Monday, August 31, 2009

This is insane!

Today started at 5:30 a.m. I fed Micah, who actually had not eaten since midnight, so that was pretty good. However, he could not get back to sleep because he has phlegm in his throat that he can neither swallow nor cough up. I got him settled by 6:30 a.m., but not before Cody was awake. By 7:30 a.m., Jamie was BACK in bed, because he was so grouchy. He was only up for about ten minutes. I was not looking forward to the rest of the day. I fed Micah again at 7:30 a.m. and when I was done with him, I discovered that he had peed through his diaper, his clothes and his blankets, and my shirt was also soaked. Wonderful. My day was already swirling towards disaster.

Before lunch, the boys were pretty good. Not awesome, but decent.

Oh sick! Jamie is crying now. It is 2:19 p.m. That means he probably pooped and is now in pain from a diaper rash that he got a couple of days ago after a poop went undiscovered in his diaper for several hours. Oh boy. He sounds really miserable. Guess I'll have to continue this after I deal with him.

Oh boy. This just keeps getting worse and worse. Before lunch, I was feeding Micah in the living room and I heard the answering machine go. I don't mean that the phone rang. It did not. Jamie was standing in his high chair pressing buttons on the answering machine. He then recorded a message which was quite lengthy and consisted of Cody asking repeatedly, "Can I have a message?" and me shouting, "Jamie, get down off your high chair! Jamie, get away from the answering machine! Cody, get in here!" Well, you get the drift. I have yet to discover whether he recorded it as a message or whether it is our new greeting. It is a fairly accurate picture of what goes on around here.

After that, I fed them lunch. Cheez Whiz sandwiches. (Gross.) I was in the living room again when I heard Cody announce, "Mom, we're putting Cheez Whiz in our hair!" Oh boy.

A while later, Jamie was in bed and I was just getting Cody out the door to play outside for a while when he announced that he needed to poop. Okay. I was feeding Micah again, so I could not participate in this blessed event. I told him to go ahead and do it himself. He did. He then shouted out his traditional sing-song, "Mo-om, I want-cha!" I shouted back that I was busy with Micah and would not be able to come and wipe him. He protested and said he'd wait for me. I informed him that it would be a while and told him to do it himself. Then, right after Micah finished eating, I heard a blast from him. Uh-oh. Okay, I decided I would burp him and hold him until he was finished what he started. I burped him. I then decided to let him finish his business laying on the floor on a blanket while I ran to help Cody, who was still in the bathroom. I called out to Cody that I was coming and I put Micah down on his blanket. I then heard a flush. Okay, I guess he decided to do it on his own after all. When I arrived, he was still sitting on the toilet and said he wanted help. I looked at the toilet paper roll. It was substantially skinnier than when I had seen it last, about half an hour before. Oh dear. The toilet was pretty full of toilet paper. I took a chance and tried flushing anyway. It did not take. By some small mercy, the toilet did not overflow. Our old one would have.

So, I got Cody cleaned up and ran back for Micah, who was wailing by now. I carried him to the change table in his room and put him down on his back. Great Jehoshaphat! The front of his adorable overalls were soaked in poop. I looked down at my own shirt, that I had been holding him against. It was spared! Unfortunately, he was wearing a "onesie" underneath it that goes on over the head. Incidentally, it was the first time that one was ever worn. I guess he christened it quite thoroughly. I had to pull it down his body instead of dragging it over his head. So, I got him cleaned up, which was quite a task. I then put him down on his blanket on the floor again so that I could clean up his clothes. I considered using my diaper sprayer, but then I was reminded of the plugged toilet. Did I mention that I am no good with a plunger? This is going to be a job for Super Dad. Won't he be excited to get home?!

As I scrubbed poop off the clothes, Micah screamed in the background while Cody asked over and over again for fridge water. I finally came and physically removed him from the house. I told him that if he came in again he would not get his water, but if he waited outside I would bring it to him as soon as I could. Phew. That took care of one of them.

Once the clothes were scrubbed and hung in the bathroom, I came out and got water for Cody. I then came in to deal with Micah, who was still hysterical. I held him to calm him down and Cody immediately was on the scene again. It is impossible to get a moment's peace around here. I finally got Cody out the door and started this blog post and then I heard Jamie start to cry. Suspecting yet another poop situation, I put Micah down. I wondered how I would deal with Jamie's poop with a clogged toilet. When I got in his room, he was thrashing around in his crib, snarking at me and whining and crying. I tried giving him water. He got mad. I asked him what was wrong. He got mad. I tried to pick him up. More anger. I was starting to worry. He had to be sick, to be acting like that. I went and got some Tylenol. He got mad. He refused to take any. His diaper was also not an issue. I started to leave. He got mad. I offered the medicine again. He got mad. I gave up. He cried some more. Wow. In the background, I heard Micah start bawling again.

Jamie went back to sleep. Cody just got back in the house. Lately he does not like being outside alone. He just went to Micah's room to play with GeoTrax. I can live with that! Micah is in my arms, and I am finding this typing to be quite painful on my wrists. I am very stressed about my homework, which I feel utterly incapable of doing in the midst of all this chaos. Even still, I do not have great confidence in my ability to do it all this evening either. One way or another, I will be interrupted because I will have to feed Micah. Those interruptions are long. I desperately want to take a break from my course, but I am afraid to let myself because if I can't handle it now, how will it be any better a few weeks or even months from now?? It will not be. I might try putting this baby down somewhere so I can at least attempt more work on my assignment. Who ever said that being a stay at home mom was an easy job? certainly not me, that's for sure. I can't even finish a single task without a million interruptions. I have not finished loading the dishwasher yet, and I was working on it this morning. I would love to fold my clean laundry, but have not had the opportunity yet. Phew.

Anyway, I am really getting sore here. I better sign off. Maybe I can do a bit of homework. A nap would be fantastic too, but I don't dare.

3:57 p.m. Just a little update for you here. Cody just broke his glasses in half. Yep. In half. Now he has two monocles. He is now telling me, "I need to see!" Great. A fitting end to the day. Except it is not the end. We still have another three to four hours before the older two boys are in bed for the night, and even then it is not over because there is still Micah. Our days are never over.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Better day.

I survived yesterday, and my first week alone with the kids is nearly over. Yesterday I managed to clean the kitchen, do laundry, take care of three boys, bake a brownie and complete a search for my missing Lilypad. I did find it, as it turns out. It was under my bed. I had looked there multiple times. How typical. Cody and I battled it out once again, but we survived. We had a nice time with company in the evening too, and the kids stayed up a bit late playing with their friends.

Now Jamie is napping, and Micah is also asleep, but he is fidgeting, so I suspect I will be feeding him soon. I just deflected Cody with the TV. Not a good habit, but it's Friday, and he has been pretty good today. I am not accomplishing much. I was going to nap because I was falling asleep, but Cody is not going to make that possible, and Micah will be up soon anyway.

Speaking of Micah, he slept through the night last night. Yep. Yesterday he was officially one month old, and I fed him at 10:12 p.m. and he did not eat again until 5:15 a.m. He also slept the entire time in between. No fussing. Wow. I was very thrilled with that development. He then did not eat again until 9:00 a.m. I don't know that he will make this a habit, but wouldn't it be great if he did?! I still only got about five hours of sleep, but five hours of uninterrupted sleep is like a gold mine when you have a newborn. In fact, I did not even get that much uninterrupted sleep for the last several months of my pregnancy, due to bathroom breaks in the night.

I don't have much more to say right now because I am just too tired. But I will leave you with this cloth diapering moment from a couple of days ago. Mike was in the bathroom with the boys, who were both in the tub. Mike was spraying off a poopy diaper of Jamie's into the toilet with our wonderful diaper sprayer. I was in the living room feeding Micah when I overheard Cody say, "Dad, you're a great poop cleaner!" Hm. Maybe he should include that on his next resume update!

Anyway, I guess I'm off for now. Going to rest and read a little more. Too tired to think about homework for now. Turns out we have a big family event on tomorrow, so once that is over I will have to spend a lot of time on my homework which is due on Tuesday next week.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Biggest Loser

There is a new biggest loser in town, and it has nothing to do with weight loss. Other candidates need not apply. I already have this one down. I can't tell you the number of ways that label applies to me right now. Yesterday around 4:00 p.m. or so I realized that I had forgotten to do my eye drops and I was about 2 1/2 hours late. I am on an every three hour schedule now, so I had basically skipped an entire dose. Some of you may think that's not a big deal. You are wrong. These are steroid eye drops and if you suddenly stop taking them, you can permanently damage your eyes. I was mad at myself, but I went to my room immediately to do my drops so it would be okay, right? Wrong. My drops were not there. I kind of freaked out. I have been doing my eye drops sitting on the edge of my bed, so they are always sitting on my night table right beside my bed. They were not there. I thought maybe they fell into my garbage can. They were not there. I thought maybe they fell on the floor. They were not there either. I started to panic. I wondered whether I had brought them to the living room or the kitchen so I came and checked. They were not there. I started to look under and on top of everything in sight. No eye drops. I found my two old bottles, which are both smaller than the current one. They are also empty. Desperate, I tried using them to hold me over. There was one drop in the first bottle. My left eye was done. Then I got a drop out of the other bottle. Now it was 4:30 p.m. and both of my eyes were okay for the time being, but what the heck was I supposed to do for my next dose??

Mike and I both started searching every room in the house. It was clear by this point that the eye drops had been taken, not just misplaced. I knew the culprit had to be Jamie, though we did entertain thoughts that one of the cats may have taken them. Seriously, they do that sort of thing. That meant they could be anywhere. I looked through laundry baskets and the dryer. We searched our room including under the bed, in the bed, in the closet, in drawers...You get the picture. I searched the closets in both bathrooms. We looked in the baby room. Mike went downstairs and searched in case they had been thrown down by Jamie, or carried down by a cat. Nothing. I looked through every drawer in the boys' room. Nothing. Mike raked his fingers through the shavings in Oreo's cage. (Things have been known to disappear in there quite frequently.) Still nothing. I was upset. I was planning to go into town to buy a new bottle. That one had cost over $30 and it was the non name brand. It was the last one available. If they did not have any more, I would have to pay DOUBLE that for a name brand one. Great. I was really upset.

I prayed and prayed, as I always do when something is lost. I got the idea to look in the bathrooms because Jamie had appeared earlier with a shower puff that he played with all day. I did not know where it came from, but it led me to search all bathroom cupboards, drawers and closets. Still nothing. I was so frustrated. I was about fifteen minutes away from getting into the van and driving to town when I did another sweep of the boys' room. Then I noticed something I had not seen before. Just to set the stage here a bit, the boys had clothes on their floor, and Cody's bedding had also been dragged off, so there were clothes, bedding, toys and books all over their floor. It looks like this every day, even shortly after being cleaned. That is why I had not previously noticed that the packaged of toilet paper from my bathroom was laying on the floor in there. I picked it up and looked inside. There, amongst several rolls of toilet paper, were my eye drops. Phew. I could not believe it.

So, I was spared that time, and I was both relieved and thankful, and okay, maybe a little bit amused. That Jamie is a crazy one! If only that were the end of my loser problems. This next issue is somewhat embarrassing, but I am so mad about it that I just have to write it out. Last night I fed Micah for the final pre-bedtime feeding at 10:40 p.m. Mike and I were watching TV at the time. We went to bed at about 11:30 p.m. and we were both finally settled in bed and Micah sleeping soundly in the cradle beside me when I realized that I was missing one of my Lilypadz. I believe I described those in a previous entry. Okay, so I turned the light on and looked on the floor. It was not there. What the heck? I had it when I last fed Micah, so it had to be somewhere between my room and the living room. The search was on. Again. Well, I searched and searched. So did Mike. We did not find it. I still can't find it, even in the light of a new day. I am so angry. How could I lose something like that?? Okay, so it is basically invisible, because it is clear, but still! Now I wonder again if a cat stole it. But it isn't as though a cat took it off of me. Seriously. Those things stick to me like band aids. How could one just disappear? I feel like such a major loser.

So today, I have company coming and I have to do major cleaning in preparation. Cody is fighting me on every tiny detail. I feel like a loser of a mother there too. Seriously, if he has zero respect for me, it is obvious that I am doing something wrong. I don't know what it is, so I can't fix it. It is depressing, and I also find it humiliating. Add to that the fact that I have no decent clothes to wear, (just maternity clothes, which is somewhat humiliating too) and I am wearing one unnoticeable Lilypad and one thick lumpy disposable breast pad, and I am feeling exceptionally ugly...

That's where I'm at today. Jamie is in bed already, against my better judgment. He was so tired and grouchy and when I asked him if he wanted to go to bed he said yes. Well, yes in Jamie language, which is more of an enthusiastic and higher pitched "Heh?" So, he is sleeping. Cody has already been outside in his pajamas with no shoes or socks on. He told me Mike fed them breakfast, and there was some evidence to that effect, but now I don't even know whether he did or not. I gave them a snack, but what if they are starving? Mike is not answering the cell phone, so I can't know for sure.

And now I'm sitting on my butt blogging when all of my boys are occupied. I have to go clean now. Oh, and now Micah is stirring. Fantastic. I missed my only opportunity to prepare for our company tonight. Biggest loser anyone? Sorry. I'm just so frustrated that I keep losing things. Expensive things that I need. I'll update if I find the elusive Lilypad. I'm off to clean as much as I can before all you-know-what breaks loose once again in this place.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My first day alone with three boys...

Well, so much for victorious mommy moments. Today is my first day alone with the boys, as Mike returned to work this morning. I would not call my day positive so far. For one thing, Micah picked last night to wake up every 2 1/2 hours instead of doing a five hour stretch and a three hour stretch. How wonderful for me. My first round of sleep lasted less than an hour and a half. By the time I fed him at 6:51 this morning, I was shaking with exhaustion. Fortunately for me, Mike did not have a full day of work today, so he didn't have to leave until about 9:30 a.m. He let me sleep in until 9:00, which was a life saver, though I still felt like crap when he woke me up with a crying Micah.

I fed Micah on my bed and Mike had fed the boys breakfast. Jamie was still in his high chair, so I was not too bombarded in my room, thank goodness. By the time I was done with Micah, Jamie was both of the other boys were done eating and were playing nicely, and Mike was gone. So far, so good.

When I came into the living room, I felt a sense of deja vu. There was cereal all over the living room floor. This time, it was rice krispies, and Jamie was the culprit. At least I get a bit of variety. There were also toys and other miscellaneous items all over the floor, and I decided that it was time for clean up, after I ate my toast. Cody started off well, and put some of his toys away. Things went downhill from there. He then began his usual "clean-up rebellion", which consists of telling ME to clean up, and him doing whatever he wants.

I had a lot that I wanted to do, including some baby laundry, so I strapped Micah onto me in the Trekker. (A baby carrier, for those who are unfamiliar with it.) He immediately began screaming, and I mean SCREAMING!!! Why is it that my babies never like the trekker?? I decided to ignore the screaming, despite the fact that it was less than six inches away from my ears and they were suffering terribly. I went about my business. I accidentally scraped his foot against the corner of the change table while climbing onto a chair to pin a blanket over the window. More screaming ensued. I felt horrible. Then I went to the laundry room. I had to bend over to pick up the laundry basket which was full of Micah's stuff. He screamed even harder. Okay, obviously he did not like it when I bent over, but I held his head so he wouldn't flop backwards, so I couldn't figure out what the big deal was. I assumed he would eventually give up and go to sleep. He did not. I got the laundry going, and after trying to do some clean up with him strapped to me and still hysterical, I listened to his cries to figure out the problem.

On a brief aside, I don't believe I have mentioned this in here before, but late in my pregnancy with Jamie, I purchased the Dunstan Baby Language DVDs online. They are created by an Australian woman who is a musical prodigy and has an amazing ear. Long story short, after she had a baby she analyzed babies' cries and after years of research discovered that in the first three months babies have five distinct different cries and each one signifies a specific need. There is one for hungry, one for needing to burp, one for lower gas pain, one for discomfort (ie: diaper issue, too cold, too hot...etc) and one for tired. I found it to be amazingly accurate with Jamie, and have been using it again with Micah. I wish I had known about it when I had Cody, as Mike always wanted me to feed him when he was crying a lot and I think we often compounded the problem because he would get fed when he had a tummy ache...etc.

Anyway, listening to him, I identified the discomfort cry, so I decided that he was clearly not comfortable in there and I should get him out and wrap him up so he could go to sleep. I took him to my room and took him out of the trekker and I was horrified when I saw that both of his legs were dark blue. I was totally cutting off his circulation and I was deliberately ignoring his hysterical crying. What kind of a horrible mother does that make me?? I was VERY upset, and massaged his legs until they looked normal again. I kept thinking, what if I had continued to ignore him for a really long time? I can't believe how horrible that was. I wrapped him up in a blanket and gave him his soother and he settled right away. I put him in his bouncy chair inside the play pen, which was in the kitchen, and then I got back to the cleaning and the battle field.

As is typical, Cody refused to clean up, so I ended up putting him in his room while I did all the work. I told him that if he cannot clean up his toys, he cannot play with his toys either. This did not go over well. He slammed the door, he screamed, he kicked the wall, he came out of his room repeatedly to get me mad. Then he would run and hide behind his bed if I so much as took a single step in his direction. It certainly succeeded in making me angry, but I refused to go in there after him. After a while he stayed in his room, until I started up the vacuum. Amazingly, I got the living room pretty clean, and soon it was time to feed Micah again, so I did. At that time, I think I had booted Cody outside, but he did not stay out long. Finally I told him he could play with his geo trax, which are in Micah's room right now, seeing he is not using it yet. Him and Jamie disappeared together in there while I fed Micah in the living room. I was uneasy about them being together out of my sight, given Cody's tendency to pick on his brother, but I decided to just let it go and if something happened I'd deal with it then. A while later, Cody came out of the room and said bye to Jamie. I could still hear a lot of shaking and rattling, coming from the exersaucer. When Jamie started to whine and complain, I asked Cody if Jamie was IN the exersaucer. He was. And he could not get out. Sigh. He would just have to wait for me to rescue him.

Now, there is finally some peace in the house. Cody and I have been battling for over an hour now, mostly due to his raunchy attitude. He is outside, at my insistence, but it has taken me about an hour to get him to stay outside. The first part of that involved him standing right outside of the door screaming at the top of his lungs. What in the world would I do if I lived in the city?? Micah is sleeping in the bouncy chair again, but it took me a LONG time to settle him there. He was very fussy, and puked a lot, as usual. I should be cleaning or doing my homework, but this is the first break I have gotten all day. I am exhausted, but I cannot nap because Micah will be up very soon to eat. It has been over three hours...the longest stretch he has done since yesterday afternoon. Maybe he is in a growth spurt.

So, I guess I better go and get something productive done. I hope Mike is home early today. He might be, but there are no guarantees of that. I was going to make a macaroni casserole this afternoon for supper tonight, but after I pulled out the ingredients I found that we were missing one. Macaroni. Hm. Guess that won't be working then. Too bad. I would have looked pretty good if I had done laundry, cleaned the living room AND made supper, on top of keeping all three boys alive, fed and somewhat looked after all day. Oh well. There's always tomorrow, I guess. This is only day one of the next four months. That's how long it will be until I get any kind of a break again. How am I going to do this???

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A Mommy Milestone

This morning, Cody came in the house calling for me and saying, "Mom, I need a needle!". I had no idea what he meant by that, but I could tell that Mike had sent him in the house so there must have been something I was supposed to give him. I had Micah at the time, as I had just finished feeding him. I also had stuff on the stove, but fortunately I had already turned it off. Cody came into my room, covered in sand and dirt. Yes, I do mean covered. He had actual grains of sand in a large patch by the side of his mouth, and his arms were blackened as though he had rubbed charcoal on them. His legs were too. He came up to me holding his hand out and said "I need a needle". He pointed to his finger and then I saw the problem. He had slivers! Three of them in one finger, obviously from his new play structure. So, I was presented with a mommy challenge that I have never faced before.

I told him to go into the bathroom and wash his hands and face really well and I would be with him in a few minutes. I put Micah down and began searching for my sewing pins. I could not find them. I then decided to look in my sewing machine case and use a needle instead. I could not find my sewing machine. I suppose that sounds odd, but my machine does not have a table that I keep it on. It is in a case, and I have had it stashed in the laundry room. It was not there. Great. By this time, Cody was calling for me and Micah was fully hysterical, and I still had no pins or needles. I then stuck my head out the kitchen door and asked Mike to come in and help me. He informed me that my sewing machine was in the basement. Somehow, that bothered me, but since getting my machine I have never actually sewn with it. It is not for lack of interest. I would love to start sewing. I just don't remember how, plus I have no fabric or patterns.

Anyway, I returned to my room and did find the wayward pins so I grabbed them and went to the bathroom with Cody. I informed him that this was going to hurt a little bit. That may have been a poor strategy on my part. He immediately began to whimper. I showed him the pins, the kind with the colored round heads on them, and asked him which color he would like me to use. He chose yellow. So, I pulled out a yellow pin and asked him to give me his hand. He did, but his arm was bent and he was pulling away from me so I could barely look at his finger. I finally told him that if he moved around it would hurt but if he held still it would not be bad. That seemed to help. I poked at sliver number one for a while, Cody flinching and whimpering the whole time. When I got it loose I told him I was going for my tweezers to pull it out. I went and retrieved them and returned to my poor child. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and in a very pathetic voice said, "But I don't want you to use the squeezers on my finger!" I could not help but laugh. I kept telling him to trust me, and I finally pulled the first sliver out of his fingers with the "squeezers" and showed it to him. At that point in time, the process became less scary for him and somewhat cool. He said, "That hurt a little bit". In other words, it wasn't that bad. So, we repeated the process for about seven slivers until I deemed him to be sliver-free. Then I washed his hands again, twice, and sent him on his merry way.

I know it's silly, but somehow I felt like it was some kind of mom milestone or something. I remember having slivers taken out of my hands as a child, though in my case it was always my Dad who did it. He would pull out his pocket knife, you know, one of those little red ones, and he had this tiny pair of tweezers that were part of it. I don't think he used the blade of the knife. I'm pretty sure he used one of my mom's needles. Anyway, not sure whether that should be considered a fond memory or not, seeing it was painful, but there is something about a parent comforting you or even fixing it when you are in pain.

Anyway, now I am in my room, wondering whether I have a migraine coming on, and wanting to nap. The only thing is, I am due in 35 minutes for my next eye drops, so I feel like I should wait. I am very tired, and need the extra sleep, but not sure whether I should do it or not. I am discouraged because tomorrow will be Mike's last full day of holidays. I know I've had lots of time with him, but part of me is depressed because we did not do anything "holiday-ish", and the other part of me is just terrified to be on my own from now on. I literally do not feel capable of doing this. I hope Micah starts sleeping longer soon. Once he does, I will feel more human again. I hope soon I will look more human again. I am feeling very ugly these days. To top that off, there was an unfortunate laundry accident that pretty much made my only decent shirt unwearable. The first several months after birth are always very hard on my self-esteem. No wonder I am sick.

Okay, I better sign off now. I can at least lay down with my book and do my eye drops when the time comes. Then maybe I can sneak in a nap before Jamie or Micah wake up. Mike is outside with Cody so I don't have back-up in here. I'm off.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Raw emotions, anyone?

When people say that they laughed til they cried, it brings to mind an image of laughing out loud, possibly doubled over, red in the face, and a few tears streaming down their cheeks. For me, it is much more than that. Anyone who knows me really well will sincerely utter the word "Uh oh..." when they hear that I laughed til I cried. To me, a tear or two on the face does not necessarily constitute crying. Sure, there are happy tears. The expression should be, "I laughed until happy tears came out of my eyes". Okay, so it's not as catchy. The thing is, I laughed til I cried today. Well, almost. I told Mike I had a brilliant idea. I wanted to take a bunch of our old XBox games to EB Games and trade them in for credit, which I wanted to use to purchase the new Wii game, Wii Sports Resort. I have been really wanting this game since the last few days of my pregnancy. In fact, when I could not get it then, I cried.

So, when I mentioned this brilliant idea this afternoon, Mike immediately broke into a grin. Okay, so Mike is always grinning. But this one was so big and so immediate that I knew instantly that he had already purchased the game for me, either for my birthday or for our anniversary, which fall on the same day, incidentally. Seeing the tell-tale grin caused me to lose it laughing immediately, which in turn tipped him off to the fact that I was on to him, and he began laughing too. Problem is, I was out of control. I could not stand up...partially for fear of wetting my pants, a very real possibility in the weeks following child birth, but also partially because I was so weak with laughter that I could only collapse face first on the bed. I laughed so hard I indeed had tears streaming down my face. That's where the trouble nearly began. I felt the subtle shift in emotion and knew I was about to hit the crying phase of the "laugh til I cry" sequence. It took all of my emotional fortitude to control myself, and I don't have much of that these days, but somehow I managed to stop the pendulum before it swung to the other side.

I thought I was doing pretty good as far as the baby blues are concerned. Actually, I really am. I am doing much better than I was the first two weeks, and I barely cry at all each day now, rather than every few minutes every day. But I guess my emotions are still a bit raw. I know how I am when I am this emotionally stressed, and for me, laughing does indeed turn into crying. I don't mean a tear brimming in my eye after a particularly hearty chuckle. I mean an out of control laugh attack that involves losing control of one or more bodily functions or muscles, that turns into a sobbing like you're at a funeral until you have the worst headache in history and your eyes are so puffy they are just small slits in your face surrounded by eyelids that look more like giant pink eyelids and you are about six or seven different shades of red...at which point there is nothing to be done but go to bed. You will wake up with what I would imagine a hangover would feel like, and looking like you participated in a violent boxing match and came out the loser. Today I was lucky. I avoided that catastrophic fate. Fortunately for me, that is only a danger when I laugh exceedingly hard, and for some reason, I rarely laugh really hard. I'm not sure why. Maybe I am suppressing all of my true emotions because I can't handle feeling the full extent of them. Or, maybe I just don't have that great of a sense of humor anymore. I used to laugh a lot. Hm. I've often wondered about that over the years. Why don't I laugh anymore? I certainly have mastered the art of crying.

Anyway, not sure why I wrote about this. It really was very funny at the time, and as I said, I did not slip into the full bawling-fest, so it was not as bad as it could have been. Today has been a decent day. I am sad though because Mike will be going back to work on Tuesday, and that is too close to now. I'm going to sign off now.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My appointment

Well, I made it through my appointment with the ophthalmologist unscathed. Miraculously, when I got there the entire waiting room was empty. I mean, not a single person waiting. I didn't even have to sit there. They took me directly into an exam room, and Micah slept the whole time. Even though I was the only patient there, I still had to wait for the doctor. I could hear him on the phone in spanish in the next room. I was tense, thinking that if he didn't hurry then Micah would wake up, but he stayed asleep. The doctor was with me for about ten minutes, and he did not say anything rude this time. Lucky for him too, because if he had I definitely would have cried in my current hormonal and sleep-deprived state, and then maybe he would have felt bad. He was a bit baffled by my condition, especially when I told him that I had taken the liberty to begin treating the other eye when it got red and sore on Saturday. He informed me that it is very rare for it to be in both eyes, and I did not comment, but I have had it in both eyes before. He discovered that little tidbit when he looked back through my file. He also discovered that we had already done all the possible tests to discover why this keeps happening to me, and to no avail. So, he kind of shrugged and said that we would simply treat it and he would see me in eight weeks. (Oh joy. I get to go back.)

So that was my appointment. I went to three different places when I was done. I went to the gas station to fill up the van. Then I went to a health store to buy laundry detergent for the cloth diapers. Then I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items there. Micah slept the entire time, and all the way home til about a quarter of a mile away from our house. He was amazing. I was so thrilled and so relieved. I will be on eye drops for the next six weeks I think. Hopefully my next appointment will be the last one. I don't want to keep going through this. This is the third time I have had this happen in five and a half years...the second time in one year. It's not an eye infection either, or an allergy, or anything else common or normal. It's called iritis, or uveitis, and it is not a good thing to have...trust me. At any rate, at least it is not incredibly painful this time. It's good that we caught it early.

The three boys are crazy today. Micah is laying on his play mat, kicking his legs and now crying too.

Okay, that was about an hour ago. Micah is now sleeping in his bouncy chair and Mike is outside with the other two boys, building a play structure. I am doing laundry and considering starting my next round of homework, which is due on September 1st. Not that far away, really. I better get started, I guess. That's all for now.

P.S. This is telling me that this post did not publish, but I think it did. I don't know why it is doing this to me lately. I'm adding this line to see whether it works after this.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sick.

I'm sick, so I have not been on here much. I have a cold, which has officially moved on to the "using mass amounts of kleenex and sounding very nasal" stage as of this morning. I am very thankful for that because the two days prior to that were the horrible sore throat days, and that I can't stand! I think we are all sick here, though I am not sure about Micah, and not 100% sure about Mike either. I also have a condition in both eyes that is requiring eye drops every hour while I am awake. I get to see an ophthalmologist about that situation tomorrow. For reasons that I won't get into here, I dread my appointment. I might have an update to give once it is over. I hope it will be uneventful and not post-worthy.

Other than that, I don't have a lot to say tonight. I am simply too tired and I want to put my laptop down. I did survive an evening alone with all three boys though, but it was pretty easy because Micah slept the whole time the boys were up, and then they went to bed relatively easily, so I cannot claim any heroics tonight.

Anyway, eyes are watering and due for more drops soon. I am signing off for now. Goodnight. (I hope.)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Alone with three boys...take 1!

"I'm going to go pick up the tractor so I can work on the boys' play structure", Mike told me earlier. Sounds harmless enough, right? Wrong. I have three boys here, and NONE of them are napping. This is not good. I wondered how in the world I was going to survive, though Mike assured me he would only be gone 25 minutes. If that were the case, I would not have been too concerned, but Mike's "25 minutes" often evolve into hours, so I was not really excited about this development.

Sure enough, after he left it all hit the fan. Jamie took it personally that Mike left without having taken him outside first. Then he got really clumsy and kept hurting himself. I finally turned on the tv to a kids' show, a tactic that I have not resorted to in a very long time. Then I had to take Micah, who was very distraught, to change his diaper. While he was on the change table enjoying the open air, he pooped. Anyone who has had a baby knows what kind of poop we are talking about here. So, I was quite horrified and used the last few wipes cleaning it up, all the while hoping that he would not go again while his diaper was off. While he screamed on the change table, I heard Jamie start wailing again in the background. Great. Hurt again. Well, I couldn't exactly run to his rescue in my current situation, so I hoped it was not serious and I finished changing Micah while both of them continued crying. By the time I emerged into the living room again, Jamie was fine, so that was good. Eventually, I got Micah to sleep in his bouncy chair in the play pen and I left Cody in the living room. Actually, I guess I technically left all of them in the living room. Then I took the cloth diapers to the baby room and organized the change table. It is all a blur to me now. At some point, Mike got home again, and it was not much longer than he said he would be, so that was good.

Cody and Jamie watched out the window as Mike drove the tractor around, moving lumber and who knows what else. I was still on the floor in the baby room organizing baby clothes and beginning to feel antsy that I was not working on my homework. It is due tomorrow. Cody went outside, and I asked Mike to take Jamie out too. He told me if I got Jamie's shoes on I could just send him out. Okay, fine. I can do that. So I grab Jamie, who has locked himself in my bedroom...never a good thing. I found him on my bed with Micah's soother in his mouth. Wonderful. I took the soother away and was greeted with an unmistakable odor. Jamie had definitely pooped. So, I pick up all 26.5 pounds of him and lug him to the change table, despite his verbal and physical protests. I changed him and took him to the door and begged Mike to come and get him because I desperately needed to use the bathroom myself. Not long after that, I abandoned my task in the baby room in favor of doing some homework while I was "alone" in the house. I picked up my laptop and sat down, and then Micah started to cry. Then I heard a loud blast from the bouncy chair. This was a tell-tale sign that I would not be able to ignore his cries and hope he returned to sleep. I then got him and changed yet another poopy diaper and brought him back to the living room to feed him. He is now on my lap, relaxed but not asleep, and making it very difficult for me to type. I hope he does not puke on me. I have a blanket on just in case, but he spits up a lot these days. He soaked all the hair on the back of his head earlier when he spit up while on the change table (multiple times, I might add), and it was bad enough that he had to have a bath. His eyes are rolling back in his head now, so I think he might want to go back to sleep, though I am not necessarily counting on it.

This is a day in my life right now, and that was only having been left alone for half an hour. What the heck am I going to do when Mike goes back to work? And I am now in another predicament because it seems that my eye is inflamed again and I am on drops every hour. That in itself is not too horrible to deal with, but it means seeing the specialist again, and I dread it. That is a story too long to type right now, but I will say that I have an appointment to see him next Tuesday in town, and usually it is at least a two hour wait before getting in. That means I have to sit in a cramped waiting room with a newborn for two hours or more, waiting to see a doctor that I really don't like. If I could opt out, I would, but this is a serious condition that I have and to leave it untreated could have serious and permanent consequences. So, being that he is the only ophthalmologist in the whole city, I have no choice but to see him. Actually, last time he refused to see me because he was not on call and I was sent to the big city instead, nearly three hours away. That was when Jamie was 9 months old and Cody was not even 2 1/2. I may end up in a similar situation this time, but I sincerely hope not. He did refuse to take me on a referral once again, but then he called me and said to come on Tuesday. So, that will begin another saga. I will have to see him, then in mid-September I will have to haul all three boys to the big city so that Cody can see his specialist there. I hate all these appointments.

I asked Mike yesterday, why is it that all these moms that I know are okay with taking all three of their kids to the grocery store at once, or just out on any kinds of errands but I am scared spitless to do the same. Is there something wrong with me? But then I realized that my kids are extremely close together, and for me to take three out in public at once is practically impossible. Not impossible, but insane. That is a better word for it. Seriously, what would I even do if Cody needed to use the bathroom? How and where would I contain both Jamie and Micah while I helped Cody? I suppose I should ask myself whether that will actually improve with age or not. Once they are all a little older I will have a different sort of dilemma in that they are all boys. I can't go into the men's bathroom with them, but I can't really take them into the women's either...but I don't really want my young boys in a public bathroom by themselves, without a parent...Yikes. Well, these are dilemmas for the future, not for now. No sense worrying about something that I can't deal with yet, right?

Anyway, I have a baby falling asleep in my arms, smiling periodically, but I also have a roast in the oven that needs checking, and I have an awful lot of work left to do on my homework, so I am a little bit stressed. I must confess though, I am not terribly anxious to put Micah down. I have hardly cuddled him today and he is so sweet right now. You should see his little smile. (It is not a conscious thing. His eyes are not even open, but it is adorable nonetheless.) So, looks like I should sign off for now. Maybe I can coerce Mike into peeling potatoes so that I can do some homework. Time is getting away on me here. I am procrastinating. I'm good at it.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Holding On and Letting Go

I have been thinking today about life and how right from the first few weeks of life it is one big struggle for independence, either for the baby or the parent. I guess I was thinking about it because I am a big believer in teaching my babies how to self-sooth and to fall asleep without me nursing them or rocking them every time. I'm not talking about letting them cry it out when they are only a few weeks old, but just taking small measures to teach them to fall asleep on their own. I make it a habit to put them down when they are still awake so that they fall asleep without depending on me, or a swing, or even a bouncy chair, though I do make exceptions now and again! It works, or it has worked for my babies anyway. My first two both slept through the night consistently by 8 weeks old, and I am hoping that Micah will do the same.

The irony of my situation is that in my zeal to train my baby to sleep well, I might miss out on some precious baby moments. The thing is, during the day I do want some space and I don't want to always have to hold him, but sometimes in the evenings or even during the day I really want him to sleep on me. He does fall asleep in our arms, and I really like it, but there's always this nagging in the back of my mind that I should be careful not to do that all the time or he won't learn to sleep well. It made me realize that there is a bit of a catch 22 situation here. On the one hand, he will only be a newborn once, and I really want to hold him and cuddle him and enjoy this time while it lasts. On the other hand, the sleep habits that I teach him now will determine how he sleeps for literally the rest of his life. So, I guess it is about balance. My challenge is to soak up as much of this newborn baby stage as I can without sabotaging his or our sleep in the process.

Don't worry, I am making it sound so dramatic, but it really is not. I cuddle Micah lots, but there is a part of me that would love to just sit and hold him for hours on end, but I know I can't do that all the time. It just made me think about how there is a weaning process that almost begins at birth, even in really small ways. I guess that's because we are not made to be dependent on our parents forever. As soon as we become parents we want to hold on to our children, but almost from the very beginning we are being slowly trained to let them go. And now, having typed all that, I am acutely aware of the emptiness of my arms at the moment. Micah is in his bouncy chair after a very fussy evening, but he is stirring now and will be waking up very soon to eat. Funny how I just want to hold him now that I have said all of that. He really is sweet and adorable, and I love him so much already, just as I knew I would. I think it's time to hold him now. I feel so bitter-sweet right now. Life just seems to fly by too quickly, and even though Micah is barely two weeks old I know that he will grow up in a flash before my very eyes and I will long for these days once again. So, even when things are difficult I will try to remember how precious this time is and I will try to hold all of my boys before they are all too busy for hugs and cuddles.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

We Are Officially Rednecks...

Okay, so on Thursday evening, Mike took a load of stuff to the dump in the back of his dad's truck. He had done a bunch of cleaning and organizing in the shed, so there were a few things that needed to be thrown away. I am always glad to get rid of some more of the junk that is around this place, seeing we have dealt with so many "leftovers" from the previous land owner. Imagine my surprise when Mike arrived back from the dump a while later with more stuff than he had taken to throw away! He brought home four mountain bikes that someone had thrown away. To me, if someone threw them away it means that they are no good anymore. To Mike, this was seen as an opportunity to take the four bikes and try to use various parts from each of them to get one or two functioning bicycles.

Well, yesterday was the big day, and Mike did a lot of work out there and by the end of the day he announced to me that he had three bikes that worked, and one that was still useless. Wouldn't you know it, the only one that did not work was the only woman's bike. The others are two men's bikes and a youth bike. Hm. Oh well. So, I took Micah outside to check out our new rides, after the other boys were in bed. Mike took Micah for me and I took the smaller men's bike for a spin. Yikes. Okay, first of all, perhaps it was a little soon to ride a bike. I will be waiting a few more weeks before I try that again. But, aside from the fact that I just delivered a baby, that was the most awkward feeling bike I have ever ridden. I don't even know how to describe the angle that I was sitting at. After I returned from my very short, very spastic trek, I informed Mike that it was NOT a very nice bike. He responded in shock. His exact words were, "What are you talking about?? That's the best one!" Well, there's another strike against acquiring your bikes at the local dump. At any rate, I assured him that I would try it again once my body could handle it. We shall see how that goes.

This entry has taken me all day because I forgot that I was in the middle of it. This is the worst time of the day right now. Jamie is looking for trouble, Micah is getting fussy and we have booted Cody outside. He has been very snarky lately, and has also taken to talking like a baby. Today he punched Jamie. I have never seen him do that before. So, I think we're in for some rough months with Cody. Jamie is still not too bad, but it won't be long before he gets into those "twos" that everyone talks about.

Anyway, I have a headache that has been with me for most of the day, so I am going to sign off here for now. I may be back tomorrow.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Crazy weekend.

Well, we had an eventful weekend. Hm. I don't even remember what we did on Friday. All I know is that it was the last day my Mom was here. Well, she left on Saturday morning. I was sad to see her go, but I knew she couldn't stay forever. Since then, things have been somewhat crazy. We went to a party on Saturday, which was good but difficult. I guess it was only difficult for me. Mike went boating with the guys but I stayed with the girls at the house. That left me in charge of all three boys. I had many offers of help from the girls, but I was still overwhelmed. Everyone was more than happy to hold Micah, which was great, but my troubles began around supper time, which is typical. I am going to skip the details here, but let's just say that everything always happens all at once, and I had a bit of a crisis with Cody right when Micah started wailing because he wanted to eat. I had to deal with Cody first and then I had to go hide in a room to feed Micah, but that left Cody and Jamie unsupervised out there somewhere. There were lots of people around, but nobody specifically watching Jamie, which stressed me out. I got overwhelmed and ended up crying when I finally got Micah into a quiet room. I guess technically there were many moments at the party where I almost cried. That is because I am still an emotional basket case. I knew Mike would be gone for hours, and they didn't even leave until 4 p.m. for the lake. Anyway, I survived, and it was really nice to see my friends and to let them meet Micah.

Then yesterday we got really crazy and packed up all the boys and headed for the big city, 2 1/2 hours away. We took them to see my Grandma, which was nice except that Micah got really fussy there and I had to feed him, which cut into my Grandma's time with him. I was kind of stressed at that point, but I guess that's just me. We went to see Mike's sister and her family at that time and to meet their new baby. He is ten days younger than Micah, and they are less than a pound different in size, so it was pretty cute to see them together. They have four boys, and we have three, so we put all seven boys on the couch together and got some pictures. We were there quite late. I fed Micah at 6:44 p.m. and once I was done we packed up and left. I didn't figure there was any way we'd make it back home before I needed to feed him again, but by some miracle, we did. Jamie didn't fall asleep until almost 10 p.m. in the van, and Cody was not much earlier than that. We got home about 10:30 and I fed Micah exactly four hours after his last feeding. I am very tired today, and should be napping right now, but thought I'd do a post first.

Now Jamie is napping and Micah is resting on Mike's chest, and Cody is watching videos on the ipod, so this might be a good time for me to sneak away. Then again, Micah may need to eat again soon. Hm. I think I'm exhausted enough that I might just make it happen anyway.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Long day and I'm wiped out.

I'm still very emotional these days, which is very likely hormonal but made worse by lack of sleep. We took Micah to the doctor today for his 10 day old check up. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 8 ounces, so just one ounce under his birth weight. No wonder he still looks so tiny to me! He is still a whole pound smaller than Jamie was when he was born. The doctor said that he is very strong, and everything looked quite good. He is now 22 1/4 inches long, which supports the fact that he was born 22 inches long, not 21 1/2 , as they originally measured. (The nurse was never confident in that measurement and figured he was longer than 21 1/2 inches. She re-measured him the next day and thought then that he was 22 inches long.) Anyway, my doctor was very nice and he truly is a very compassionate man. He was very concerned to know how I was doing, and even told me that if I needed to ask him anything I could call and leave a message and he would get back to me, so not to feel that I am alone. I thought that was really nice of him.

I was upset this evening because I had a bit of a rough time with Cody. He seemed to be in a bratty mood for some reason, and was begging to be disciplined. He was basically taunting me by disobeying continually, hoping to get me to my breaking point. Then, I was changing Micah, who had done a huge poop, when he suddenly let loose and peed with his diaper off. Well, this was the second time he had done this today, but the first time was in the morning and I was just as glad because I wanted him to have a bath and Mike had already filled the baby tub when Micah peed all over the change table. So, that time it was no big deal because he was going to have a bath before his doctor's appointment anyway. This evening was different. Unfortunately, he was pointing the wrong way, and the pee shot all up his body and all over his face. Mike was out at the dump and my Mom was in the living room on the phone with my dad. I called her, but she did not hear me. I started crying because I was so disturbed that he had pee on his face...especially in light of his eye issues this week. (Maybe I mentioned it, but he has had very weepy eyes, one in particular, and it has had a lot of pus too, which has been very gross.) I was scared that this would make things worse for him. His poopy diaper had a puddle of pee on the outside of it, and I was so upset. Plus, his belly button was bleeding, and that disturbed me too. My mom eventually heard me calling, and she came and filled the baby tub and consoled me while she was at it. I just couldn't stop crying. I know it was irrational, but I just couldn't take any more today. Poor Micah was screaming and I felt horrible for him.

Anyway, we got him cleaned up and fed, and wrapped in a cozy sleeper and blankets, and he was happy after that. My mom held him for a long time, and he was awake but content. Then he started rooting a bit, and it was hilarious because he then latched onto her chin and sucked on it. It was so cute, but hilarious too. She got a hicky on her chin! What a funny baby.

Other than my emotionally fragile state, I am doing all right today. The nursing is going better, and I don't know whether that's because I'm healing up or whether it's because I freeze myself prior to each feeding. Either way, I'll take any improvement I get, whether it's real or imagined. It is nice to not cry in agony each time he eats. He is getting faster at it too, which is nice. His last feeding early this morning lasted all of 12 or 13 minutes and then he conked out, so I didn't even have to make any special efforts to settle him. All in all, he is a very good baby, and he does not cry all that often. Evenings with Cody and Jamie were always spent doing a lot of soothing as they screamed and cried. We don't have evenings like that with Micah so far. Mostly he just sleeps. Can't really complain about that, can I?!

Oh, and I think we are officially rednecks now, because Mike came home from the dump with four mountain bikes, which he tells me he is pretty sure he can turn into two functional bikes. I guess that's better than the time that he came home from the dump with a rusty old crib which he actually thought I was going to use for Jamie when he was born. Ha! I made him take it right back to the dump. The bikes might work though, who knows? I have not seen them. Maybe it's best that I don't until they are in usable condition.

The only other news that I have is that I have another new nephew, who was born this morning. I will not put any details in here in case someone reads this before hearing from them in person, but that means the fifth and final baby in our family baby boom has officially been born. That's five since the beginning of April. Two girls and three boys. Crazy, eh? It would be fun to get a picture of them all together. Maybe that will happen some time.

So, I am nearly frozen now and I must wake up my baby to feed him so that I can hopefully get some sleep tonight. I had a nap today, but I am still very over tired. I will try to post tomorrow again. Goodnight.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Life with a new baby

Today, Micah is 9 days old. I am slowly adjusting to life with three boys. Micah continues to be a good baby, and even did one six hour stretch between feedings last night and then a four hour one after that. Really I only had to get up once last night, it's just that I fed him at 4:30 a.m. and it took until 6:30 a.m. to settle him once again. Mike did that part, thankfully. Micah was really quite upset, and we have not had to deal with much of that so far, so it was a little bit rough, but I am still amazed that I only had to get up once to feed him. Of course I had to feed him again at 8:30 a.m., but that is nothing for a newborn so I cannot complain. Feeding him continues to be a painful process, but there has been marked improvement in the last 24 hours, so I am not nearly as discouraged about it. In addition, my Mom is here now, and that helps me in many ways.

Right now, Mike is gone with Cody to town. They left about ten minutes ago and will likely be gone until supper time. They are getting groceries and a couple of other items. Jamie is down for his nap, as of about 20 minutes ago. My Mom is now resting too, and Micah is sleeping in his bouncy chair. I would love to nap, but I can't do it yet because Micah will be due to eat within about half an hour. If he settles right after that, I will go to bed too. I am tired, but not like I was the day I came home from the hospital. I had the shakes so bad for a couple of days. Now I am up and about most of the day, but right now I could fall asleep sitting up. I am still very nervous to feed Micah, but I do believe that I am healing up and that he is getting better at it, so hopefully it will not be unpleasant for either of us for much longer.

Micah had a bath today, which was quite overdue in my opinion! I'm pretty sure we bathed our other babies every day, but they say not to do that. With Micah it has been closer to every three or four days, which is what the nurses said to do. He puked on himself really badly this morning, so I asked Mike if he would bath him. He went and got the bath stuff ready while I was changing Micah's diaper. Micah was really quite hysterical, but then when he was buck naked on the change table and I was getting his new diaper ready, he suddenly got very calm and relaxed. I knew what was coming next, but I did not make any move to prevent it. He peed all over himself and the change table. Hehe. Then he got REALLY upset, and was laying there kicking in a puddle of pee. We had to mop him up with paper towels and then send him off for his bath. Now he is fresh and clean, and wearing a very cute, brand new baby outfit. He just let out a little cry, but did not wake up. I am still so nervous to feed him!

Anyway, that's the update for now. I have no more energy to write any more at the moment. I'm too tense anticipating the moment when he wakes up for good and I have to freeze myself while he screams... Here's hoping I can be pain free within a day or two.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

4:50 in the morning...

I'm up feeding Micah again. I had a very difficult day yesterday and spent most of my evening in tears. Feeding Micah has been so incredibly painful that I've had to resort to using ice packs in my bra prior to each feeding and then bawling my eyes out while he nurses. I have been putting him in a different position and trying hard to make sure he is latching on properly, in hopes for an improvement overnight. Well, I think it may be working. This is still hurting but I didn't cry out in agony when he started. I hope it will continue to get better so that I don't dread feeding him every time anymore.

Micah also seems to have some kind of eye infection, so I may have to high tail it into town in the morning to see a doctor. I don't mind going, but my parents will be here by about 11:30 a.m. so that doesn't give me much time. My grandma has decided not to come because she is afraid she'll find it too tiring. My grandma is 95 and she is awesome. She never complains and she travels a lot, so for her to say that makes me sad. If she says she's not up for it, she really isn't. But she is going away soon, so she will not meet Micah now until he is at least 6 weeks old, I think.

At any rate, I'm glad my parents are coming anyway, and my mom is going to stay for a few days. I am so relieved about that.

Anyway, this one-handed typing is awkward and irritating, so going to sign off. Goodnight.

Monday, August 3, 2009

My Three Boys



In this picture, Cody is 3 1/4 years old, Jamie just turned 19 months old, and Micah is 5 days old. Look at them! Don't you think they're going to be great buddies growing up together?!

Tired, but holding up.

Well, I have been a bit out of the loop lately. I am very tired, and it is hitting me once again right now. It is almost 11 a.m. and I have been up since 6:30 this morning. I couldn't get Micah settled again until about 8 a.m. or shortly after, so I decided not to bother going back to sleep.

Last night was our best yet with Micah. We were all settled in bed before 11 p.m., and he woke up to eat again at 1:30 a.m. So, I fed him, changed him...etc., and got him settled once again by about 2:30 a.m. Oh no, wait, that's not right. He would NOT settle. I finally got Mike to take him because I had already been up from 1:30 til 3. Mike took him and apparently after 40 minutes, he put batteries in the bouncy chair and put Micah in it with the vibration on. He said Micah settled instantly! Then he did not wake up again until 6:30! Wow. So, even though I did not get to sleep until about 3:30, I still got three solid hours of sleep. It was good. Well, for me anyway. Mike couldn't sleep last night, so he is in bed now. Jamie is sleeping, and Micah is still asleep too, since 8 a.m. or so. I'm getting a little stressed about it, actually, because he really should eat again soon. It has been four hours since his second feeding, which was just shortly after 7 a.m.

Anyway, I am still finding feeding him to be incredibly painful, but I think it has improved ever so slightly because now all I do is yell and hyperventilate every time he eats instead of bawling my eyes out for about 10 minutes each time. That's progress, right?

Yesterday I took Micah to town by myself. We did a bit of shopping. I bought some Lilypadz to try out. They are nursing pads, but they stick to you, not your clothing. They are also reusable, so you don't have to keep buying them. They also do not show under your clothes, so you don't look like some kind of lumpy freak. I don't like regular nursing pads, and I hate the way they look and feel. These Lilypadz can even be worn swimming (not that I have anywhere to swim) and they also eliminate the need for a bra at night. Sorry if this is too much information, but I figure there are probably no men reading this blog other than my own husband, so you can probably handle it. I just thought it was an interesting product worth mentioning on here. I also got a new diaper cover, called a Bummis Super Brite. It is cute, and will be an important part of Micah's diaper stash. Once we get going on those, I am going to do some diaper reviews for anyone who is interested.

Anyway, I also bought a blue BumGenius for Micah, seeing I only had yellow and green for Jamie. I had intended on buying pink, but for obvious reasons, I will not be doing that. Haha. The blue is nice though, and as soon as Micah's cord stump comes off I look forward to trying the different diapers on him. We have already used cloth on him, as we have four Kissaluvs fitted diapers that have a special snap at the front so you can snap the front down and it does not irritate the cord stump. (Belly button, for those who have not had babies and don't know what I am talking about. The cord stump usually falls off within a week or two. I can't wait to get rid of it!)

The weather continues to be weird around here. Today the high is only 19, I think, and it is very windy. Some might hate it, for summer, but I love it. To me it is fresh and invigorating. I even did some cleaning this morning, and made some muffins. Okay, so the muffins were from a mix. The point is, I got out of bed and I did something. That was the first time since I came home from the hospital. Again, that is progress.

I am still crying a lot, but I kind of suspect that will be the case for a while yet. Yesterday, Jamie fell off a tricycle and gave himself a black eye. He came into my room and just stood in the doorway, mud smeared down one side of his face, crying with his big puppy dog eyes. Micah was wailing on my lap, and Cody was crying in his room across the hall. (I think he was in a time out or something...) I just looked at Jamie's sad face and I started crying too. So, poor Mike was the only person in the house who was not crying.

And speaking of Mike, he has been running off his feet. Not only does he take care of the older boys for me every day, but he cleans the kitchen and does the diaper laundry, and does the cooking... Yesterday he even baked buns again, and he also made hot fudge sauce in the evening. He was going to back cookies too, but he ran out of steam. So, my husband is awesome, in case anyone didn't know!

Today is officially one week after Micah's birth, so I now will be forcing myself to get more active. I know it sounds pathetic, but I am starting by committing to walking for at least ten minutes a day for this entire week. It doesn't sound like much, but it is more than I could have handled last week. If the weather gets nasty, I will pull out the treadmill. I will also be trying to nap daily, because I still need it. I am very tired even now, but Mike is napping, plus I will have to feed Micah soon. I wonder whether I should wake him up... Maybe he is just really satisfied now that my milk has come in. I don't mind him sleeping for longer stretches, but I do want to make sure that we get to a point where those long stretches are always at night. I'm sure it will take us a few weeks to get that all figured out.

Anyway, I am going to sign off for now. Just wanted to post again to let everyone know that I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I will try to post in here more now that things are starting to get back to "normal". My parents and grandma are supposed to be coming tomorrow to see us, and I asked my mom to stay if she wanted to. I hope she will. That would also help me a lot. I have been sad that she is not here during this time. So, hopefully tomorrow I will have some extra company! And now I'm off. I think I better check on my sleeping baby!!! Bye for now.