Thursday, June 25, 2009

Baby worries...

Feeling weird today. Okay, not weird...maybe just pregnant. I don't know. I spend a lot of time on this website, babycenter, chatting with a bunch of women who are also due in July of this year. They are mostly American, and when I say "a bunch" I do mean literally hundreds. There are a few thousand members due in July, but I think there are less than a thousand who actually post. Anyway, the thing is, there have been several tragic losses on my board of babies, and it is very heart-wrenching. Just yesterday, another girl had to report a still birth, and it was just horrible. I know that technically it is a small minority of the girls who are going through this, but these posts stand out and it is increasingly difficult to read them. I have wondered whether I should take a break from the website for a while. After yesterday's post about the boy who was stillborn (had the cord wrapped around his neck twice. They found out he had passed before they did a c section to bring him out), I feel somewhat afraid for my baby. Here I am, technically full term, and that means that baby should be safe if he/she comes right away. But now a part of me can't help but think that you never know, and babies are not always safe just because they are full term. This morning my baby didn't move much, and I felt paranoid. But then I couldn't remember how much he (or she) normally moves in the morning. Last night was like a circus in my belly, but often when I wake up in the morning the baby does too, and that didn't really happen today. I have felt kicks now and then, but I'm thinking of eating or drinking something really sugary and seeing what kind of response I get. That's what they say to do when there is not much movement and you are wondering. I mean, how do you ever know when there is really something wrong and you need to go to the hospital?? I would not normally worry about my baby this late in pregnancy. It's just that these poor girls thought they were safe too, and their babies died. I just don't think I could go through that. How does a person ever get over that???

Anyway, I wake up every morning with a bad stomach ache these days, and I'm not sure whether that is due to being nervous about the impending labour/birth stuff, or whether it is just normal for this time in pregnancy. I am having lots of contractions too, and had one earlier that was actually somewhat uncomfortable, rather than just weird feeling. So, now part of me is feeling a bit more hopeful of having this baby early, once again. Hm. I don't want to get my hopes up about that, but in some ways it would be nice. In other ways, not so much. I am still unprepared, and need to go shopping as soon as I can. Mike is supposed to be done work today, but now he is helping his brother move this afternoon. I'm glad he is helping, but it makes it hard for me because it means yet another full day by myself here with these maniacs! Tomorrow I am going shopping, all by myself. I don't really look forward to it, as it is not fun needing to seek out a bathroom every half hour when you are in the midst of shopping, but I have to get some nursing bras, and I can't exactly send Mike on that mission, can I? Oh well. I will survive. After my shopping is done, I will feel a bit more prepared, so that is good. Then, Mike can help me clean and organize, except wait...he is going away all day on Saturday again. Yep. I will be alone again. So, I have one day off, and then I'm alone. I really hope I don't go into labour for at least another week yet. I know, I do want to be early, but just not quite this early.

The baby is moving right now, by the way. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. I just have to stop dwelling on all the tragedies I have read about. It was the same between November and January, when several of the girls on my board miscarried. Very sad, and hard not to fear for my own baby when reading all of them. It's amazing how many things can go wrong in pregnancy, and yet the vast majority of babies are born perfectly healthy. Hm.

Anyway, I'm getting a stomach ache again. Probably from getting nervous, as I do every time I think about the whole childbirth thing. Yes, even my third time around I am still very nervous. Why shouldn't I be? It hurts. If I think too hard about it, I will actually shed a tear or two, so I better not go there. I think I will sign off for now.

2 comments:

Drahdrah said...

That website sounds like it's just stressing you out ! Maybe it's best to stay away for now. Also, when I was pregnant, my doctor told me to drink something cold if I didn't feel the baby moving. That usually worked to get the baby moving.

CAT said...

Yes, it might be wise to stop reading about the tragic baby losses on there. There are lots of happy announcements too. I think I just need a break or something. I'll try the cold drink if it happens again. Right now the baby is kicking like a psycho gymnast, so I'm not worried at the moment!