Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Just me and the coyotes.

We are officially more than mid-way through the week, and things are not looking so good. Mike is down with the stomach flu, and a dark cloud has descended over our household. I find myself full of dread and fear. Anyone who knows me knows how terrified I am of the stomach flu, and as much as I am afraid for myself, I also fear for my kids. Jamie is particularly vulnerable to sickness, and when he gets a stomach bug he gets hit so severe. After last summer, when he was sick for three weeks and in the hospital three times, I get especially fearful of him dealing with stomach flu. We thought we were going to lose him. It was a terrible time.

But tonight, all my boys are sleeping soundly, and have been since 7:30 p.m. I put all three to bed early as it was a long day for me, without any help. Now I am in the living room waiting for my diaper laundry to finish so I can go to bed. In the living room. I think I will sleep better in here tonight. I have made a bed on the floor for myself, and the window is open to let some cool air in. For some reason I am very hot, and I think it may be from all the sun I got today. Outside, it is very still, and in the dusk a distant train rumbles on the track. A lone coyote's howl is echoing intermittently into the night.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Cody has school, but I am feeling inclined to keep him home. It is not rational, but he had a stomach ache yesterday at school and now if Mike is sick, what if Cody has this bug too? I will see how we are all doing in the morning. I hope the boys all sleep through the night tonight. If they do, I will feel like I am living in my own apartment. My bed is small, made from the cushions of our couch and a bunch of extra blankets. I will sleep with the window open tonight, though the sudden chirping of a bird just now is causing me to rethink that strategy. I don't know how I'll feel at 5 a.m. if suddenly all the birds decide it is time to wake up. Do I close the blinds tonight? That is the beauty of living in the country. There are no lights out here. We basically have no neighbours, and we live in the bush anyway, so even headlights on our gravel road, which are rare anyway, are not seen except as a few brief twinkles through the trees in front of us. I don't think there is a moon tonight, so I might keep the blinds open. Maybe I will see stars as I lay down to sleep. That would be nice. Maybe that would help me to be at peace. Sickness has had a hold over our family since mid-March, and it is getting wearisome. Ah. Now I hear a small flock of geese as they fly overhead.

I kind of wish I had not done the diapers tonight. I'd like to just crawl into bed now and at least try to get some sleep. One or more boys have been up nearly every night in the last two weeks with nightmares. Tonight I am taking a risk and leaving the hall light off. I don't have much choice, seeing it would keep me awake all night if I left it on like I normally do. Oh how I hope they will sleep all night. Their obvious exhaustion and grouchiness this week makes me further paranoid about them getting sick.

Anyway, it's time for me to sign off for now. I sure do hope to have a good report tomorrow, but at this point I'm not sure what to expect. And now a chorus of coyotes has joined in the song. Somehow, the mournful sound is comforting to me. I hope they will sing me to sleep when I finally get to bed. Goodnight.

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