Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Back from our trip

So I took a break from my blog for the last few days. It started because we went away again this weekend to my parents' place. While we were there, we took the boys to the children's museum, which was fun, plus I bought a few more cloth diapers - these ones are newborns. They're so tiny! I also got my hair cut, and that was long overdue, so that was good.

Our main reason for being there, though, was for Cody. He had an appointment with the specialist (pediatric ophthalmologist) to check on his eyes again. This is off topic, but while we were there, there was a family in the waiting room with triplet boys!! Yes, three of them, all three years old, all with glasses. They also had a one year old girl. I figured they were officially crazier than us! The dad said that they were all 6 pounds when born, and only came a month early. I could not believe it! Anyway, Cody's prescription has changed again. I think this will be his fourth one, and he has not even had glasses for two years yet. (He had to get glasses at 19 months old, which was a shocker for us, as neither Mike or I have ever needed glasses. There was also a chance he would need surgery, but we don't know yet. It was very upsetting when it all came about, but he does very well with his glasses now, and he's pretty cute with them too.) So the good news was that Cody's prescription needs to be weaker, which means his eyes have gotten stronger. Unfortunately, the weaker prescription may cause his eye to turn in more (right now it is a very slight turn, and not noticeable to anyone who is not in the eye profession), which may mean surgery in the future. I have to take him back in September, which I dread because I will have a two month old baby by then. So, that was positive for the most part. He'll get his new glasses in a week or so. Then we'll see if he keeps looking over and around them, or whether he is more comfortable in them.

That was on Monday. Since then, we have had some grumpy boys. They both have colds, and were up at 5 a.m. yesterday, thanks to Jamie and a poopy diaper! Cody did not go back to sleep, so he was a wreck. I had to take them to Brandon because I had a doctor's appointment. I am 36 weeks now. Hard to believe. Only 4 more weeks until my due date. I could not get a babysitter, and I was dreading the appointment because there was something that had to be done that I didn't want my kids there for. (I will leave it at that.) Fortunately, Andrea (my sister) called me about half an hour before I left home to say that she could baby sit after all. Phew. I was so relieved about that. So, I headed to town, dropped off the boys and went to the clinic. My appointment was for 11:20 a.m. I arrived about one minute prior to that and they took me right in. I did not even have to wait at all. My doctor is very punctual! So, we had the usual appointment, plus the one extra thing, which is to check for group B strep. But then he felt the baby through my stomach and he said, "Well, this is not a miniature baby, that's for sure." My heart sank when he said that. Just about 6 weeks ago he told me the opposite, and I was so excited about possibly having a small baby this time around. I said, "That's not what you said before." He just said again that it is "a good sized baby", and asked me some questions about the size of my previous babies, who were 9 pounds, 2 ounces and 9 pounds, 9.6 ounces. So, when I left my appointment I was quite depressed. I know it is silly, but I guess now I figure that I am following the same pattern as I always have. That means that I will have a very big baby, and it will definitely be a boy, and it will be late too. Cody was 5 days late, Jamie was 6 days late, so I figure this one will be 7 days late. That means it will come on July 21st, and will probably be close to 10 pounds. I am really sad about all of this. I know that it's because I am over reacting, but I can't seem to help it. I don't have a boy name that I am in love with, so that doesn't help. Plus I really wanted to be a week early, or even slightly over a week. Mike is off for the summer, so I don't want to wait til the end of July to have the baby and have him here for 4 weeks instead of 6...or something like that. I also thought a small baby would be fun because it would stay small for longer. And of course, a girl would have been nice too, seeing this is probably my last baby and my last chance to ever have a daughter.

Don't get me wrong, three boys this close together will be fun, and my hope for them is that they will always have a special bond and be good friends. I think that's pretty cool. I just have a fear of being left behind, or left out...etc. I am not very good with activities such as camping, which Mike loves. I'm too wimpy about bugs, and I also highly value indoor plumbing. I also love animals and can't handle hunting, which Mike did with his brothers and dad growing up. I'm not much of an athlete either, unfortunately. I don't even enjoy golfing that much, even though Mike is a fanatic, and Cody already loves it too. So, I have this fear that I will be left behind all the time while they all go and bond together, and I won't have anyone to bond with myself. I love my boys, and I am bonding with them plenty right now, but what happens when they grow up? I know, it's selfish. I can't seem to get this off my mind. I guess Mike won't abandon me, but I guess I don't know what I really have to offer boys, other than obviously my love and care...etc. What I mean is, what kind of legacy can I leave with boys? What will they look back on and remember? The times that Dad took them fishing? The times that they went camping with Dad? The golf games with the foursome - three brothers and Dad? Who knows? Maybe I will have my horses some day after all, and one of my boys will be into riding with me. I can't say for sure. It just seems likely that they will be doing their things, and I will be left out.

Anyway, that is just me being overly emotional. It will probably get worse as I get closer to my due date. Just wait til I go past my due date. Then I'll really be a mess. What I really should be doing right now is cleaning my house. I really want to get everything ready, in the off chance that I do have this baby early. I don't want to go into the hospital when my house is a disaster and then have my poor parents have to come and stay here when it is like this. I figure if I can get everything prepared ahead of time, I will just have to work hard to keep things organized so that when the moment comes I will not be worried about it and I can just focus on labour. Can you tell I am 8 months pregnant? It is really on my mind these days. It's hard not to think about it when I am so huge and this baby is kicking and jumping non-stop.

I think I should sign off for now. I have lots to do and Jamie will be done his nap soon so I should get something done before he wakes up. Bye for now.


drahdrah said...

I think just the fact that you are concerned about what legacy you will leave if you have only boys is a good sign that you are a good mom. If I were you, I wouldn't give up on it being a girl, or her coming a little early. It ain't over till it's over !!! Also, the doctor isn't always right about how big the baby is by examining you. I had an ultrasound about 3 weeks before Baby J was born, and the technician's estimate was bang on... where as my doctor was about a pound over. Hang in there !

Kim said...

I hope you're feeling better since you wrote this Cheryl...God is into surprises. I can't imagine that you would predict every single detail like that to a tee!!! Not that I question your brilliance...

I remember your dear sister struggling with the same issues...very similar actually in terms of bonding and the camping trips & male oriented things. I know they'll definitely remember special times with you...good grief, you're so much fun to begin with. I think about the teens I work with & so many of the guys enjoy having someone to listen to them & encourage them. You can just tell. You'll be just like's not just about activities. It's about being there. They'll remember how you loved them!!! ... & you still don't know, there may be a girl in there - big or small!!!

Praying for you!!! :)