend away, but still very exhausted so once again trying to stay awake and resisting the temptation to just go to bed. I probably should have just caved and had a nap, but it's too late now. Jamie is waking up. I kicked Cody outside for a while, and when I was in my room organizing and packing some things I heard him yelling and making a big deal out of something, but I didn't check on him because it sounded pretty typical for Cody. Not long after, he came in the house and informed me that he saw a snake on the hill and that he was really scared of it. I thought the snake part was mostly amusing, seeing snakes in these parts are small and harmless. It was the hill comment that disturbed me. He assured me that he did not go up the hill but the snake did. Then he said he wanted to go pat it. I said no, because he is not to climb the ridge when we are not with him. In the end, he decided to stay in the house for a while, so I feel a little safer with him contained here. He is watching TV now. He just told me that he is really tired. I know he is telling the truth! I am too, but again, Jamie is awake. I cannot sleep if Jamie is awake. I might go lay down anyway and let Jamie stay in his room a little longer. I think I will do that. I may not post this weekend because of our trip, but we'll see how I do. Here's hoping today is less eventful than yesterday was!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Quiet day. Ahhh.

I am as tired as I can be, and desperate for a nap, but I can't unless I put the TV on for Cody, and I am reluctant to do so. Jamie is sleeping, and has been down for about an hour and 15 minutes or so. He missed his morning nap because I took him and Cody to get their hair cut in Oak Lake. Jamie is grumpy today, and I am not sure why. Maybe he is overtired, or maybe he is getting sick... It is hard to say.

Cody just came in from outside. It is now raining out, very lightly. It is my kind of day. Not the rain so much, but it is cloudy and windy, a tiny bit cool-ish, and I can feel a wonderful breeze throughout my house. I have not used the air conditioning once this year, and it is June. Okay, for some people that may sound normal, but I really hate the heat, and as soon as it gets really hot out my air conditioning gets turned on. It has been a cool summer so far. While that bothers a lot of people, I am not one of them. I wanted spring to come earlier than it did, but I have absolutely no complaints about the lower than average temperatures so far this summer. Couldn't have planned it better myself. I was dreading being pregnant at this time of the year. I'm sure that by the time this baby comes it will be terribly hot, like usual, but the longer it stays cool, the better. I can smell the rain now, and it is refreshing. It would be a good day for baking, if I had the energy. I have not done much today in terms of usefulness. I have not cleaned, I haven't even stuffed the diapers that I washed. Yikes, I better do that now before Jamie wakes up and needs one!

Okay, diapers are stuffed and folded. Jamie is now fussing. I'm kind of bummed about that. I was really enjoying the quiet around here. Cody is in Jamie's old room, playing with his Geo Trax. It is nice to have them in the other room. It is almost like having a separate play room for him. We will have one of those once the basement is finished, but that is going to be a long time from now, by the look of things! Only because of finances though. Other than that, nothing is stopping us from having it finished this summer or at least by the fall. We even got the call today that our new toilets are in. Finally. I can't remember whether I blogged about the crazy toilet sale way back when. It was on February 21st, and it was ridiculous. Like a boxing day sale, only strictly on these dual flush toilets. They were supposed to be in within 8 weeks, but again, ours just came in today. I'm glad we didn't need it all this time. We got one for the basement, and one to replace the sub-standard one we have in our main bathroom that has never flushed properly. Ew. That is one of my worst things. Toilets that don't flush. So, maybe next week some time we'll have the main bathroom one installed. It will be a long time before we're ready for one in the basement. If only money really did grow on trees. We have a lot of trees here! I guess I am going to have to keep brainstorming for a way to make money from home.

Anyway, going to sign off for now. Jamie seems to be settled once again. Hopefully he will remain so for a while! Meanwhile, I will continue to resist the urge to crawl into my bed and fall asleep!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Just Another Day

Cody has gone outside, at my insistence, so I am alone with Jamie in here. Well, Cricket is also with us, and making more noise than he does. It is nice to separate the boys now and again during the day when they are both up because otherwise there are fights or stealing of toys, or just plain dangerous activities. Jamie had a very horrible head bump this morning. I was doing dishes in the kitchen and heard the horrific bang and then Jamie wailing. I ran (well, if you can call it running in my current condition) down the hall and picked him up and he was inconsolable for a long time, which is not normal for him.

Hehe. He is having a tantrum right now due to his sadness that Cody just went out the door without him. His tantrums are still pretty cute. He is thrashing his legs and everything, laying on his back on the floor. Mostly he is just really bummed that his brother is outside and he is stuck in here.

Anyway, I think his head is okay, but there might be a bump there. It is hard to tell for sure. His legs, on the other hand, are absolutely covered in eczema and we don't know what is triggering it. I am now wondering whether he is allergic to grass on top of whatever else the problem is, because he was outside in shorts recently and sat on the grass with bare legs. Since then, his legs have been absolutely horrible but the rest of his body is not bad at all. So, wondering whether that could have triggered it?? We have stopped using bounce sheets on the boys' clothes, plus I am back to using Tide Free, in hopes that it will help. We are wondering about milk allergies, but I am getting stressed about not ever giving him milk because he needs the calcium. I might have to take him to see his doctor and maybe he can help me figure out a plan to help Jamie. Poor little guy.

Our day here is going all right. It is kind of a roller coaster day. Sometimes it is up, sometimes it is down. I mostly feel like falling asleep, and I am having a hard time not doing so, but I cannot do it because these boys need supervision. They are really both so cute. I can hear Cody humming to himself as he plays outside, and Jamie is making little motor sounds while he plays with a toy truck. He is so adorable. He's frustrated about something right now, so he took a little plastic container, charged over to the stairs, gave me a bit of a look, and hurled it down the stairs. I think he was making a statement. He is good at those. Now he is trying on my shoes, which are too big even for my feet. They are perfect for late in pregnancy when swelling is gross.

That reminds me, I had my 34 week appointment yesterday, and all is still well with the baby, and with me too. My blood sugar level is "excellent", said my doctor, so no worries about gestational diabetes here. Nice. I figured as much, as I have never had that problem before, but nice to know all the same. Baby's heart rate was sounding good, though the doc didn't specify what the heart rate was. I kind of like to keep track, but it's dumb, I guess. I like to analyze because of gender stuff, but that's dumb because both of my boys went against the stereotype (which is a confirmed wives tale anyway), so the heart rate on this one would tell me nothing. Either way, the heart beat is strong, and that is what I am looking for! Can't believe labour and childbirth are only about a month and a half away. I am getting a stomach ache again, as I do every time I think about it. Haha.

So, on that note, I'm going to go. I'm falling asleep anyway, so I barely even know what I am saying. Nothing really too exciting to report at the moment, but I must keep reminding myself that dull is a good thing around here. I'm off for now.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Matrix Unloaded

Well, tonight we officially bade farewell to our beloved black Toyota Matrix. There were tears in my eyes as I watched it drive down our lane and around the corner out of sight. Mike was also exceedingly sad. It was by far the best car I have ever had, and I absolutely loved it. However, we simply could not fit three car seats safely in the back seat, and because our kids are so close together, we need three car seats and will for some time now. That is why we bought our Sienna, which is a great van, but I miss my Matrix dearly. It was black with dark tint, and I referred to it as the Batmobile, until I found out that at the time it was technically classified as a station wagon. That was a real setback for me, but then it became the Batmowagon and it was still cool. Ish. Then they reclassified it as a CUV, a compact utility vehicle, and suddenly it was cool again. We sold it to one of Mike's brothers and his wife, who just had their first baby a week ago. I am extremely happy for them, because I think it will be a fantastic vehicle for them. I am glad we sold it to someone in the family, but at the same time I think I am going to cry when I see it at family gatherings and it is not mine anymore.

Is this ridiculous? Maybe. After all, it is just a car. But seriously, it is the first car Mike and I bought together, and we bought it brand new too. Then we went on our only vacation together (we have now been married almost nine years. Yikes. That was in 2003.), and I guess there are a lot of good memories of that car. Plus it was super comfortable and fun to drive. I probably sound ungrateful because seriously, we have a Sienna now, which is a fantastic van, but it is still a van and has a totally different feel to it. Plus it is kind of a "fogie" colour. Like a sand, or even worse, "beige". It does not look cool, though it is terribly comfortable and roomy, and also feels very nice to drive. I am just not attached to it like I was to the Matrix. I just remember the first time I got in the Matrix (actually a different one, but also black and the same model) and I was shocked to find that I instantly fell in love with it. There was no looking back after that. We just had to buy it. I guess this is a rite of passage into a new phase in my life, but it kind of depresses me. Now I am no longer in that young love, free to go out when you want, phase in life. I am grateful for my kids, but once in a while I feel like this is the beginning of the end. My life is over and it is all about them now. I'm glad to pour myself into them, but once in a while I feel a little lost.

And now I'm starting all over again for the third consecutive time. I will probably have a slight crisis shortly after this baby is born. I always do. But then it goes away and I fall completely in love yet again. How does that work anyway? I'm rambling now, I guess. What I really mean is that I just don't want life to slip away on me before I know it, and right now I'm in a weird state of mind and it feels like that is exactly what is happening. Soon I'll be a soccer mom and my evenings will be consumed with chauffeuring and helping with homework and music lessons and who knows what else. I hope that somewhere in there I will still have the time and discipline to pursue my own dreams.

All of this comes out of watching the Matrix drive away tonight. It must be the hormones, I guess. I am going to sign off for now. I don't really feel like writing about the rest of my day. Maybe tomorrow. Goodnight.