Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another dream but still no baby.

Three nights in a row now I have dreamed that I had a baby boy. Last night I couldn't remember what I had named him, and I was distressed because I wanted to change his diaper, but nobody would help me get to him. He was wearing the cute fitted hemp diaper that I bought, but no cover. I was distressed about this, but he seemed fine. He had lots of dark hair. The birth was easy, but the nurses were rude to me. I was in the hospital for less than a day, and I forgot to call anyone to tell them that I had had a baby. I realized that when I was on the phone later with my sister Andrea and I asked her, "Oh, did I tell you that I had the baby?" Turns out I hadn't. Nor had I told anyone else.

I woke up very much not in labour, which frustrated me, but between 7 and 8 a.m. I was having contractions that were fairly strong but not painful. Not the real thing, in other words. Now I just feel depressed. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. My parents leave town today, so it feels like it's now or never. That is not true, of course, but why can't I just meet my baby already? I really feel depressed that I am not in labour. It feels like it will never happen. I'm just discouraged. I'm sure the timing will work out perfectly because I have asked God to be in charge of that. I guess I don't have much faith, eh? I tell God that I want his timing, but then I freak out when it does not work out exactly the way I think would be best. I am just discouraged, I guess. My Mom just called me to see what is going on, and whether they should stay another night or not. I had no idea what to tell her. I guess I should just pray that if I'm going to go into labour today at all that it will be sooner rather than later so that I will know what to tell my parents.

Anyway, another post that just says the same things over and over again. I better sign off now. Just had to vent this out.

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