Friday, May 21, 2010

Unbaked Muffins

It's a cloudy, rainy day, but it feels refreshing to me. It has been a crazy week, but I guess that's a ridiculous statement. How could it be anything but crazy here?

Jamie woke up before 7 a.m., though amazingly, Cody slept in. I had gone out to a movie last night in town, which is almost unheard of. I think it has been over a year since I went to the theater. Oh wait, that's not true. I went when I was overdue with Micah. I have not been since he was born, and he turns ten months old in a week. Anyway, I was not home until midnight and Micah was awake and very upset when I got home, so I didn't get settled until closer to 1 a.m. It was fun to get out though.

So this morning I heard Jamie and I did the denial thing. I tried to ignore the sound of him doing his Jamie thing, but it was anything but relaxing. With Jamie, the possibilities are endless as far as what kind of disaster he will cause, but part of me thought Mike would deal with him because he had to get up for work anyway. I was very disoriented from fatigue so I was quite perplexed to discover that Mike was not in bed. Let me back up and say that when I first glanced at the clock I thought it said 8:55 a.m., and I was feeling pretty guilty about still being in there. I had to run into the kitchen to check on Jamie and the clocks in there all said 6:55 a.m. Then I was really confused because for the life of me I could not figure out where my husband was. I could see it had been raining, so it seemed unlikely he was out golfing, though in the summers he often gets up early and goes before work or before the boys are up. I called his cell, and sure enough he was golfing. He just forgot to tell me.

Soon, all the boys were on my bed with me and I was feeding Micah. My next mistake was assuming that Jamie had been changed this morning because his pajama bottoms did not match his pajama top. I asked him if he had pooped and he said no. I left it at that. When I came out to the kitchen it was closer to 8 a.m. The first thing I found was that Jamie had removed the lid from a giant can of iced tea powder and had poured a bunch on the floor in front of the fridge. He was apparently eating it by the spoonful. My fuse is so short these days I'm not entirely sure I even have one. I don't even remember my reaction, but it was not pretty, I can tell you that. I kicked them out of the kitchen, though I knew they needed to eat badly. There were also two muffin mixes on the floor. I thank God they did not get opened, though obviously not for lack of trying on Jamie's part. That would have really upset me. I decided to bake muffins for breakfast. (Yes, for me making muffins is all about the joy of adding water and stirring and then being done. This morning I made an extra effort and made the ones that needed eggs added as well. But I'll get to that in a minute.)

So, Micah was in his exersaucer in the living room and I mixed the muffins. Cody insisted on being part of it and was my egg cracker. He's actually good at it, so I usually let him do it now. Jamie was deeply offended by this because I refused to let him crack one. He made it very clear how he felt about the matter. Then (and here we may get into too much information, so consider yourself warned), he told me he had an owie bum, and wouldn't you know it, his previous statement about not having pooped was completely false. So, I had to take him to change him, and it was not good. His bum was very red and so sore I could not clean him up properly without hurting him, so it was time for the shower. Did I mention that the muffins were mixed but just sitting on the counter? I did not have time to put them in the tin and in the oven prior to dealing with Jamie. So, I carried a half-naked, hysterical two-year-old to the bathtub and put him in. Then I showered him while he screamed and backed into a corner the whole time. I felt horrible. I finally got him dressed and very creamed. Oh wait, he was not dressed. He was in a disposable diaper and he then added a denim jacket to the ensemble. Here's where it gets gross. I had to go deal with the diaper, and for those who know me or follow my blog, you know we use cloth. I will be the first to admit that toddler poop and cloth diapers are a gross combination, though I still feel it's worth it. Anyway, I had to spray this diaper, and I kind of stewed as I did, leaning over the toilet, contemplating the meaning of my life. I had to administer a time out for Cody as I did that, and made him sit in the doorway as I sprayed the diaper that would not come clean. The time out was a bust, seeing I could not even make eye contact or touch Cody in my current predicament. I finished up and got washed up and then had to drag him to his room for whatever terrible offense he had committed while I was busy with poop. (The word "poop" is just not sufficient to grasp the substance or the atmosphere in the house, but I will leave it at that.)

Once I finished dealing with Cody I came out to find Jamie playing with the egg shells that Cody and I had left on the counter. I shouted at him to put them down before he dripped egg all over the floor and I then carried a distraught Micah to the kitchen and stuck him in the high chair, seeing he was sick of being in the exersaucer. The muffin mix was looking a little off and I was anxious to get the darn things in the oven seeing it was now around 9 a.m. and none of us had eaten yet. Well, except for Micah, of course. That's when I saw the egg carton on the floor. It was not the empty one that I had given to Jamie earlier to play with. It was full. I opened it to find all the eggs intact, but two were missing. I had used one in the muffins from that carton. The other space was a problem. I turned my head and sure enough, the egg shells that Jamie had been playing with were in fact a whole egg. Or should I say an egg with a hole? Some of it was still in the shell, but a lot was on the floor. I think I might have screamed. The words, "Go to your room! Both of you! NOW!" were at least a part of what came out of my mouth. A bewildered Cody protested and said, "But Mom, Jamie did that. I didn't take the eggs!" I told him I was aware of that, but I needed them both to go to their rooms before I blew up. So I cleaned up the mess, but not before they returned, whining about being hungry, which set me off again. I began a rant about of course they were hungry! I am trying to make these blasted muffins for breakfast, but I'm never going to finish them! Can't I just put the stinkin' things in the tin already so they can go in the oven, which has been preheated for about an hour now?!  At which point I said, nevermind. I gave them each a bowl of mini wheats and finished making the muffins in peace. Okay, peace is the wrong word. I am pretty sure I was muttering the whole time about iced tea and poop and broken eggs and fighting boys, but I did finish them with no further interruptions.

By the time I started my breakfast it was 10 a.m. Now it's 12:40 p.m. and I don't know whether to feed them lunch or not seeing we had such a late breakfast. They are outside playing nicely and Micah is asleep, so the part of me that desires to maintain even a modicum of sanity is begging my practical mothering instincts to back off and forget about lunch. Everything is fine. Everyone is happy. For the moment. Isn't that enough? I think we should stretch this out as long as possible.

I didn't even mention that Jamie was wandering around outside in his pjs in bare feet (did I mention it rained here?) carrying an ice cream pail with Mike's expensive sunglasses in it this morning, before anyone else was up. He is amazing. Really.

But all in all, today is a much better day than I had the rest of the week. I had to apologize to the boys for losing my cool this morning, and we had a good talk, so I think we're okay for the moment. Tonight I take Cody to T-ball, so hopefully that will be fun. It kind of makes me nervous, even though it shouldn't.

Well, it's 1:11 p.m. and the boys are quietly eating their peanut butter and jam sandwiches and enjoying some cold iced tea...in its proper form. Ahem. I have eaten and the house is incredibly quiet for being full of little boys. If only I could capture this silence in a bottle and open it once in a while when I needed it. Amazingly, I have a lot more to say, but this is getting a little lengthy for a blog post, so I will refrain for now. It is Friday, and a long weekend at that. I will probably post over the weekend too. Micah is waking up. Time to sign off.

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