Sunday, June 26, 2011

Help wanted.

Today is Sunday, but it feels no different than a week day. I am here by myself with the boys, and will be until supper time. I am feeling a bit like a single mom these days because Mike has been very busy with school stuff and even flood-related work outside. Yesterday he had his school grad and did not get home until after 9:30 p.m.

I did a ton of cleaning yesterday, and right now I have a loaf of bread in the oven, so I should be feeling a bit like supermom, but I'm not. In truth, I'm feeling much the opposite. Once again I have a headache from crying, and even a bit from yelling. I am having a very difficult time with one of my boys right now, and I am at a complete loss for what to do. I feel like an absolute failure as a mother, and I totally feel like quitting. Only I can't. I am trapped here. There is nobody to help, and Mike is going camping tomorrow with his students (and other chaperones, of course), so I will have no help tomorrow or Tuesday either. I am hanging on by the barest of threads here, and I don't see how I will make it through another day, let alone three until I have help with the boys again. Of course, motherhood (and parenthood) is difficult at the best of times, but it's not just the work of meal preparation, bathing and general care that is burning me out. It is the utter defiance that I am dealing with that is beating me down. Literally. I am completely at a loss.

And so here I am in my room, with an adorable toddler who has brought his toys in here to join me. My older two are outside on their play structure, providing me some relief. I guess there is not much else to say. How does a mom continue on when nothing works? When her child is willing to physically hurt her to get his own way? I feel like shutting down completely, but I know that's bad too. It seems no matter which way I turn, it's wrong, or it doesn't work. Where is the supernanny? And how did I become a mom who needs her?

2 comments:

Jo said...

Phone a relative (G) or someone and see about some play dates!!!! You will survive! Play that song over and over and dance around...boogie boogie!

CAT said...

Jo, I wish I could. The problem is, we are trapped here. Mike leaves tomorrow for a camping trip for two days, so it will be even worse. Once he is home for the summer (starting Friday) things will be better. For now, I can't take the boys out during the day.

I love your song suggestion though! I do find that playing upbeat music helps the mood around here. I should remember to do that tomorrow.

On the upside, my loaf of bread turned out completely perfect! Yay!