Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I have no patience left.

I am feeling extremely frustrated and angry right now. My patience is all gone. I just want to have a holiday and relax for the last part of this pregnancy, and I can't. All day Cody disobeys EVERYTHING I say. EVERYTHING!!! I can't stand it. Even Jamie is driving me nuts today. He was incredibly grouchy this morning and I put him down for a nap before 9:30 a.m., but unfortunately, he was up by 10:30 a.m. as a result. I just put Cody in his room for a quiet time because I can't stand the chaos of him running around doing whatever the heck he wants while I helplessly tell him what to do like some kind of idiot who has absolutely no control over anything. He is quiet in his room. Actually, I was scared he fell asleep until about 10 seconds ago and I heard him sneeze or something.

Jamie is playing in the front closet and has actually managed to remove a piece of hardware from the closet door. I have never in my life heard of anyone breaking that piece off, but my kids did. Good for me. It's that little metal piece that's on the inside of each of the bi-fold doors at the bottom about 12 inches off the floor. Have anyone else's kids ever actually removed that???

I have counted over 30 toys that are laying on the floor around me, and that does not include books, and that is just from my current vantage point. I can't seem to teach Cody how to clean up. What is wrong with me?? He just doesn't care what the consequence is. He will NOT clean up after himself. I am very seriously tempted to remove ALL of his toys and just tell him too bad. If he can't put them away, he can't have them at all. Then I would have a bored boy, and my troubles would really start. I think I am at the end of my rope for now. I need to have some space and some quiet, and for pity's sake, some SLEEP!

Cody woke up crying last night because he wanted his pillow. Yes, his pillow had fallen off the bed RIGHT beside him, and he cried for me at four in the morning. I had to stumble into his room just to pick up the pillow, trying not to wake Jamie up in the process. I told him in the future that if he can't find it to please look on the floor beside his bed. I doubt he even remembers that today. Again he is silent, but I am not sure whether to rejoice or to panic. Yesterday I let him nap for a grand total of half an hour, and it took til after 9 p.m. for him and Jamie to go to sleep last night as a result. Yes, I am seriously wondering now whether I have made a mistake and need to go in there to wake him up. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Should I give up on having any time to myself at all during the day? I guess I should. Soon I will have a baby that will rely on me 24 hours a day, so my space will be completely gone.

Anyway, I think I better sign off now. I just needed to vent a bit because I am so frustrated today. I'm too tired to deal with things right now, and I think that's why I'm getting so frustrated.

Oh! I hear Cody moving! That's a bonus. He is talking a tiny bit, so he is for sure not sleeping. I seriously can't believe how quiet he is though. It's a miracle. Oh wait, no. False alarm. Now he has come out and we are back to battle mode. Yikes. Sorry this is so negative. This is all because we had such a big weekend. I knew it would happen like this, but I just can't handle very much these days.

I actually had a dream last night that I had a good hair day and I was wearing a flattering outfit. That dream made my day. How sad is that?? You should see my hair and outfit in real life right now! Haha. Anyway, I am going to sign off. I'm just not in a good mood right now.

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