Friday, July 31, 2009

It's 2 a.m.

I'm up feeding Micah. It hurts unbearably, and I have had only an hour of sleep so far tonight. These are the difficult times. As I knew I would, I often reflect on how much easier it was in my final days of pregnancy than it is now. And then I look at this tiny baby and cringe at the thought of something that big being inside of me again. I am also glad to be able to hold him in my arms finally, but I still expect to feel a baby kicking inside me every time I lay down. I cry a lot. I know it is my hormones, but it still feels so sad. I wish my Mom were here, but I don't know whether to ask her to come or not because she is going to come and stay with me once Mike goes back to work and I'm really needing help. I don't want her to feel like she has to come twice, but I get sad every time I think of her missing the newborn stage.

I went for a tiny walk this evening. I carried Micah to the end of the driveway and back. After that I had to sit down. My back and legs are very sore, and feel quite weak. I wonder whether I will ever be able to work out again, and whether I will ever get back in shape again. I would love to feel strong. I would love to feel normal. There is a new normal, and right now it is too foreign to feel like it is as it should be.I hope he finishes eating soon. It hurts with every swallow he takes. That's all for now, I guess. This is life with a newborn. I'm left contemplating why God didn't make it so that the hormones in the first week after birth caused a major high rather than the blues. Maybe too many people would get pregnant right away if they were too happy. Anyway, hoping to sleep again soon...longer than one hour stretches tonight, I hope. Goodnight.

5:58 a.m. I am feeding Micah again. I didn't get him settled last time until about 3:30. He woke up this time at about 5:25, so I guess so far tonight I have had about 3 hours of sleep. Sadly, Cody will probably be up before I am asleep again. A disturbing thought to be sure. It is already getting quite light outside. Micah is tired. I hope he'll settle right away after this. The real trick with him is figuring out when he is done. I don't want to be anybody's soother...especially when it hurts so bad I could be nursing a piranha. Well, I've stopped him. Here's attempt number three at sleep. Hope this one is the best yet.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

First full day at home.

Well, after our first full day home with all three boys, life is looking pretty challenging. We are very tired and I had a migraine today for the first time in a few months, so that did not help. I am very sore, mostly from feeding the little man, and still a bit weak, and feeling quite sad. I can't wait for these first couple of weeks to pass so that I can feel somewhat normal again. Micah has slept most of the day, so I am dreading the night. Last night was rough because he kept choking. He seems to have a lot of mucous and when he tries to cough it up or swallow it, he panics and ends up doing these violent burps and then throwing up. He coughed up some bloody stuff earlier this evening. Apparently they can have old blood in their stomachs that they cough up. Still, it is kind of freaky. I dread the night. This is the worst time of day. Knowing that bed time is imminent and that it will probably not consist of much sleep. I find it hard to take, both physically and emotionally. This morning Cody woke us up yelling at the top of his lungs, for no reason. Not angry or scared, just playing or something. It was absolutely obnoxious. Then he helped himself to chocolate chips in the kitchen, and fed some to the dog as well. Yes, chocolate is supposed to be toxic for dogs. Sheesh. So, I should be in bed now, but I was dumb and didn't go to bed. I was cuddling Micah for a while, but Mike has him now. He will probably eat in about 40 minutes, and then I hope that by 11 p.m. he will be satisfied to have at least one long stretch of sleep.

Nothing much to add for today. I am very overwhelmed, and Cody keeps crying and complaining that the baby is not a girl, and that we did not name him "Thonas" (his pronunciation of Thomas). So, whenever he cries about it not being a girl, it sets me off a bit too. I feel like I have disappointed my own kid, and that makes me feel bad.

Anyway, I have to go, before I upset myself. Tomorrow we take Micah to meet some of his cousins and his auntie. Not sure if his uncle is coming too or not. I hope I can handle the outing. Goodnight.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Pictures of Micah Levi








My new baby

Well, perhaps most of you know or have figured out that my baby has finally come. On Sunday evening I was called into the hospital for an induction, 12 days overdue. I was induced at 6:20 p.m. and labor started almost immediately. I won't get into all the gory details in here, but despite being my fastest it was by far my most intense labor experience and it was very difficult. Soon after contractions started they were often closer than 2 minutes apart and I did not have much of a break in between. At 11:15 p.m. my doctor returned and broke my water, an experience that was painful and traumatic enough to leave my shaking. Then the fun really began. I was only 5 cm dilated at that time, so I figured it would be a while yet. By about ten to 1 a.m. I told the nurse I really wanted to push, but when she checked me I was only 6 cm dilated so she told me to fight it. I was in agony. I had only the laughing gas to take the edge off the contractions and this time around I found that it was nowhere near sufficient. About 10 minutes later I was pushing and the nurse asked whether I was pushing and I said yes. She told me to wait and she checked me again and the baby's head was right there. She yelled, "Somebody call the doctor and get in here and help me!!!" Then all the nurses came in and I pretty much gave one big push and he was out. Yes, it's a boy. The cord was around his neck, but the nurse got it dealt with before he was totally out, and he is very healthy and adorable. He weighed 8 pounds, 9 ounces, so he was actually my smallest baby yet, at 13 days overdue. A whole pound lighter than Jamie was, exactly. His name is Micah Levi, and he's really cute and sweet. I love him with all of my heart and was thrilled as soon as he was born. At this point I'm pretty sure he will be my last, as that experience was one that I don't ever wish to repeat!

Anyway, I am quite tired so I will not linger in here today. Things are already challenging with the three boys in one house at once and both of the older two are a little bit out of sorts, which is to be expected. I will update again when I can.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Twelve.

Well, it's Sunday and I am 12 days overdue. My baby is not interested in meeting me. I think I will probably cry all day. I just asked Mike what he wanted to do today and he laughed at me and told me that all we can do today is wait around. Great. That's just what I need to help speed the time by. Very helpful. So, I can lay in my bed all day? That's what I'm going to do? The summer is half over. I have done nothing fun. My boys have done almost nothing fun. This is incredibly depressing. I don't care if other people think "it can't be much longer". It doesn't matter. Every minute of this feels like absolute agony. I just can't do this anymore. By the time this baby comes out it will be August. My sister in law, who is due 4 weeks after me, will probably have her baby before I have mine. She'll have a July baby, and I'll have an August one. I feel totally trapped in this house and I feel terribly angry now too. I had a dream last night that was work-related, but by the end of the dream I was so furious that I took a pitcher full of ice water and smashed it violently on the floor. I think that is indicative of my intense desire for my water to break. Seriously. I'm no Freud fan, but I really believe that is why I dreamed that. I bet I'll have to go to my doctor's appointment on Tuesday, at 14 days overdue. If I do, I really will cry through the whole appointment. This really sucks. I don't have much else to say at this point. I am not happy and whatever comes out right now will be very negative.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Is this really happening??

I am eleven days overdue. I am not in labor. I am barely even having any contractions today. It is almost August. I am starting to get discouraged once again. I cannot believe this is happening, or not happening...depending on how you look at it. I can't concentrate on anything. I'm trying to get my homework done because it is due on Saturday (next week) and at the rate I am going, I may be in the hospital at that point. But I can't seem to focus enough to get it done. I am not as sick to my stomach today, so that is at least positive. I am having a contraction right now, but it doesn't mean anything. None of it means anything. This is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe how frustrating this is.

I went and got my hair done this morning at my sister-in-law's, so that was nice. Unfortunately, I killed a prairie chicken on the way there. Poor thing went bouncing off my bumper into the ditch like a feathery football. I felt terrible, but I was doing 80 km/hr on the gravel, and even though I saw it coming I didn't think swerving or slamming on the breaks was the best idea. I thought of stopping after, but I knew that if it was still alive and suffering I would not have the stomach to do anything about it.

A few minutes ago Cody was on my bed looking at a magazine and he saw an ad for a restaurant, that had a bottle of Coke in the picture. He asked if it was Pepsi and I said no, it was Coke, or Coca-Cola. He asked me how come it is called Coca Cola. I told him that's just what it's called, just like Pepsi is Pepsi Cola. He said, "Do I like Pepsi Cola?" I said yes and he said, "Does it give me a buzz?" I laughed. Where does he come up with these things??

Anyway, looks like I better go. Jamie just got up and Cody is kind of out of sorts. He just hit his head on something and he is reacting overly emotionally. He is very tired today, after his many misadventures at 6:30 a.m. today. I don't have much else to say anyway, because I will just come back to the same things again. I don't want to do anything now except for have this baby, and something tells me it could be several days yet before that happens. I am still in disbelief about this entire situation. I guess that's it for now.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Ten days and counting.

I'm home and I'm not in labor yet. Ten days overdue. This is hard to swallow. I do feel sick and crampy, but so what? I don't even really have anything I can time, like real contractions. Now and again I have them, but not enough to warrant timing them. I have been bouncing on the exercise ball, and it seems to make me have contractions now and again, but I'm not sure whether that really matters or not. The idea is for the contractions to come on their own. So, I am off the ball for a bit now to do a post in here. After that, I'm not sure what we will do today.

Sitting on the ball in the living room, I was watching Cody and I noticed that his leg looked smudged and dirty. He was still in his pajamas (which were two piece with shorts and a t-shirt, Lightning McQueen, of course), and I asked whether he had been outside. He had not. So I asked Mike what was all over Cody's leg. Mike did not know. I asked Cody and he said he was making a ponytail. I was confused, trying to picture him with one of my tiny "ouchless" black elastics, wondering how he could have smudged his leg with it. So I asked him what he meant. He said, "I was making a ponytail. With your purple thing. I'll show you." And he ran off to the kitchen. Okay, I was still confused, but I have this purple jaw clip that I got from my sister-in-law who is a hair dresser, and I use it to hold part of my hair up while I straighten or curl the other part. So, I still wondered how he could have smudged dirt on himself with that, but I waited patiently, still bouncing on the ball, for him to bring it to me and show me what he had done. I looked at Mike and commented with admiration on how Cody knows exactly what he is talking about and what a great communicator he is.

Then Cody returned to the living room, but he was not carrying my purple jaw clip. Instead, he was carrying my pink Mary Kay compact and I gasped. He brought it to me and I opened it. Sure enough, my make-up was quite mashed and there was colored powdery stuff all over the place. I could not believe it. It was all over my purse too, and the kitchen table. I was a bit upset, and told him never to touch it again, but I thought it was kind of funny too. I don't wear makeup very often, and it is still usable, but I was still disturbed to have it desecrated like that! Leave it to a boy to get into makeup and choose the brown stuff, smearing it on your body like dirt. Haha. Maybe I don't need a girl around here after all.

Anyway, looks like I'll be spending another day waiting and wondering.

Now we're going to the hospital for a non-stress test. Hm. I wonder whether that's in reference to the baby's stress, or my own! Doubt there will be an update later.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Still not in labor, and almost 10 days over...

Okay, I know I have not written in here all day, but it was a busy one. I am NOT in labor, or close to it, as far as I can tell. I did see the doctor today, and he did confirm that my baby is over 9 pounds already. I pretty much knew that, but it still didn't feel any better to hear it. I borrowed an exercise ball from my sister, and I have been bouncing on it this evening. That is supposed to help in a number of ways, including bringing the baby down. So, I guess we'll see. It actually takes very little effort and feels pretty good, so I will get back on the ball as soon as I am done this. I think I'll play some Wii and see if I am coordinated enough to bounce on the ball at the same time. I would like to go into labor by early tomorrow morning, but in all honesty I don't really think that is going to happen. We will see.

The good news is, even though I am a bit upset about being this overdue, particularly with my third baby, I am not in the depths of despair like I was yesterday. I am still tired of being pregnant, and I am still somewhat impatient, but I feel much more at peace with things, and that is helping me quite a bit.

So, I know this is a tad bit undetailed and even vague, but I don't feel like sharing all the details of my appointment today. Let's just say that my doctor was somewhat surprised that I hadn't had the baby yet and that he hopes I have it before my next appointment, which is on Tuesday. I will be 14 days overdue by then. So, I will do as much time on the ball tonight as I can, and then get a good sleep. Beyond that, only God knows at this point. I think that's all for now. I may be back in here tomorrow, unless I am in the hospital! Here's hoping...I think.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I should have known.

Well, I guess I should have known that last night would lead to absolutely nothing. This morning I feel sick to my stomach and have cramps, but no contractions. I guess I am now exactly where I was a week ago...two weeks ago...etc. I slept all night, so that's great, but I think I would have rather been woken up by bad contractions and ended up in the hospital. What is going on here? I am 8 days overdue. This is my THIRD baby. What the heck?????? I don't even think I have anything else to say in here right now. I need to get away from here, but I have nowhere to go. Maybe I'll go get the mail today. Yeah, that would be a thrilling outing.

Mike is making me an omelet right now. He says I need to get my strength up. I asked him what for? All I do is sleep and sit around. I don't appear to need strength for anything. I am having a contraction now, but who cares? It doesn't mean anything. I am going to have to change my prediction to more than 10 pounds now. I have to go eat my breakfast.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

That's more like it!

Well, I don't want to be overly optimistic here, but it is after midnight which makes me officially eight days overdue. The only difference between tonight and last night is that I have been having a lot of contractions this evening, and they have been quite consistent. So, I am now wondering whether we are finally on to something. Perhaps a middle-of-the-night trip to labor and delivery may be in order, but then again, maybe not. It is impossible to say this early. I would say this is definitely pre-labor, but how long it will last is anybody's guess. It could go on for days, or I could have this baby before the sun comes up in the morning. Wow. What a thought.

Baby scared me a bit this evening, when I realized I hadn't felt him/her move for a long time. I had to drink some iced tea and lay down on my left side for a while, and finally I got a good swift kick. Now the baby is wide awake, probably thanks to the caffeine in the iced tea. Hm. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, but I was really worried so I had to check on him/her.

Anyway, time to settle down and try to get some sleep, just in case this is going to be the day. Wow. Wouldn't that be amazing?! This gives me hope. I'm going to cry if I wake up in the morning with no contractions. Goodnight.

Fun date, but still pregnant.

Day seven. Baby is officially the latest one I have ever had. I have a stomach ache this morning, as I do every day the last week or two, but no contractions. I must admit, my hopes were up when I woke up at 2:34a.m. and had a strong, albeit painless, contraction. Then, eight minutes later another, and seven minutes after that, another. I knew I was not in labor, but thought maybe I was gearing up for something. I went back to sleep and woke up to...NOTHING. Yep. Nothing. So, not even my attempt at recreating my circumstances of Cody's labor did anything for me.

The movie was fun, and pretty cool in 3D. The baby beat the living daylights out of my bladder the whole time, but I managed to make it through the whole movie without a bathroom break, so I was pretty proud of that. We took all of our hospital bags and other stuff with us, so it felt like we were packing for the real thing. Now we are back home with our stuff and no baby. Well, I guess the baby is technically here, but not in the way that we were hoping. At this rate, it looks like my prediction was wrong too. Doesn't seem like the baby is coming today either. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and if I have to go and I am still pregnant, I am probably going to lose it on my doctor. I am thinking I will also refuse to take a urine sample in for the nurses. They don't like that, but come on. Nine days overdue, what does it matter what the heck is in my pee? I might even refuse to get weighed while I'm at it. I mean, obviously I am at the end of the line here. Why don't they just send me for an ultrasound to make sure this baby is okay in there? Either my baby is truly relaxed and having a great time, or he/she does not want to come out into this scary world. I hope it's the former and not the latter. What the heck am I going to do today to distract myself from the moving mountain that is my belly? I truly have no idea. What I should do is some homework, but my brain is so distracted that I don't know whether I could focus on it. I think I will try regardless. It is due on August 1st, so if this baby continues to be super late and I don't do the homework ahead of time, I will end up missing my deadline, and I don't want to do that.

I had a dream last night that my sister decided that her and her husband and Mike and I should go in our van to Winnipeg to play cards with my Grandma for an hour and then head back. This plan included getting some kind of yummy meal for her too. (My sister, not my Grandma.) I was not really enthused about the idea because it seemed like a long way to go for a game of cards, but I told her I'd talk to Mike and we'd get back to her. To my shock, Mike told me he absolutely agreed that we should go. I protested, reminding him that I was six days overdue and did not want to have my baby in Winnipeg. He then told me that he didn't care whether I came or not but that he would be going because family gatherings are important. I was so mad. How could he go almost three hours away when I am this overdue?? Ironically, in real life he would probably be perfectly safe to do so, but he never would. What a dumb dream.

Anyway, not much else to report this morning. Cody is grouchy again. If only he could sleep later than 6:30a.m. Maybe that would help. The boys are all in the kitchen right now eating. I did not feel like joining them. Maybe we'll all go somewhere today, but I don't know where. I'm signing off for now. I'll update if there is anything new that is worth reporting.

Monday, July 20, 2009

UPDATE

Okay, so it is still the 20th and I am still not in labor. However, I just had to put this update in here. When I was pregnant with Cody, I went into labor on Friday afternoon. I was in town with Mike doing errands, and we decided not to go home, just in case. We went to Mike's brother's apartment and I went to my sister-in-law's salon where she was working and she cut and colored my hair, while we timed contractions. When we were done, we went and ate at her place (where Mike already was with his brother) and then we went to a late movie: Ice Age 2. Well, let me tell you, I have always considered that movie to have been a waste of my money for three reasons. 1. It was not a very good movie. 2. We sat in the front row and got kinks in our necks the whole time. And 3. I was in labor and in terrible pain through most of the movie. Being that it was my first baby, I had no idea when to go to the hospital. After the movie, we finally went to the hospital at about 12:30 a.m. Well, I won't tell you the entire story. Suffice it to say, they told me that I was not in labor and sent me home. Oh, but they waited until 9:30 a.m. to check me. So, we were there and awake all night, and wouldn't you know it, I WAS in labor. Anyway, Cody came along approximately 24 hours AFTER the movie ended.

Why am I sharing this? Well, because Mike's parents have kindly volunteered to come over this evening and stay with our boys so that we can go and see a movie. Guess what movie we are going to? Ice Age 3. Yep. That's right. So, even though this is ridiculous, in a way I am hoping for a repeat of what happened the last time we saw an Ice Age movie in the theater. I'm not anticipating that the movie will be that good. It is in 3D, so that makes it kind of fun. But, it is all about the experience. We get to get out of the house and do something fun so that I don't have to think about labor anymore. If I go into labor and we miss the movie, or we are distracted because of it, SO WHAT! And, if I don't go into labor, we get a nice distraction from the waiting game, and an actual date. A very rare occurrence for us. Our last date was in March, and that is actually pretty good for us to have another one so soon. I am guessing that once this baby comes, the next date will likely be close to a year away, or maybe more.

So, that's my fun little update for you. Maybe we'll have a similar experience to last time (excluding the over 24 hour labor, hopefully) or maybe not. But it's worth a shot, right?! I will likely be posting in here tomorrow morning about how uneventful our evening was, but I'm taking my hospital bags along just in case. Bye for now.

Day six and counting.

I guess this baby is going to take after Mike's side of the family. (Everyone knows they have a reputation for being late for things!) Looks like this one will be my latest yet. Jamie was six days overdue, but by this time of the day on my sixth day over I was in serious labor already. Not so today. Nope. Nothing. I'm pretty sure I did a post in here a while ago about my freak-out when my doctor told me that my baby is big. (That was a few weeks after he told me it was small.) At the time, my heart sank because that meant to me that this baby would be just like the other two: big, and overdue. So, I theorized that if Cody was 5 days late and Jamie was 6 days late, this baby would be 7 days late and therefore arrive on July 21st. That would be tomorrow. Everyone doubted me at the time, but now I find myself doubting that this baby will even make it here by then. I also figured that if each baby gets progressively bigger than the last, and Cody was 9 lbs, 2 oz, and Jamie was 9 lbs, 9.6 oz, then this one should weigh in at about 10 lbs even. Great. That should be fun. Oh, and my other prediction, as I have said all along, is that this one is a boy. I have gone back and forth and doubted that at times, but now that it is this late and following the exact same pattern as the last two, I have little doubt left. So, looks like I am in for even more testosterone in this household. Here's hoping I can survive that too!

I think we're going to go out this afternoon, just to get out of the house. Mike is stir-crazy. I think it's kind of funny. He is like Mr. Mom these days, and by the end of the day he just wants to get out of the house and do something. Jamie is napping right now, and Cody is eating lunch. When Jamie gets up, we will probably head into town. I'm not sure whether it is a good plan for me or not. On the one hand, it would be good to have a distraction, but on the other hand, I'm not exactly nimble and quick these days. Not sure that I feel like trekking around the grocery store, or anywhere else for that matter. It is also hot out. Well, okay, for those of you who love the heat and are disappointed so far with our less than balmy July, you may not find it hot today. I, on the other hand, was very disappointed when I looked at the forecast this morning and saw that they changed it from rainy to sunny and that there is no longer a day in the near future that is supposed to be lower than 24 degrees. Thank goodness our air conditioning is holding out these days.

Anyway, I think that's it for now. There is nothing in my life to update other than pregnancy issues, so being that I have NO news, there is not much else to say. I am on the very brink of giving up on ever getting this baby out. I would like to go shopping for something therapeutic today, but I can't think of anything that we could actually afford. I wish that I had an in ground pool. I would love to just float all day. I guess I can dream about floating and hope that one day I will actually be able to afford a pool. Okay, enough of this. I'm signing off for now.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Grrr.

Today I can hardly walk, but I am still not in labor. Everything hurts, it seems. When is this ever going to end??? I am 5 days overdue. That is how late Cody was. Jamie was 6. Is this baby really going to go longer than that? I am starting to wonder whether I am even going to be able to give birth to this baby. It gets bigger every day, and it could already be 10 pounds, for all I know. I am going to lay down in my bed for a while, even though all I have done today so far is eat breakfast. I feel like I can barely even walk to the bathroom, everything hurts so much. This is not fun. I am not in a good mood today. Maybe I'll edit this later with an update, but somehow I doubt there will be an update to give. I know this sounds negative. I just don't know how I am supposed to function like this. Please tell me the end is near.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sigh.

Saturday, July 18th, 2009. Four days overdue. No signs of impending labour. No inkling that this baby has any desire to come out at all. Just the same kicking of my bladder, stretching so that I feel like a scene out of alien, and pushing up into my rib cage so that I feel like hurling. Let's not forget that this baby is getting bigger every day, and the longer I remain pregnant, the more time I have to contemplate the wonderful details of this upcoming birth.

Fortunately, I have had lots of help this week from Mike, who has done tons of cleaning, cooking, and looking after boys so that I can rest and sleep and just generally hide in my room. I have been hiding quite a bit, actually. I think Cody is starting to stress a little, though I know it is not a conscious thing. He probably wonders deep down why his mommy is constantly in her room with the door closed, and always laying down or not feeling well. Feels like this will not end this weekend. How can this be??? My stomach is sick again today, but I don't think it means anything. Blech. This truly is a long and drawn out process.

I have nothing else to report at this point in time. I wish that I did, but so far, nothing. I guess I'll sign off for now. Desperately hoping that I'll have news soon.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Seriously?

Well, I saw a doctor today. Not my normal doctor, because he is away, but the guy that is supposed to take care of my while my doctor is gone. My appointment was not exactly encouraging. I mean, I was not expecting him to send me to the hospital to deliver my baby or anything, but what he did say was that the baby's head is nowhere near "engaged". No kidding? Well, I guess that explains my incessant urge to throw up. The baby is riding around in my rib cage instead of my pelvis. This did not come as any shock to me, but then he said that my doctor would be back on time to deliver the baby. I asked when he would be back and he said next week. So. I am already a day overdue and you are telling me I'll easily go another week??? I asked him if it was really that uncommon when it is not a first baby for the baby to not move down until the mom is in labour. He said that no, it is not uncommon. Then he told me to book in with my doctor in a week. Great. Thanks. I almost cried. My babies are always due around Mike's holidays and they never come at the beginning. They always come at the end. This one will not be at the end, or I'd be a month and a half overdue, but we are still missing out on half of Mike's holidays. I'm feeling really sick to my stomach today too, as of about 5 a.m., and I was hoping that was a sign of something, or would even trigger labour, but of course, no. I know, I know. I'm only one day overdue. "That's not bad." Not so. Every day overdue is indeed "that bad". This is something that you don't learn until you have been pregnant and overdue. I used to think three or four days overdue was not that bad either. But when you can't do anything and you feel sick and you are forced to just sit or lay and think about the fact that you are not in labour, feeling exceedingly disappointed every morning when you don't wake up in terrible pain, every day is an exercise in torture.

I think I'll go lay in my bed and cry. I have no patience to be around my boys right now anyway. My baby is having a good time in there, I guess. Either that or he/she is afraid to come out because I am too stressed out or something. I don't know. I'm just worn out. And irritated. I could do a huge venting session in here, but I don't dare. I think I really better go lay down for a while. Sounds like we're having some company in a little while, so it would be good if I had some rest first, lest I be too grouchy.

Speaking of grouchy, Jamie is having a tantrum directed at me right now for no reason. Seriously, for no reason. I think it's funny. I'm off to my room for some alone time. Maybe one day I'll have something new and fresh to write in here. Or maybe I'll be pregnant forever. Hard to say at this point.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

D-Day?

Well, today is my due date. Do I feel any closer to delivery than I did a week ago? If anything, I almost feel further from it. I don't hold out any hope of going into labour today because almost nobody has their baby on their due date. Okay, I know some people do, but it is not common, so I am not expecting it. That means that I am almost officially on my way to being overdue yet again. It seems to me that I had another baby boy dream last night, but now I can't remember it. If only I were completely settled on a boy name and totally in love with it. That would make this much easier. I just feel unprepared for a third boy, even though I am sure that is what we are having.

Cody is in his room right now. He is very grouchy today after getting up at 6 a.m. We had a very loud crash of thunder here this morning. It shook the house more than once, and I was concerned that the boys would get scared. Instead, I heard them laughing in their room. Cody exclaimed, "I like rain and thunder!" Well, that's good! Unfortunately, they did not go back to sleep. Cody is highly unpleasant today as a result. So far, Jamie is fine, but he will probably go for a nap in a bit. He just finished a nice snack.

It is a rainy and gloomy day here today. I'm not sure what we will be doing. Probably nothing, I guess, but I will have to find something to distract me from my "pregnantness". Maybe Jamie will be distraction enough. He is a maniac these days. His latest trick is to go into the baby room (formerly his room) when nobody else is around and climb to the top of the change table. Then he stands on it. Okay, that's a bit scary. So now we have to keep that room closed, even though that is currently where Cody's Geo-Trax are. Jamie loves to get a rise out of me by doing something scary when I'm watching and then grinning at me to let me know that it's all a part of his little plan. This kid is going to be trouble! It's so hard to discipline him too, because he is so cute and so stinkin' funny that it's almost impossible not to laugh when we are trying to rebuke him. I hope this next baby is angelic and easy to deal with!!! Well, I always hope that.

I had high hopes to go to the dump today, to get rid of some more garbage. It helps to keep things less cluttered around here. Maybe I'll enlist Mike to help me do some more cleaning today. He is very "anti-dump" today, because it is "humid" outside. Hm. Okay. I guess he is concerned about wet garbage in the mini-van. I personally would just put it into a fresh garbage bag from in the house and load it up, but I guess that's just me and my non dump-skills.

I better go. Jamie is throwing himself around on the couch, and Cody is emerging back into the day with the rest of us. So far it is not a smooth transition. I'm going to go. I hope that some day I will have baby news. I hope that my original prediction of July 21st was wrong. I asked Cody yesterday what day he thought the baby would come. He told me Saturday. I asked him what the baby will weigh and he said "One, two, three and half". Hm. Smaller than my doctor's prediction, but who knows?? Then I asked him how many hours I would be in labour. He said, "Three." That sounds nice. I'll take that.

Meanwhile, I guess it is time to clean some more. How exciting.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another dream but still no baby.

Three nights in a row now I have dreamed that I had a baby boy. Last night I couldn't remember what I had named him, and I was distressed because I wanted to change his diaper, but nobody would help me get to him. He was wearing the cute fitted hemp diaper that I bought, but no cover. I was distressed about this, but he seemed fine. He had lots of dark hair. The birth was easy, but the nurses were rude to me. I was in the hospital for less than a day, and I forgot to call anyone to tell them that I had had a baby. I realized that when I was on the phone later with my sister Andrea and I asked her, "Oh, did I tell you that I had the baby?" Turns out I hadn't. Nor had I told anyone else.

I woke up very much not in labour, which frustrated me, but between 7 and 8 a.m. I was having contractions that were fairly strong but not painful. Not the real thing, in other words. Now I just feel depressed. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. My parents leave town today, so it feels like it's now or never. That is not true, of course, but why can't I just meet my baby already? I really feel depressed that I am not in labour. It feels like it will never happen. I'm just discouraged. I'm sure the timing will work out perfectly because I have asked God to be in charge of that. I guess I don't have much faith, eh? I tell God that I want his timing, but then I freak out when it does not work out exactly the way I think would be best. I am just discouraged, I guess. My Mom just called me to see what is going on, and whether they should stay another night or not. I had no idea what to tell her. I guess I should just pray that if I'm going to go into labour today at all that it will be sooner rather than later so that I will know what to tell my parents.

Anyway, another post that just says the same things over and over again. I better sign off now. Just had to vent this out.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Please come tomorrow!

Okay, I really think this baby needs to get out of here. My nerves are shot. I am so annoyed by everything right now that I was in tears at the supper table because of all of Cody's annoying noises and tics and extreme slowness in eating his meal. I slept for a good chunk of the afternoon today, but apparently it did nothing to make me less frazzled. A little less tired, maybe. So, tonight I am going to have a good sleep, and tomorrow morning I am going to be in labour. That is the official word. This baby needs to come out. I am enjoying being pregnant, really I am. But I am just...I don't know. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I mean, right now I am so exhausted that I can hardly stand the thought of waiting much longer for this baby. But in reality, I will probably be way more exhausted once the baby is born. Still, I have decided that tomorrow is officially the best day to have the baby. Late afternoon would be good. I don't really want to have it on Monday because it is the 13th. Okay, I am not superstitious. It is not the number 13 itself. It's the combination. July 13th. I don't know, it just doesn't thrill me. The 12th or the 14th are okay. But let's face it, the 14th is my due date, and nobody has their baby on their due date. So, the 12th it is. That is tomorrow. Welcome, baby! Please come.

Last night I had another baby boy dream. Yep. Two nights in a row now. Last night I had a c-section without even knowing it. I thought I had pushed the baby out and even commented on how easy it was. Then I found out I actually had a c-section. Weird. Anyway, it was a boy and we named him Jaylen. Okay. No, not Jayden, the ever popular name rhyming with all of the other popular boy names right now...Aiden, Braden, Caden, Hayden...etc. This was Jaylen. Well, I've never heard of that name before, but even if I have a boy I will not name him that. I already have a Jamie, plus everyone would probably think I just misspelled Jayden. Anyway, funny that I would have another boy dream. Betcha tonight I do it again. If I sleep. Maybe I'll have contractions all night. Hard to say. Doubt it.

The unfortunate thing is that I am so out of touch with reality that I really believe I am going to have this baby tomorrow, because I want to so badly. Not that I am looking forward to the labour and delivery part. That actually scares the crap out of me. However, it is obviously necessary in order to be able to meet my baby. Then I can find out for once and for all if it is a boy or a girl and I can name him or her and really begin to bond. The funny thing is, just a couple of weeks ago I was positive that I would be a week overdue. Now the thought of that nearly sends me into despair. Well, everything feels pretty exaggerated right now, so I might be slightly overreacting. But, Mike's holidays are ticking away. Every day that we don't have the baby is another day lost to him, in a sense, and another day that I don't have him here to help me. I don't know. This is just the rant of a very pregnant woman who can't imagine this lasting much longer, even though I don't even know exactly what the problem is. I think it is just the suspense and the desire to meet my baby face to face finally. I don't know. It is also the stress of trying to figure out who to call and what to do when the baby comes. Tomorrow is ideal because my parents are already here.

Okay, I'm just going in circles here. I better sign off, I guess.

Friday, July 10, 2009

A night out, and still no baby

Well, I had a night out with the girls last night. I was very tired all day, to my disappointment. I was hoping to do a ton of cleaning yesterday. Mike finished his homework all on Wednesday night, in somewhat of a panic after I started having contractions that kind of hurt. However, they did not go anywhere in the end. Hm. So, Mike and I were both done our homework and I figured it was a great opportunity to do some more organizing around this house and getting ready for this baby. Instead, I spent the last half of the morning trying to nap, and the entire afternoon sleeping soundly. It was nice, actually.

Then in the evening I met the girls at the movie theater in town and we saw "The Proposal". It was pretty funny, albeit a little bit graphic in parts. I had contractions throughout the movie, but nothing like what I was kind of hoping for. Sure enough, once the movie was over, my contractions pretty much were too. We went out of appetizers and dessert after that, which was also nice. I told the girls about how I had prayed that God would give me dreams about baby boys so that I could get pumped about having another boy, but then I only had two and they were both bad dreams. That was a couple of months ago and I have not had one since. Then last night I dreamed that I was changing my baby, even though at some level I knew it had not been born yet. I was staring at the "parts" and asked someone for a second opinion on whether it was a boy or a girl. I don't remember who I asked, but I knew that she thought I was having a girl. But sure enough, she confirmed what my eyes were already seeing. It was a boy, and there was not even any question about it! In my dream I was aware that the only reason I would even ask for a second opinion was pure denial. So. Confirmation? Or just my brain speculating? I guess I will not know until this baby comes out, which seems altogether too far in the future right now.

Actually, I have decided that the ideal date for the baby to come is now this Sunday, the 12th. My parents will already be in town, plus my in-laws will all get home that day after the wedding they are going to in Saskatoon. If I have the baby today or tomorrow, there will be almost nobody here to come and see us in the hospital. Not that I want to be overwhelmed with visitors or anything, but I do like to have my family and Mike's family meet the baby in the hospital. It somehow is different than coming to our house after the fact. Anyway, I guess God has some kind of a plan, but I don't know what it is.

I have to say that I feel like I am at the lake right now. It is absolutely gorgeous outside. My windows are open as they have been all night, and there is the most refreshing cool wind blowing in here. It is only 14 degrees out right now, but to me that is heavenly! It is only supposed to go up to 18 today. We'll see if that really ends up being the case. I sincerely hope so. This has been the best summer I could have asked for to be 9 months pregnant. I can't believe how cool it has been, especially at night.

Anyway, I guess it is time to sign off for now. Mike is making breakfast in the other room (we're running a little late this morning) and I am very hungry. He has been timing my contractions this morning, which I find funny. They are only Braxton Hicks, they are not the real thing. I am still hoping my water will break on its own when I am truly in labour so that we know without a doubt what is happening. Here's hoping for Sunday. That is my next impossible goal!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

MORE doctor dilemmas??

I had my appointment today. I was not looking forward to it, as the whole weekly appointments thing is getting old. It went all right, for the most part. My doctor confirmed again that the baby is big, but he didn't seem to be terribly concerned about it. He also reiterated that the baby's head is not "engaged" (baby hasn't dropped yet) which I knew because I still have pressure in my esophagus at times. He said that could mean that I will go overdue. No kidding. Hm. But at the end of my appointment he said that he is going away so next time I have to see a different doctor. Oh boy. Here we go again. Does this happen every time, or is it just me??? I asked him when exactly he is leaving. He said Friday morning. Well, Friday afternoon, I guess. So if I don't have this baby by Friday morning, I will have a different doctor, unless baby waits until after the 20th, or somewhere around there. I can't remember now. I was kind of upset, just because I hate the whole lack of stability issue, but odds are very high that I will deliver while he is gone. I had to remind myself that I have been very nervous about this delivery and I have prayed more than once that God would put the right doctor there and nurses too, for my delivery. Maybe my doctor is not supposed to be there for some reason. The new doctor is a man, and someone I have never heard of before. I looked him up on ratemds.com and he only had one negative rating out of 13. The rest were pretty much perfect ratings, so hopefully he is good. I met him today. My doctor introduced me to him. I don't know, I just keep sighing and telling myself that this will all be over soon. If the boys' doctor was not gone, I would have requested him. He delivered Jamie and he is an excellent doctor.

Anyway, I am home now. I went and did some errands after my appointment, so I did not get home until almost 2:30 p.m., but that's okay. I got some new pillows and some new bed sheets, and I'm excited to try both out. They are being laundered right now. Not the pillows! There was a sale on in the quilt store in the mall.

Mike is outside right now with both boys. He got a lot of homework done today, but still has more to do. He is hopeful to finish it all today. I sure hope he does, because I want to feel free to go into labour at any time! Not that I could stop it if it happened, but I don't want to have to stress about his homework while I'm in labour and in the hospital afterwards. I don't even like that I have to stress about it right now. I really should get mine done too. It is due one week from today. I am halfway done already, so maybe that's what I'll do tonight. Then tomorrow maybe Mike and I can both focus once again on doing some organizing in this place so that I feel ready for this baby once again.

I guess I should go. It is almost supper time and the boys just came in so I should find out what's going on. Oh, Mike came in alone, so he is rushing back out to check on the boys. Cody is fine outside without supervision, but not Jamie. I hope it rains tonight. It is cloudy and windy, and I am craving a thunderstorm. Nothing dangerous, just loud and dark. Maybe it will happen at bed time when I am laying my head down on my luxurious new pillow and reveling in the feeling of my new bed sheets! Watch, my water will break and wreck them the first week I have them! Haha. Oh well. I better stop babbling in here before this gets even more ridiculous.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

One Track Mind

So, today was the day of the full moon, according to the internet. Yes, it was to be on July 7th, so even though it is silly, I was kind of hoping that something might happen tonight. Labour, I mean. But, this morning I found out that July 7th was indeed the full moon...at 3 a.m. this morning. Yep. It has already happened, and I am most certainly not in labour. Looks like all of the July dates that I picked for myself have now come and gone, and still I have not met my baby face to face. I should have known better than to pick three dates that were all prior to my due date.

Tomorrow I have to go to the doctor yet again for another irritating appointment. Okay, that's just my hormones talking, I guess. My doctor is very punctual, and my appointments are usually quick and painless, but I still have to drive a long way to get there and back, and previously I also had to worry about child care arrangements every time as well. Tomorrow will be different because Mike is home. If Cody's glasses are in, we'll have to all go in because I am not up for a trip in with him by myself again this week. He wasn't too bad last week, but when I took him out of the optician's store, he collapsed on my on the sidewalk and I had to do the old "one-arm-drag", which is highly embarrassing when you are out downtown, even if it's only downtown Brandon. I was quite angry, but I did manage to get him to the van, though it is not easy dragging a 42 1/2 pound three year old and I had to keep a death grip on his hand in case he decided to bolt, as there was a ton of traffic. So, if his glasses are in and he needs them fitted, I will be dragging ALL of my boys with me to town. That could be a long day.

I don't have all that much to report in here...unfortunately. All I can think about these days is childbirth, a topic that is normally taboo in my mind. Well, it used to be anyway, before it kept happening to me over and over again. The other day I was out and Cody and Jamie got to jump in one of those inflatable enclosed bouncy things like they have at amusement parks. My sister-in-law laughed at me because every time Jamie would squeeze out of the opening I told her that it kept making me think of child birth. Then he came out backwards, so I thought of it as breech. Later we were at a marshmallow roast, and the fire was in a big, round metal pit. Everyone there was singing "I fell into a burning ring of fire", and I was off again. Yep. Everything reminds me of childbirth. Tonight, Mike is working on his homework and was stuck on one assignment. He told me at one point that he thought he was over the hump now and that things would get easier. I looked down at my belly and said, "I wish I could get over my hump." Hehe. Oh well. Yes, I suppose it is ridiculous, but I can't help it. It's hard not to think about it when everything I do is hindered by my awkwardness or my extreme over-dependence on the proximity of a bathroom. Still, I will miss this, when my baby is out. There is nothing quite like the feeling of the baby kicking and moving inside of me. Last night I could feel a tiny foot. I was so thrilled. I can't always tell what parts I am feeling, but that time there was little doubt that it was indeed a foot. Mike felt it too and agreed.

Anyway, as I said, this is all pretty much the same theme over and over again. I will probably write in here every day, and every day it will say the same thing. I am not in labour. Mike says the 9th. My Mom says the 10th. I guess I am back to guessing the 21st. How depressing. I don't know whether I'll be able to handle waiting that long. I guess it will give me a chance to clean my house again. It is getting messy in here again, and it is frustrating. So, I am going to sign off for now, and possibly play a little "Big Brain Academy" on the Wii. Yes, a terrible idea to play a brain game when I am pregnant, but maybe it will help. I will likely be back tomorrow with the same report as always. Maybe my doctor will say something different this time. Something other than telling me that my baby is huge. Here's hoping. Goodnight.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Doctor dilemmas.

Yesterday was better. But as soon as I started this entry, all you-know-what broke loose. Okay, daddy has taken over now, so I have at least a few minutes peace. I kind of wish my bedroom was soundproof so I wouldn't have to hear the crying and whining outbursts in the other room, but I guess you can't have it all, right? Maybe I should put on ear phones and listen to my itunes.

I am suddenly exhausted and wondering why I am even bothering to post in here at all. I am not really excited about my day, as I was supposed to have the morning to myself to work on my homework, but it has not totally worked out that way. I have accomplished nothing so far. This afternoon, Mike is having three hours to himself for his own homework, so I will be on my own with Cody. Jamie will hopefully sleep for most of that. I'm not sure what is happening this evening.

I called the doctor's office this morning to try to book an appointment for Jamie because he is now 18 months old and is due for needles and a check-up. Way back a while ago, I knew he would be due for this in early July, and vaguely registered that it was going to be awkward to time an appointment for him when I would either be at the doctor's myself or I would have a newborn. At any rate, I did not book an appointment because they will not let you book that far in advance at my clinic. I confess, it kind of slipped my mind until a couple of days ago. I then determined that this morning I would call and book something as soon as possible, hopefully before I have this baby. So I called, and to my shock and extreme disappointment, Jamie's doctor, who is also Mike's and Cody's doctor, has left the clinic. I asked where he left to, and the answer was Ontario. Oh. Okay. I told the receptionist that I was completely unaware of this, and she told me that it was in the paper. Okay...Well, I live in the boonies and I don't get the paper, which I told her. So, I asked her what was happening to his patients and she said they were mostly being referred to a new doctor at the clinic. I asked her about the doctor that I have been seeing for this pregnancy and she told me that he is also taking new patients, only I am not sure that I want him to be my boys' doctor. So, I said I'd try him. She put me through to his receptionist on the other floor, and I found out that he is booked solid until July 23rd. Well, God-willing, I will have a new baby by then, and don't really want to take Jamie in at that time. I don't really want to make an appointment either. So, I talked to Mike who confirmed that he does not want that doctor to be his doctor. So I phoned back to make an appointment with the new guy. Well, he's on holidays. Almost everyone is on holidays, I'm told by the same receptionist that I spoke to earlier. (I recognize her voice, and I really like her, but seriously, today she is snarky and I am really annoyed by her!) She said that only walk-in is available this week. I asked her if they do needles on walk-in and she said no. So why did she tell me about walk-in then?? Anyway, I told her that I'm due to have a baby next week and I don't want to make an appointment for then. I asked her if it is a big deal if he gets these needles late. She then tells me that most people book these appointments in advance and then they don't run into these situations. Now I am angry. I told her that I have had a lot on my mine, being 9 months pregnant and I simply forgot until now. She then suggested the public health nurse, and I said I would try that. I am really upset about this whole thing, even though it may not seem like a big deal. I called public health and no one was there, as usual. I left a message for the nurse to call me back tomorrow when she is working. I hope I can get in there. I have a feeling I'm going to have trouble with them too, but I'll see what happens tomorrow. I'm really ticked off about this whole thing. I can't believe the receptionist made it seem like I'm an idiot or something because I did not book way in advance. They don't take appointments months in advance. Besides, would it be so difficult for them to send a notice in the mail to his patients that he is leaving the clinic?? Why would you rely on the newspaper to get that information out? I'm sure he has patients from out of town further than we are. My pregnancy hormones are not reacting well to this entire string of phone calls.

So, that is my vent, and on a different note, I am still very much not in labour. Not that I expected to be today, but last night I was up at 4 a.m. with bad cramps again and lay awake for over half an hour before I could fall asleep again. Even still, no action or any sign of labour whatsoever. So today I am tired and now I am angry at that receptionist and I'm upset that the boys have to get a new doctor. Theirs was really good. I'm telling you, this always happens at my clinic. I had one doctor there, who left after I had Cody. Then I had one that I loved, and she is now gone due to illness. Now I have her husband, but I'm not really sure that I'm wanting him for my doctor. I just don't know what to do. There are few things in this life that stress me out as much as seeing doctors, but my previous doctor was so amazing that I actually looked forward to seeing her. I miss her. I truly hope she comes back. Tomorrow there is a full moon, and according to some, labour and delivery wards are way busier when there is a full moon. Apparently they put on extra staff because there are not only many extra cases of false labour, but there are also many people whose water breaks spontaneously when there is a full moon, or close to it. Tomorrow is the 7th, which was one of the days I thought would be good for having a baby, but Mike still insists it will be on Thursday, the 9th. I just don't know anymore. I'm back to thinking I will be overdue, and wondering whether my shattered emotions will be able to handle it.

I was hoping that after my difficult weekend I would be back to having tons of help from Mike and that we could finish organizing the house and preparing for the baby, but I found out on Saturday night that he has 14 assignments due plus a major paper, sometime in probably the next four or five days. Great. So basically I am thinking that I will not see him at all until this baby is born.

I also had the most bizarre and disturbing dreams last night that I've had in a long time. I'm guessing that his hormone-related too. So, I think I have pretty much said all I need to say for now. I suppose it would be bad to skip out on the rest of my appointments and just wait it out til this baby comes, right? Hm. I wish I could. Better not though, in case baby turns out to be in jeopardy or something. I still don't know what we'll call him if he's a boy. Kind of stuck on that one. I think we are settled if it is a girl. I think I better go. I just feel weird about everything right now.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Not Good.

I've been alone with the boys this morning for a grand total of one hour and already I am losing it. How am I supposed to survive this entire weekend with no help? Mike is at this work bee, and my stomach is sick. Cody is in the worst mood and disobeying everything I say. Jamie is climbing on everything in sight, and I have to chase him constantly. I was going to take the boys to the farm to play with their cousins later, but now I don't think I will. That's it. I'm done. This is not working for me. I just cannot do this anymore. Why do I have to do this alone when Mike is on holidays? It will be a miracle if my boys and I all survive this weekend. I don't even want to talk to Cody anymore. I have had enough. Now I want to go into labour and have this baby just so I can get the heck out of this place. I feel completely and utterly alone. Cody just left the house in nothing but his underwear. No shoes, no socks, no other clothing of any kind. I have an offer to drop him off at the farm and leave him there for a while, but I wonder how I can justify rewarding him when all he has done all day is be nasty and gross, to me and to Jamie. I told him I would not take him to the farm unless he adjusted his attitude. Well, if he has made any adjustments he has simply gone from bad to worse. It's one of those days where I am so angry that I have the urge to just go outside and scream the most blood-curdling scream you have ever heard. Yes, I would like that very much. The only thing that stops me is that I don't want to traumatize my boys. We don't really have any neighbors, so it would be okay to do in that sense. I also feel sorry for this baby. He or she will probably not recognize my voice unless I am yelling.

Oh, and this baby is not coming today either. I'm glad though. He or she already has two cousins born on July 4th, so I was hoping to skip this day. I think once this weekend is over I should pack a bag and leave by myself. Then Mike can be here with the boys and when I'm ready to have the baby I'll just call. That way there is no chance that I'm going to be ditched again. I feel like I'm going to have some kind of massive breakdown or something.

Sorry this is so negative. I'm just sitting here crying and I had to vent it out. I guess I'll quit now and hope that things get better and not worse before the day is over.

Friday, July 3, 2009

It Won't be Today.

Well, this was my number one pick for the date I wanted my baby to be born. My Grandma turns 95 today, and she is awesome. I thought having my baby on her birthday would be a great way to always remember her birthday, even after she is gone. However, it looks like nothing is happening. I knew it was wishful thinking, because my babies never come early, and I still have a week and a half til my due date, but I still can't help but be disappointed. I have that gross heartburn pressure feeling up in my chest and throat, so I can only assume that baby is messing around and is not down low where he/she is supposed to be before the birth. Oh well. Didn't I say recently that I was convinced it would come on July 21st? I know I did, and I was very convinced and I was at peace with being overdue. I have since changed my mind. How ridiculous of me.

The nice thing is, our house is getting a real work over, so it is starting to look great in here! The baby's room is very clean, albeit void of a crib and also containing a treadmill at the moment. Still, it looks great in there compared to the past month or two. My room has been rearranged and the furniture is back where I like it, plus the desk and computer have been moved back downstairs. What a relief that is! I can actually get to my closet and dresser now without getting stuck! The living room is clean, the kitchen is clean...We need to work on the boys' room, but that is not as urgent. I still need to pack my suitcase for the hospital, and I might do that today. Right now I don't feel like doing anything. I should probably check on Cody real quick though. He is outside. Jamie is in bed sleeping and Mike is not home. He has gone to town to do errands. I'm guessing I won't see him much before supper time, but who knows? I am not too upset just now because it is blissfully quiet in this house. I hope it will stay that way for a while. I really wanted to go to town too to do errands, but we simply had no one to take the kids, and it would have been too stressful to drag them along. So, Mike went alone, and I might go in alone later. Not sure yet. Waste of gas, I know, but I really do need to go in at some point.

So everyone is on edge now about this baby. I called my in-laws house this morning and I think my mother-in-law panicked a bit when she saw our number on the call display! Haha. Every time I call someone now I'll have to start by saying, "No, I'm not in labour." My parents left for the lake this afternoon, and my Mom asked me to call every day to keep her informed because if I don't she will go crazy wondering. I have a strong suspicion now that they will get to stay the full week at the lake with no interruptions from me and the baby. Bummer in a way, but I guess it's okay. The longer the baby stays in there, the more we can get done to prepare, so that's okay too. Still, every time I stand up a tiny part of me hopes that my water will suddenly break and I'll have this baby today after all! I'll probably be blabbing about this to an annoying excess in my blog because it is so much on my mind. It's basically all I am thinking about right now.

Guess I'll sign off and try to get some more stuff done around here. Maybe I'll do some homework so that I don't miss my deadline when I do have the baby. I'm off for now.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Baby?

Hm. Starting to feel like maybe this baby will come early after all. Having a contraction as I type this, but I am not in labour or anything. Maybe I should time them anyway, just in case. That was 11:27 a.m. I was awake for much of the night last night with painful cramps, so I was beginning to wonder whether maybe I'll get my wish and have this baby on my Grandma's birthday tomorrow after all. However, it is very hard to say. I just really don't feel well today. I hope this won't drag on for weeks. If I have to feel like this for three straight weeks I'm going to get even grouchier than I already am. Not good. I guess I will have to wait and see. My poor mother is stressed out because her and my Dad are supposed to be leaving for the lake tomorrow afternoon and she wants me to have the baby today so that they don't leave and then have to turn around and come back. They live two and a half hours away as it is, but the lake that they are going to is another hour and a half away, so if I have it while they are away it will be quite the drive for them to get here, and they are coming to stay with our boys while we are in the hospital.

So, today is the day to get everything else ready. Last night I got the baby's hospital bag packed, and we are currently doing laundry to get our bed sheets clean. I will wash another set to put aside for my parents to use when they come. I still have to clean my ensuite bathroom, but I don't feel like it right now. I don't feel like doing anything, actually. And technically, I have some more shopping to do before this baby comes, but maybe there won't be time. Who knows? I am supposed to go to the library today too to return our books. Hm. Maybe I'll go later, but I'm not sure yet whether I will or not. Guess I'll see how I'm feeling.

Anyway, that is just a short update on the status of things. I am trying not to get my hopes up about having this baby on my Grandma's birthday. If I don't, I hope it doesn't come the next day either. It probably will be a while yet, but again, it's hard not to hope. I better go help Mike get this place ready. I'll likely be back with an update tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Nesting

I am taking a break from the "nesting" that I am doing. I was alone with the boys all morning today, but I decided I didn't care and I was going to tackle the baby room anyway. I sat on the floor in there, which was probably a mistake, but I had no other option. Then I hauled out all six or seven boxes of baby clothes that I needed to sort through. Actually, there might have even been more than that. Crazy, eh?? I pulled out all the neutral stuff I could find and put it in a pile. Then I stacked the three boxes that are not my own baby clothes for Mike to take to the basement for temporary storage. I figure if it's a boy I'll haul them back up and pull out the rest of what I want to use. If it's a girl, I will not need to. I have to confess, I did have a very small box of girl stuff from a co-worker of mine, and after some debating I decided to keep a few of the outfits out. The ones that are really cute and not stained. There are hardly any, so I thought I might as well wash them along with the neutral stuff and it will be easy enough to put them away again if this is a boy. So, I am making progress in the baby room, but believe me, it doesn't look like it! Now there is a pile of baby clothes in the middle of the floor, and several empty diaper boxes laying around, plus two boxes and a bin with toys that need to be organized. There is also the change table in there, a dresser, a treadmill (of all things!) and Cody's GeoTrax stuff. He has a track set up right now, which FINALLY has been moved into the corner where it is not in my way for using the change table.

Some people think change tables are stupid and a waste of money. Mine was neither. I got it for free from a friend, and I have used it every day since Cody came home from the hospital over three years ago. I hate changing babies on the floor. I find it awkward, and there is a bigger chance of getting pee or poop on the carpet, even when you use a changing pad. So, hats off to the change table. It is a most welcome invention in my house.

Anyway, I also have a baby car seat in there, a diaper genie (a not-so-welcome invention as it turns out) and an exersaucer, all scattered about. Oh, and a play pen too. Good thing we have not set up the crib yet. Seriously, it is crazy in that room. But, I have made progress and that makes me really excited about this baby. That sounds dumb, but what I mean is that the closer my house gets to being ready, the more excited I am to actually have this baby already. I really want to have it on Friday, but there is no part of me whatsoever that believes that will happen. I have no signs that labour is near, and let's face it, I am two weeks (minus one day) from my due date, so there is plenty of time yet. Goodie. I don't really want to face this entire weekend alone either, which is exactly what is going to happen to me, so if I had the baby on Friday I wouldn't have to. Yes, the plan at this point is for Mike to be gone for the entire weekend, probably for 12 hours at a time each day...maybe even more. The thought right now makes me want to just lay down and give up. I am so desperate for some time to rest without chasing little boys around, but it seems like it is never going to happen.

Right now, Jamie is napping and Mike is working on cleaning up the basement so that our freezer is actually accessible for my parents when they come to stay with the boys. Cody has mostly been down there helping him, so that is nice because it means he is out of my way. He has been pretty good today though. This morning was a bit difficult because I did not put Jamie down for a nap at all so I had to chase both of them, and this might sound lame, but once I am sitting on the floor I can't really get up again without a supreme effort due to back pain, and just the awkwardness of my body right now. I also can't crawl to another part of the floor, so I tried to situate myself in the most convenient place possible in the baby room and then I had Cody bring things to me when I could not reach them.

Anyway, this has not been a very exciting post, but I was just on the phone for a while, so I think my break has been extended far enough. Time to go back to work.