Monday, June 1, 2009

The Matrix Unloaded

Well, tonight we officially bade farewell to our beloved black Toyota Matrix. There were tears in my eyes as I watched it drive down our lane and around the corner out of sight. Mike was also exceedingly sad. It was by far the best car I have ever had, and I absolutely loved it. However, we simply could not fit three car seats safely in the back seat, and because our kids are so close together, we need three car seats and will for some time now. That is why we bought our Sienna, which is a great van, but I miss my Matrix dearly. It was black with dark tint, and I referred to it as the Batmobile, until I found out that at the time it was technically classified as a station wagon. That was a real setback for me, but then it became the Batmowagon and it was still cool. Ish. Then they reclassified it as a CUV, a compact utility vehicle, and suddenly it was cool again. We sold it to one of Mike's brothers and his wife, who just had their first baby a week ago. I am extremely happy for them, because I think it will be a fantastic vehicle for them. I am glad we sold it to someone in the family, but at the same time I think I am going to cry when I see it at family gatherings and it is not mine anymore.

Is this ridiculous? Maybe. After all, it is just a car. But seriously, it is the first car Mike and I bought together, and we bought it brand new too. Then we went on our only vacation together (we have now been married almost nine years. Yikes. That was in 2003.), and I guess there are a lot of good memories of that car. Plus it was super comfortable and fun to drive. I probably sound ungrateful because seriously, we have a Sienna now, which is a fantastic van, but it is still a van and has a totally different feel to it. Plus it is kind of a "fogie" colour. Like a sand, or even worse, "beige". It does not look cool, though it is terribly comfortable and roomy, and also feels very nice to drive. I am just not attached to it like I was to the Matrix. I just remember the first time I got in the Matrix (actually a different one, but also black and the same model) and I was shocked to find that I instantly fell in love with it. There was no looking back after that. We just had to buy it. I guess this is a rite of passage into a new phase in my life, but it kind of depresses me. Now I am no longer in that young love, free to go out when you want, phase in life. I am grateful for my kids, but once in a while I feel like this is the beginning of the end. My life is over and it is all about them now. I'm glad to pour myself into them, but once in a while I feel a little lost.

And now I'm starting all over again for the third consecutive time. I will probably have a slight crisis shortly after this baby is born. I always do. But then it goes away and I fall completely in love yet again. How does that work anyway? I'm rambling now, I guess. What I really mean is that I just don't want life to slip away on me before I know it, and right now I'm in a weird state of mind and it feels like that is exactly what is happening. Soon I'll be a soccer mom and my evenings will be consumed with chauffeuring and helping with homework and music lessons and who knows what else. I hope that somewhere in there I will still have the time and discipline to pursue my own dreams.

All of this comes out of watching the Matrix drive away tonight. It must be the hormones, I guess. I am going to sign off for now. I don't really feel like writing about the rest of my day. Maybe tomorrow. Goodnight.

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