Friday, January 28, 2011

Friday at last.

After a week such as the one I have just had, it is hard to believe I have even survived. Today was not the worst day, though it certainly had its moments. Like this morning, when Jamie removed Micah's pyjama bottoms and diaper and then Micah peed on the carpet. Or, when Jamie climbed onto the speaker beside the TV and knocked the main speaker off the top of the TV. But neither of those were as bad as earlier this week, when Jamie removed Micah's diaper and pants when Micah had a poop in there. Micah got it all over his hands and smeared it on our recliner. That was not my most shining moment of motherhood. Or when Jamie painted my clock purple. All of it. Including the face. Or when Jamie stole the chocolate chips and ate a bunch in his bed, getting chocolate everywhere and putting it up each nostril.

Are you beginning to get the picture of my dwindling sanity? Notice that Jamie's name comes up in every incident. What is it with three year olds anyway? Jamie is currently trying to shock his tongue with a nine volt battery. Don't worry, it's harmless, but the point is that he wants to do it. I'm assuming by his reaction that the battery is dead. He seems disappointed.

Cody certainly gives me his fair share of trouble too. We have had countless time outs and many fights this past two weeks. I have come to the realization that I need to get out of here. Badly. I'm pretty sure that nothing less than two weeks away would cure me, or even help me. If I had money to burn, I would check in to a hotel immediately. Alone. I would take my laptop, and maybe a movie or a book. I would enjoy a full weekend of quiet. I would not use the phone. I would order Chinese food and there would be a hot tub in my room for my relaxation. Once I de-toxed a bit from the insanity of my week, (life), I would work on my writing. Uninterrupted. I cannot describe how badly I want to do this. Obviously I can't, but somehow even the thought of it comforts me.

Tomorrow I have a baby shower for my sister. That will take me out of the house for several hours by myself, so that is good. Not that I will be alone, but I will not have my kids with me, and not only do I need a break from them, I am pretty sure they need a break from me too. It can't be healthy for kids to watch their mother unraveling faster and faster before their very eyes.

I'm on the home stretch now. Mike will be home within an hour, and the boys will be in bed within three to four hours. Ah. I can feel it now. The peace. The quiet. The headache. Yes, I usually have one every evening these days. Here's hoping tonight is an exception. It would be fun to have a pizza night. I miss pizza. I don't remember the last time I had pizza. Maybe some time in December?

Now I'm rambling, so it's time to go. Happy Friday, everyone.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thursday already?

For those who were wondering, my toe is doing much better, thank you. I get the occasional pain when I bend it the wrong way, but other than that it is really not bothering me anymore. It is not such a pretty color anymore either. Haha. And no, I was not walking the ridgepole of anybody's roof at the time of the incident. However, I still hold to the belief that Anne Shirley was entirely justified in doing what she did, and I would like to think that in her place I would have done the same. Breaking one's toe is vastly different from breaking a wrist, ankle or any other larger bone in the body. Unless it's the big toe. Big toes are not good to break. I have done that before too, and had difficulty fitting my foot into my shoes.

Anyway, this has been a busy week, hence my lack of posts in here. I think I have been out every day this week until today, but honestly, I can't even remember. Monday is what's giving me trouble. Hm. Either way, today is my first day at home in a while and so far I have spent it cleaning like crazy. If Oprah's clean-up-your-messy-house-tour stopped in here right now, they would not know I had done any cleaning at all. Lucky for me, her tour is over. This is one of those days when I have been running all morning but it feels like I have not moved forward at all. I just started my third load of laundry, and the dishwasher is full and running, but there is popcorn all over the floor and the entire toy bin has been emptied into the living room on the floor. That is going to present a bit of a problem when I want to do my workout. That's supposed to be in half an hour. The boys are now cleaning it up...a small miracle. We'll see how they do.

Yesterday I went to the dentist for the first time in forever. I was nervous about cavities. I have never had a cavity, and I was not having any symptoms, but I was still nervous. The dentist took a look at my x-rays and told me I was a bad dental patient. I asked him if it was because I had not been for a checkup in fourteen years. He said it was because there was nothing for him to do with my teeth, which was good news for me, and bad news for him. He was quite funny and nice, and I was thankful. I had no idea what to expect. So, I had an expensive time, but I am relieved that my teeth are in great condition. I must say though, my gums were significantly sore for the rest of the day. They feel fine today though!

Tonight I will have to go out again, as soon as Mike gets home from work. I need to go to town to shop for my sister's baby shower on Saturday. If the roads are okay, I will be doing that.

Looks like I have to sign off. The boys are getting kind of raunchy now, fighting and bothering each other while they are supposed to be cleaning up. Ugh. Only about four more hours until I get to leave, all by myself!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hair cuts all around.

It is nearly 9 a.m. on this Sunday morning and I am sitting at the island counter in the kitchen listening to the soothing sounds of the dishwasher. What is it about that sound that I love so much? Is it the emulation of ocean waves that relaxes me? Or is it just the satisfied feeling I get knowing I have just done all the dishes? Somehow, the house is always more relaxing when it is clean. The boys slept in a little bit this morning so we did not get the usual rude awakening. Maybe that accounts in part for my improved mood. Maybe it is just the knowledge that in an hour or two, Mike is taking all three boys to his parents' place and I get to stay here alone. I only wish it would be for a longer time. There is so much I would like to do, but just the prospect of having two hours of solitude does wonders for my raw nerves.

Yesterday we went for a visit at my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's place. The boys played with their three cousins and all of us got hair cuts. I took before and after shots of the boys, because they were really shaggy. Well, Cody wasn't too bad, but the other two were crazy. Here are a few pics of the hair cuts.

Micah went first, and as soon as I was not holding him, he got upset. I ended up holding him for the whole haircut. I didn't get a shot of the back of his hair, but you can see it was really getting long.

Another shot of Micah before. We tried giving him a ball to distract him, but he didn't stop crying until he was on my lap.

Micah afterwards. Unrecognizable! His curls are gone now. I am sad about that, but he looks much cuter when we can see his eyes!

Jamie before. He is our mop-head. Jamie was born with lots of hair and has always had the thickest and fastest growing hair of all of them. It always sticks up too because he twirls it in his hands all the time. 

Here's Jamie getting sprayed with the water bottle. 

A new Jamie.

Looks like a different kid! He always looks so much smaller with his hair cut!

Cody before. This picture looks like he used to look after a hair cut. Now he likes it really short.

Cody getting sprayed. 

And Cody afterwards, enjoying a treat. He went for a buzz this time around. That ought to last a while!

All in all, we had a nice day. The boys played very well with their cousins and we had a nice visit. We had supper there after and we got home after the boys' bedtime, but they all settled fairly quickly and Jamie even slept in a little bit. It is supposed to get warm today and I hope it really will. Maybe some fresh air that is not painfully cold would do me some good. The boys too. They will be booted outside today for sure. 

Time for me to sign off.





Thursday, January 20, 2011

When the downward spiral is a good thing...

Our toilets don't work. They haven't for several days now. It concerns me. Apparently we have an issue because our stack on our roof got blocked with snow. Our roof is tin, so climbing on it in winter is something of a suicide mission. I wonder, will we have to wait until spring to flush the toilets? No good. I might live in the boonies, but I value our indoor plumbing. So in true redneck style, I found a way to flush that works on both toilets. All you have to do is hold the flusher down until the water gets fairly low and then when you can see it is no longer spinning, madly dump a big pail of water down with as much violence as possible. Works like a charm. Phew. A little more backsplash than I like in a toilet, but maybe tonight I will not dream about overflow like I did last night.

I have been careful not to post in here because things have been rather rough here this week. Yesterday was particularly disastrous, and I was extremely discouraged and upset. Somehow, I got a much better sleep last night, so I was able to hold it together a little better today, but it was still like a very thin layer of calm that was covering the storm underneath. The day was not all good, but it was so much better than yesterday. Now I know that tomorrow is Friday, which means it is the last day I have to face alone this week. Once in a while I go through a time like this where it is hard to just survive each hour of each day. I hope this one won't last long. The toilet thing just adds to the stress, but at least there is a way to flush now. It's almost supper time, so I'm going to sign off. Hopefully I'll have a good report tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Obstacles

I broke my toe yesterday. It is hard for me not to wonder what obstacle will be thrown my way yet. It kept me awake much of the night. I can't walk on it completely properly, though I don't have to limp. It's more like I walk on the side of my foot, with my toes not touching the ground. That's not that big of a deal, right? It is when you're trying to do a workout. The good news is, today I get to do my workout in the absence of my kids. The older two are going to the farm to hang out with their cousins and after I drop them off I will come home, tuck in Micah for his nap, and voila. I am alone. I can't tell you how badly I need that right now. We seem to be in one of those difficult stretches for some reason. I don't know if it's because of the kids or if somehow it's because of me. Maybe they sense my burnout. Maybe having their mother in a bad mood every single day from being woken up at ungodly hours in the morning by screaming and fighting boys causes them to act even worse. I don't know. Jamie just turned three, and unfortunately, he still thinks the most effective way to express himself when someone takes his toy or offends him in any way is to scream or burst into crying. He is in a time out as we speak for one such moment. I can't handle the screaming. It makes me want to scream too. So now I am trying to survive the morning without collapsing or having a tantrum myself. By lunch time I will be home free. I can't wait. I need the space so badly.

Anyway, I'm off for now.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ach!

I'm not having a very good mom-day today. I was awakened at 6:10 a.m. or so by a crying Micah. I tried to wait him out for about five minutes, but I decided it would be best to just go change him and put him back to bed, so I did. He fussed until 8 a.m. when I finally gave up and got him out of bed. I hit mute on the monitor every minute of that hour and a half, desperately hoping for some sleep. It did not come. The boys fought and screamed the whole time, and played loudly. Somehow, I have not been able to dig deep enough to find a good mood this morning. In addition to that, the boys have hit each other and one of them seems to be as angry as a bear today, even to the point of violently attacking and biting one of his brothers. This is hard to handle. It is not really typical, and I hardly know what to do with it. Now I'm dragging my sorry butt around, trying to make some lunch for these guys and somehow I have to dredge up the energy to do an hour long cardio workout this afternoon. In about an hour. Good grief. How is that going to happen?? All I want today is a massive dose of chocolate, and a warm corner to curl up in SILENCE with a good book. But chocolate is off my current menu, silence is the furthest thing from this house, and it's not even warm in here. I'm going to have to glare my way through another workout, barking at the boys to stay out of my way the whole time. Have you ever tried to do a workout when you're really mad the whole time? I find it really hard to get into it. I need to be able to focus on releasing steam when I'm working out and I can't do that when my whole body is tense with anger or frustration. Or both. I just hope I can someday soon get to the place where it feels good to work out and it gives me energy for the rest of the day. Right now, I'm just slogging through.

Friday, January 14, 2011

A vet visit and deep snow.

Yesterday was an eventful day. I was awake at 5:41 a.m. and was unable to get back to sleep, so I started the day grouchy and upset. I stayed in bed until 8 a.m., in an act of rebellion. Then I got up and fed the masses, including the horses. The vet was going to be arriving at 9:30 a.m. to float their teeth. Basically, that means filing them down so there are no sharp ones or ones that are too long. It makes it so they can chew their food better, and it helps them avoid painful sores in their mouths. I wanted to put the girls' halters on before the vet arrived so I took them into the fence and headed to Maybelline first. She was not really excited about it, but she didn't give me too much trouble. Sasha was a little more work. I had to have my arm around her neck and fight with her for a few minutes, and then when I slipped it over her nose she bit me. I was so mad! I gave her a slap on the nose with the halter and then put it on properly. I could not believe she did that. It was only a nip, but the attitude made me mad. It didn't bode well for later. I knew what the vet was going to do to them, and I was dreading it.

I was already grumpy, but then I had to shovel the walk. That was a painful experience in itself, given my already sore muscles from a week of intense workouts. The rest of the morning was all right. I was outside for two hours and got so cold that I am literally still cold this morning. My mom and sister left after lunch. (My mom stayed in the house with the boys while I was with the vet and Andrea was there because her horse was getting done too.) The only good part about it was how amusing it was leading Sasha after she got sedated. She was totally drunk in less than 30 seconds. I thought she'd fall over as I led her to where the vet wanted her.

I skipped my afternoon workout with zero guilt. The previous day was supposed to be a day off but I did a workout anyway, so yesterday I was free and clear. I napped. It was so nice to have a rest.

Today I was supposed to go to town to meet Mike, who is there for something work-related, but we got a massive dump of snow, which rendered yesterday's shovelling job completely void. It looks like the roads are bad, so I don't want to take the boys on the highway. I was very blessed to have something of a sleep-in this morning because Mike gave the boys his iPad before he left. When I did go to the kitchen for breakfast, it was silent in the house. Micah was still sleeping and the other two were in their room with the door shut. I kept stepping in water on the floor, which is one of my pet peeves. I ignored it in favour of getting my breakfast in peace and quiet. It was not long before Jamie emerged and announced to me that he had peed on the kitchen floor. Horrified, I asked him to show me where. He pointed to where I had stepped in a puddle. It figures. I wiped the wet spots with a paper towel. It turned yellow. I could see my day was off to a wonderful start. A while later, Micah puked on the living room floor for no apparent reason. Is this becoming a weekly occurrence? He looks so pathetic with his little black eye.

Anyway, that's my day so far. I am just trying to survive until after lunch when I will somehow have to attempt a really difficult workout when all I want to do is curl up in a ball under my covers and go back to sleep. I hope I will be able to pull it off. I guess the best part about today is that it's Friday. I hope Mike and I will be able to have a fun time in the evening. We might even indulge in some popcorn. I better sign off so I can start preparing lunch.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

One tiny moment...please?

By some small, or maybe large, miracle, I have a moment to myself this afternoon. In a way, I am in denial taking advantage of this moment, but I just can't help myself. You see, Micah is napping. Cody is playing Wii, as a reward for good behaviour while I did my workout, and Jamie went to bed and refused to get up, even when I told him he could play Wii too.

And...there it is. Micah is now crying. So, my wish for a half hour of quiet now that I have done my workout and showered is officially thwarted. This wears on a person's sanity. I say that in all seriousness. Granted, Micah does this every day during his nap time, but sometimes it is hard to get him to go back to sleep. Today, he has a black eye due to a stunt he pulled with a laundry basket yesterday. He did not learn from it. I think Cody is my only child who learns from pain. Hm. Micah is quiet for the moment...I guess I can wait it out a bit and see what happens.

Here is Micah this morning with his black eye. It looks worse in person. He is also very shaggy and needing a hair cut, as you can see.


And one more, just for fun...


There is not a lot to report in here. The boys do what they do every day. Today I snuck into my room to make a quick phone call (not even a personal call, but to arrange a baby shower) and when I returned to the kitchen, the boys were eating Raisin Bran at the table and Micah was standing ON the table. The chandelier was swinging. Micah is 17 months old, for anyone who does not know that. He thinks it's pretty cool that he can get on top of the table all by himself now. I don't find it as cool as he does. Yesterday he took the salt shaker and poured mass amounts of salt all over the table and the floor. This morning, I swept the whole kitchen floor with great vigour and got it to a point where I did not feel like I was walking through sand with glue on my feet. As soon as I put the broom away, Cody spilled Raisin Bran all over the floor. The word "counterproductive" went through my head a million times in a minute. That is the best description of my job and the boys' lifestyle. Sometimes I wonder why I bother at all. I cleaned up the mess and then Micah spilled some more. Wow.

And Micah is still fussing a bit in his room. I will sign off now, in hopes of getting at least a few minutes more to myself. Then I might as well wake up Jamie too. If I don't, our evening will be shot. I have to ask myself, how can I do it all? How can I keep my house clean, keep my boys and husband and myself fed, keep up with laundry, do my workouts, shower, feed the horses, and keep the boys safe and out of trouble, and on top of that, do the writing I want and need to do? So far, I have not found a way. Something has to give. Something is always left by the wayside. Usually, that something is me. I didn't even mention getting enough sleep in there. I won't even bother putting it on the list because right now it is a lost cause.

Micah is chit-chatting now. I really should sign off.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Thick skin.

It turns out I don't have very thick skin at all. Not that I ever really thought I did, but I could sure use it now. Everyone is grumpy today. I was up twice in the night. Once at 2:30 a.m. for one of the boys' nightmares. Then again at 4:30 a.m. for one who had an accident in bed. I was worn out and it occurred to me that I never seem to go longer than three hours without my sleep getting interrupted. I guess this is just motherhood, plain and simple, but after months and years, it really starts to wear a person down. Today, Micah has had meltdowns or tantrums about every 30 seconds to every two minutes. My nerves are shot. I can only brush it off for so long and then I start to lose it myself. Poor baby. He really needs a nap. I am not sure what is going on with him, but it's wicked. They are eating now, and I am just finishing my own lunch. I fed the horses early so I would be ready to do a workout as soon as Micah goes down, which may end up being earlier than usual at the rate he is going.

Oh yeah, I started working out again last Thursday. I have done well so far, and my ankle and wrist seem to be up for the challenge, so we'll see how I do. Today is cardio, and a crazy long one at that. It will be interesting with the boys. They seem to insist on watching the whole time. Well, Cody also tries to participate, but doesn't make it to the end of the workout. Today's will be an hour long, so hopefully they will get bored and go play. I hope I don't have a narcoleptic episode in the middle of it. I'm practically comatose already.

Looks like it's time to go. Hopefully the rest of the day will be more pleasant than the morning has been!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

An outing for mama.

I am going out! It's a miracle! Okay, not as big a miracle as if I were actually going somewhere with Mike, but this is still pretty rare. I am meeting a friend in town for lunch. Girl time. Something in very short supply in my house. I have showered and put on makeup, and I'm even having a pretty good hair day. Those are also in short supply around here, for me anyway. Funny, I feel like I just made it through a week of mommyhood with Mike back at work, but in reality, he has only been back to work for two days and now it's the weekend again. Makes me wonder how I'm going to handle next week. No matter. I will take that as it comes. Meanwhile, I get to go out! Ha! So Mike gets to play Mr. Mom today.

Everything else has been business as usual around here. Mass amounts of cereal have been dumped on the floor, this time Mini Wheats. Micah climbs everything in sight. Our diaper sprayer broke and Micah has picked this time to have more frequent and nasty poops than ever before. Oreo's food has once again been dumped in the basement and spread over as much surface area as possible. Jamie smashed a glass on the floor. Micah threw a bowl of Rice Krispies, complete with milk, on the floor. I'm up to my ears in diaper laundry. And of course, my world is, as always, full of male nudity. I don't know whether girls like being naked as much as boys do, but wow, boys REALLY like to be naked. I have one in particular that gets naked and stays naked as often as he can. Living in this house is not for the faint of heart. Even as I type this, I hear bawling in the boys' room. Jamie. It's always Jamie. No doubt Cody did something mean to him. Yep. Now I'm administering a time out. Mike is doing the dump run. Actually, he's back, but not in the house yet. Nothing like a good discipline session to usher me out the door cheerily to my "girl date". Sigh.

I guess I have to sign off now that Cody is in time out. He is making rude noises at me, so this is no longer enjoyable. Just for the record though, Cody is a really good boy and these days he does not require nearly the amount of discipline that he did half a year ago. Just didn't want anyone thinking he is a brat, because even though he has bratty moments (who doesn't?), he's a really amazing boy.

So, I'm off to let Mike finish this time out so I can get dressed and leave. Bye for now!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Potty training moment.

Oh my goodness, my baby just pooped on the toilet! Haha. Okay, he is not technically a baby anymore. He is now officially 17 months old, and for many moms, that milestone is not shocking at that age. But, he is a boy, and I am told that boys tend to take longer to potty train than girls do. In addition to that, we always train our boys between the ages of two and three. Well, the older two were both trained before they were three. Yep, that's right. Jamie is all done potty training. Phew. I know some people like to really go for it and train their toddlers at the age of 15 months, but that has never been my style. What are the benefits of training a child before they are physiologically capable of going all night with no accidents? Well, the two most popular reasons would be to save money, and to make life easier. Now I hope this won't come across as argumentative or provocative, because in no way do I mean it that way. This is purely my perspective on an issue that is completely a matter of personal choice in one's parenting, as far as I'm concerned. So for me, saving money is not really an issue because I am already using cloth diapers. As a result, I don't have to cringe and groan every time we buy another huge box of pull-ups, or whatever other diapers we would need if we were using disposables. It kind of takes a bit of the pressure off. And here's my other confession. In my opinion, having a "potty trained" child under two years of age is way more work than having one in diapers. I put "potty trained" in quotation marks because I'm a bit dubious about the concept of a child that young being truly trained. Regardless, it means that trips to town, (for me, a 40 minute drive), would then have the added element of having to rush to the nearest bathroom if and when the child had the urge, and then there is also the risk of accidents. Yes, I know it's true that this applies to a newly trained child of any age. The difference is that an older child is more developed in their bladder control and the risk of accidents is significantly lower, and as far as I am aware, the length of time they can "hold it" is significantly longer.

Having said all that, I am still excited that Micah pooped on the toilet tonight. I am also fully aware that he is not going to suddenly get potty trained, just because of one fluky moment. Haha. Fortunately, I am okay with that. I am in no hurry yet. Let me reiterate that the above paragraph is only my philosophy on potty training. No doubt there are moms out there who would think I am insane for that perspective. That's okay. I think we are all insane in our own ways. Certainly once we are mothers, if there was no element of insanity before hand.

And now Cody awaits with wet hair, wearing cozy pyjamas and holding a book anxiously, right beside me. It is time to sign off for now and read to my boys. I'm hoping for a decent night tonight. Micah threw up today, but has been otherwise completely normal in terms of his mood and behaviour, so we shall see. Hopefully the update will be a good one.

Monday, January 3, 2011

It finally happened.

Yesterday I had the day off from house-mom duties. That's right. I spent the day in agony with the stomach flu. It started at 3:30 a.m. and I did not feel any modicum of relief until close to 10 p.m.  I am still sick, but I am back on full duty as Mike seems to have it today. Fabulous. I just went outside and forked hay for the horses, hoping I could finish on time to run back to the bathroom again. I just got Micah fed and cleaned up. The other two are watching TV so they have not eaten yet. I have about ten minutes to relax until their show is over. Then I will have to make something for them. I'm not sure what the day has in store just yet. I'm pretty sure I'll be sitting in my chair reading a book most of the day, getting up only for trips to the bathroom and for necessary kid duties such as feeding, diaper changing and anything else that arises. Oh boy. I can say at the very least that I am grateful that Mike was here when I got sick. Yesterday I could barely even stand except for about 30 seconds at a time, so there is no way I could have taken care of the boys, let alone the horses. Micah was extremely devastated to be kept away from me the entire day. Toward his bedtime, he climbed onto the bed when Mike came in to see me, and he laid down on my chest and put his head down on me, with his arms wrapped around me. It was so sweet. When Mike took him away again, he just wailed and wailed. I felt so bad for him, but I so don't want him to get this. I don't know what the odds are that he won't, but I can hope.

Have to put this aside for the moment. Jamie wants to sit on my lap.

Well, all three boys are in the basement playing now. I am nervous about it, as I don't let Micah go down there, ever, but the last few days he has been joining them and he seems to do very well down there. I was not going to allow it today, but the other two insisted. Micah is actually very good on stairs, but with a concrete floor I get very nervous. Cody is good about watching him and he promised to call me if Micah is getting into trouble. So, I am alone up here for now, which is good. I am going to read for a while. Maybe at some point today I will get up the nerve to eat, but it is hard to say for sure. I'm in survival mode now, but I am very thankful that I am no longer nauseated. Yuck.