Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The straw that broke the camel's back?

It would be impossible to describe all the things that have happened since I last posted in here. Oh, right, that was yesterday. Still, my comment stands. Some of the things that have gone on are so bad, I dare not record them in here. This morning will go down as one of the worst ones I have had as a stay-at-home mom. It is safe to say, I definitely lost it this morning, many times over. The behaviour here has been so bad, so stinky, so gross that I am ready to give up. Is this backlash because I went away for the weekend? Maybe. Ironically, it makes me desperate to do it again.

When I was pregnant with Cody, my sister and one of my friends painted my baby room for me, because we had just built our house and we moved in when I was eight months pregnant and I simply could not do it. They painted the lower half of the walls a very pretty pale green and the upper half a pale blue, with wispy white clouds scattered about. Where the two colours met, they put up an adorable border with cartoon animals on it. I thought it was the most beautiful baby room I had ever seen. I loved it. Here is a picture of it.

I have a better one somewhere, but not on this computer. You can see the baseboards are not on yet in this shot, and it does not show the clouds very well, but it gives you an idea how pretty the room was. 

Well, since then the room has been through a lot. It has been through two different boys in their "poop smearing" phase, their border-ripping phase and their writing on the walls phase. The walls have been smeared with yogurt, melted chocolate chips, blood from when they strummed their return air vent like a guitar and cut their fingers open deliberately and repeatedly and then wiped the blood all over the walls. They have written on the walls in ball point pen, markers, crayons and whiteboard markers. There is a small section of border left on one wall only. They have also chipped and scratched paint off many sections of wall. The carpet now has hand lotion smeared on it, chocolate ground in, and I don't even know what else. The room I once loved I now hate. Usually you can't see the floor at all for all the clothes, bedding, toys, food and garbage that gets spread there every single day. 

And just for the piece de resistance, I just went in their room to check on them, seeing it was so utterly quiet out there. I found them in the closet eating a carton of ice cream with two spoons, and also two granola bar wrappers on the floor. The floor that I cleaned today, prior to the lotion being smeared all over it. I can also clarify that I made them a big, hot lunch today, so they cannot claim to be starving. I won't even tell you the thoughts that are going through my mind right now. All I can tell you is that I can't stop crying. I give up. I just completely give up. I obviously cannot do this. I might as well just leave the ice cream and the brown sugar and the chocolate chips and the coconut and every other bit of food on the counter where they can have an all you can eat, all you can smear buffet every day, all day. This all happened after I rescued Jamie from a serious choking incident when he drank a massive load of salt out of the shaker. A sound came out of his mouth that sounded like some hideous creature that was released from the bowels of the earth. Short of tying them up somewhere, I just have no hope. There is no sanity for me. I don't know what to do.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

U need aq sleepover with your friend caqndy. I will be there soon, and I will give you the biggest hug ever! See you soon!