Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Burnout.

Today was rough again. I am wondering if perhaps I am in burnout. I seem to be unable to handle the smallest things with my boys right now, and there are many things that are much bigger than small, so those are just about putting me right over the edge. Cody seems to be in a very rebellious stage, though he alternates with periods of extreme sweetness and a great attitude. Jamie is looking for trouble anywhere he can find it, and is now enjoying flaunting it a bit for me. I think he enjoys the challenge of taking things that are off limits or doing something he knows will bug me. This morning he took three packets of Lipton's soup to his room and opened one to pour out on Cody's bed, which could also accurately be labeled as a feeding trough. Imagine how disappointed he was when it didn't taste sugary like the oatmeal packets he has stolen in the past. Today I ranted that I am going to eliminate all food in this house because I am tired of it all getting stolen. Sadly, Mike is out on a huge grocery shopping spree even as I type this, so tomorrow we will be overflowing with food. That is, until the boys find it and dump it.

Today Jamie screamed at Cody "I hate that!", when Cody was screaming at him to leave his toys alone. (Well not really toys. His barricade, which he built out of furniture, mostly. My boys don't care about their toys. Only our stuff. Especially if it is sharp, breakable, sticky, or in any way dangerous.) I am horrified that Cody has taught Jamie to scream about his "hate". I am even more horrified that I taught Cody to use the word "hate". I know it is my fault, though I NEVER use it to refer to another person. I know I have said it about situations though, without even thinking about it. Just like that, here we are. My boys both know the word hate, and know how to use it with such passion. Yesterday I asked Cody if he would like me to put soap in his mouth to clean out all the dirty words. (Nothing really serious, just "hate", and "darnit" which he actually uses as an insult. Great. I will be up for another Mother of the Year Award.) He said to me, "No, because then I will poop it out!" Good grief.

You see, I am struggling here, and in my struggling I am not only suffering, my children are suffering too. I feel terrible about all of it. I want to crawl in a hole and hide for a long time. I want to borrow the technology of the "cone of silence", from Get Smart. I just want to get through a day without being enraged at my kids, but lately it is not happening. I am at a loss. I want to call the Supernanny, except I'd be embarrassed at what a terrible job I am doing these days.

I had another rant today that I will not be buying any more toys because my kids aren't interested in toys. They want to take things that do not belong to them and play with those. I mean things that are not toys. Amazingly, I can't think of an example right now, even though I spent the entire day chasing Jamie and removing objects from his hands. Okay, the batteries from the TV remote. There's an example.

So, I know I don't paint a pretty picture, but this is me right now. This is my life. Today I cleaned the toilets and accidentally splashed myself severely with toilet water. Before the toilet was cleaned. Perfect. Baptized in eau de toilette.

Gotta go. Mike's home with the groceries and it's almost 11 p.m. Time to put them away and get to bed. We're both exhausted.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Cheryl! It's me, Candy, Heidi's friend, I met you at O square ranch while you were engaged to Mike, I was at your wedding, saw you and Mike at Brandon fair when I was visiting Monique years and years ago, does any of this ring a bell? Well, I hope you remember me. I now live in Georgia, and I have 3 sons as well. I am married to a crazy awesome Jewish boy named Nathan and I kinda have grown a southern drawl. We have a 3 year old named Zeke, a 2 year old named Neo, and a 8 month year old baby named Kiah. I love your blog!! Our sons do the same stuff, and you articulate life well. May I just say that Super Nanny would be proud of you and she would sit down and ask for tips from you. I know exactly what you mean feeling burnt out. I just love raising mischievious little boys, but it can ware me out!!! But half the time I am doing so much better than I think. The enemy accuses us moms night and day, but he's a liar. We are actually doing one phenomanal job!!!! Toddlers and babys are not easy, totatlly way challenging, and I fight feeling defeated a lot of the time. Yet, when I tuck their little cute butts in bed and the house is quiet, I am ridiculously tired and all I want is a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate, I sigh in relief, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, it's all worth it! Thought two is that I can't have a glass of wine, I am pregnant. Oh yeah baby, I am having baby number four, maybe it's a girl! Man, raising kids is not easy, but it's the most wonderfully wonderful job on the entire planet, and I have a ravishing love for these kids of mine. For they are a mirror to my personal life and they encourage me to keep growing daily.

Write me back, I would LOVE to hear from you.
Candy

CAT said...

Hey Candy, yes I do remember you! How exciting to hear from you, and I can't believe how much we have in common. (Well, except for the pregnant part! I'm actually not for once!) Too bad you're so far away. I'm glad you like my blog. It's nice to have another reader, and especially one who can so totally relate to the craziness of boys...especially three ages three and under. I'm just past that now, with Cody being four, but yours must have very similar age differences to mine. Congrats on the fourth. That will add even more spice to your already spicy life! When are you due? Thanks so much for your encouragement. It is so nice to have other moms who can totally relate!

I actually think of you often. Remember you gave us a giant stuffed dog as part of our wedding gift because we weren't allowed pets in our apartment? Well, our boys now play with it every day. Incidentally, I now have a real, live dog. And a rabbit. And two cats. And I'm finally getting my horse! Anyway, looking forward to chatting back and forth with you. If you want, send me a comment with your email address and I'll email you. I won't publish the comment with your address.