Friday, March 5, 2010

The funny farm.

Friday has arrived, and not a moment too soon. Yesterday's events were so insane that I question the wisdom of posting them. On the other hand, this blog is all about the desperation of a housebound mommy of three very young boys. How much fun would it be if I did not describe the goings-on of day to day life around here?

Yesterday morning began with a power failure. When I looked at Mike's clock I assumed Jamie had unplugged it, but before long I figured out that we had no power. This was frustrating to me on so many levels. For one thing, my baby monitor was not working so I don't know how long Micah had been awake at that point. I was also upset because I was anxious to see whether my mentor had marked my latest assignment, and our internet was not accessible without the power. So, I got up and fed Micah. That is always the first order of business, unless he sleeps late, that is. The other two had been on the loose for a short time, since Mike had left for work.

Please understand that while I am feeding Micah, I have to resign myself to the fact that I am somewhat powerless to deal with the other two, so I tend to go into a voluntary and much welcome state of denial. Sort-of a "I'll deal with it later" kind of mentality. I know, this is not wise in my current circumstances, but sometimes I don't know how else to get my baby fed. If I had a straight jacket for each of them and a padded room, I might be better off, but so far I have nothing of the sort.

So, I finished feeding him and emerged from my room, carrying him. The first thing I noticed were dark brown, roundish-things all over the floor. My first thought was that they were bunny turds, but poor Oreo is living downstairs for the time-being, so I knew that was not it. Next thought...chocolate chips? I kicked one tentatively. It didn't roll like a chocolate chip. I kept walking to Micah's room. Ah. Raisins. Of course. I changed Micah and then carried him down the hall toward the kitchen and living room. Did I say raisins? I meant a whole bag of raisins. At first they were scattered like Hansel and Gretel's trail of bread crumbs in the forest, but soon they were distributed in piles, all over the carpet and also the kitchen floor. The open bag was sitting on the floor as well. I was upset, of course. Not surprised, but definitely upset. After all, raisins cost money and here they all were, mostly inedible.

When I rounded the corner toward the shoe area at the front door my heart nearly stopped. Suddenly the raisins did not seem like a big deal at all. The boys were sitting with a sugar bowl between them, eating white sugar out of it. Okay, that doesn't sound so bad, right? The problem was not that they were going to ruin their teeth or even their appetites. The problem was that they were using extremely sharp, serrated knives to dip in the sugar and they were eating off of them. I shouted some things that I shouldn't have said, but I could not stop myself. I did not spare them the description of the possibility of them cutting off their tongues. Normally I try not to tell them the worst case scenarios in case I traumatize them or give them nightmares. This time I kind of hoped to inspire the same amount of horror at the situation that I was feeling. Maybe then these types of incidents would cease to happen. Of course, Cody assured me that it was Jamie who had acquired the knives. He was right, and I knew it. There was a chair pushed to the counter by the knife blocks, and I felt like screaming. Is nothing sacred in this house??? Okay, I forgot to mention that Cody also had chocolate all over his face. That was from the chocolate chips that he stole out of a very high cupboard and ate in his bed, which was subsequently covered in chocolate smears. Lovely. I chose not to launder the sheets. I thought perhaps I should let him stew in his chocolatey blankets. In a way, I was almost jealous. Okay, maybe not. I would much rather eat chocolate than sleep in it. Either way, it was only about 8:30 in the morning and already I was at the end of my rope.

Jamie was enjoying a game consisting of opening the front door and running outside in his pajamas and bare feet. I know the weather is getting milder, but it is still below zero out there. I then specifically told both boys not to open the door anymore because we had no heat due to the power outage. Immediately Jamie opened the door and shot me a devious grin, then ran outside. I was livid. He is terribly cute, but I cannot describe him as innocent anymore. Not even close, really. He had many lengthy time outs in his crib yesterday and by lunch time I was a bear. Maybe I was a bear as soon as I saw the knives, I don't know. I was so angry I was tempted to toss all of our baking goods out the patio doors because I can't think of a way to stop the boys from invading them. I don't even know what to do about the knife blocks. I really think the only solution is to lock the kitchen chairs in my bedroom at all times except for meal times. Maybe that would help. And the high chair too, I guess. This morning Jamie had moved one into the bathroom while I was feeding Micah and he took two bottles of bubble stuff and emptied both of them on Micah's carpet. I also found a spray bottle of Mr. Clean on the floor. So, yes, I know that makes me a horrible mother. Honestly, I had that stuff so high in the bathroom I really didn't think it would ever be an issue. Obviously it will have to come out of that bathroom altogether. There were only a few drops left in that bottle, thankfully, but it still freaked me out.

Too Much Information Warning: Probably the highlight of my day (sarcasm here) was when I was in the middle of dealing with a gross toddler diaper. My regular readers know I use cloth diapers, so without giving too much detail I will just say I was in the bathroom using the diaper sprayer on this thing over the toilet, with the door closed and locked, when the power went out again. I yelled a very loud and very emphatic, "HEY!!!", thinking that the boys had shut off the light on me. Then I remembered that this bathroom has the switch on the inside of the room. I knew I was in trouble then. How do you spray a poopy diaper off in complete darkness? I was able to reach back and open the door to let in a small amount of light. At that point the choice was between leaving it soaking wet and half done, or trying to finish without the benefit of the light to help me aim everything into the toilet. All right, maybe I gave a little more detail than I should have. Suffice it to say, I continued the spraying, and even though the lights came on before I was finished, the damage was done. Ew. Perhaps one of my grossest cloth diapering moments. I went on muttering for a long time after that about how it is worth it, even though there are gross aspects of it. I still believe that, but those moments are dreaded nonetheless.

So, that was yesterday. Today was equally busy, but not as deadly. I still was ready to go off like an atomic bomb by 10 in the morning, but somehow I held it together. Perhaps that was only because the piano tuner was due to arrive between 10:30 and 11 a.m. He came, and with the patience of a saint he listened to Cody talk for two and a half hours while he tried to tune the piano. And tune it he did. It sounds and feels wonderful once again.

Now the boys are in bed, with the exception of Micah, who is happily playing on the floor in the living room. He cut his very first tooth yesterday. Today he woke up with a yucky cough, and still he is the very sweetest person in this house! He has not slept through the night for three nights now, but I knew there was a tooth on the way. Now there is sickness too, but hopefully it won't get too bad.

I have nothing more to report for now. I hope to consume stovetop popcorn and watch a cozy movie later on. I doubt the movie will happen, but if not, I will be engaging in the world of Super Mario on the Wii. It will probably make me more mad than entertained, but that's all part of the video gaming world if you have my personality type. I'm off for now.

No comments: