Thursday, October 15, 2009

Lonely, but not alone.

It is just after 11:00 at night and I am alone. Well, not really alone. Cody and Jamie are sleeping peacefully in their rooms and Micah is now sleeping in the cradle beside me. Funny how even in the presence of my kids I can feel alone. I suppose that is partly due to the fact that I am the only one in the house in a state of consciousness at the moment. I believe it is also because there is a certain loneliness in being the sole adult responsible for little lives. Would I be equally lonely if I were home alone and I were not a mother? I don't know. Possibly. As I listen to my precious baby breathe beside me I feel a measure of comfort. There is a warmth that fills my soul just knowing my children are safe and asleep, warm and fed in the comfort of their beds. I love them all dearly.

Today was a typical day. Micah did his baby thing, and fussed on and off throughout the day. When he was not fussing, he was perfectly content to hang out in his bouncy chair and observe his older brothers. Cody had a bit of an attitude in the morning, but nothing earth-shattering. I don't remember any specific incidents, so that means the day was not a disaster. Jamie...well, there's that. Okay, Jamie is hitting a very difficult stage. Without getting too detailed, let's just say that he is nearing two years old and he is getting to the point where changing his diaper is very gross. It seems like he should be potty trained, and yet I know he is still quite young for that, especially for a boy. I remember this stage with Cody, and it lasted about a year. Today, Jamie did something terribly gross, and it involved poop. I will not describe the incident, but suffice it to say that I left him in nothing but a diaper and...well, there was an incident. It could have been worse, but it was bad enough. When I found him, his diaper was not really on. Because it's a cloth diaper that does up with snaps, he was not able to fully remove it, but he did manage to pull it down far enough that he had the most severe case of plumber butt possible without being completely naked. Sigh. I don't like this stage. Other than the potty training issues, he is also into everything. Today I caught him trying to brush his hair with the scrub brush that I use for preliminary cleaning of the dishes. This brush is about the most bacteria-laden object in our house, second only to the toilet brush, in my estimation. We don't use it for washing dishes, for that reason, but I use it to scrub them before putting them in the dishwasher, if necessary. I was seriously grossed out by that.

As a rare treat, my sister Andrea came and spent the afternoon here with us. Jamie slept for the first while, and we played Wii. Cody monopolized it, as he tends to do, and because we played all afternoon he had a terribly stinky attitude by supper time. Poor guy. He wasn't really being rebellious exactly, but he was being demanding. I actually felt sorry for him because he was genuinely sad. Jamie was a monster throughout the meal, and I was glad to be able to leave the table to nurse Micah. Mike had to haul Jamie for time outs in his room about five times before Jamie would finally eat his supper. It was quite the battle, and I was incredibly grateful that Mike was willing and able to put forth the effort to win it. And win it he did! I'm pretty sure I would have given in today.

Anyway, the house is silent and I must run to the dryer and start it again. Is there no end to the laundry I must do?? Not that I mind laundry. I really don't, but it does make me feel slightly guilty to be using so much electricity. I wash diapers every single day, and I also usually do at least one load of other laundry as well. Tonight it's the boys' clothing that needs to go through the dryer a second time so that it's dry and ready in the morning. I have already stuffed diapers in preparation for the night, and I have everything I need in my room for Micah. Part of me dreads going to bed because I know I will be getting up in the middle of the night. I know, that makes no logical sense. I also have a stomach ache, so I doubt my ability to get a good sleep even if Micah is good to me. I hope it will be better than the last several weeks. Last night I quit talking in the middle of a sentence and I did not even notice. Mike started laughing and I had no idea why. He told me I had stopped at the word "and", and I had to ask him what I had been talking about. It was only a minute prior, but I had no recollection whatsoever. Wow. Things are going downhill in the brain department.

So, on that note, I guess it is time to turn in. I will run to the laundry room and get the dryer going, and then I shall hit the proverbial hay. Thank goodness our mattresses are NOT made out of hay! I love my mattress, and my 100% cotton sheets! Guess I'm off. Goodnight.

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