Friday, June 15, 2012

Attack of the Dynamic Duo

I'd love to say thank goodness it's Friday, but today there is no relief in the end of the week. Mike will be leaving earlier tomorrow than he even does on work days and will likely be gone just as long, at a golf tournament. There won't be much of a weekend, and there is much to get done, so I was hoping for a somewhat successful Friday. Success would be defined, at this point, by getting something done. Anything. Instead, the Dynamic Duo has launched a full scale attack and is going strong.

The morning started very early. I'm not sure what time it was, I just know it was before 7 a.m. when Micah came in our room and pretty much screamed in my ears that one of his brothers had woken him up. How nice of him to pay it forward. Shortly after that, Cody stole the Caramilk bar that Mike had brought home as a treat for us last night. He stole it, and ate it. All of it. Of course. No food items are safe in this house. None. I had to get up and get Cody ready for school. When I entered the kitchen I found a puddle on the floor that I learned was pee. Well, that would explain why Micah was now wearing a pyjama shirt and nothing else. I guess he had an accident. To their credit, they did try to clean it up. They left two soaked, yellow wads of paper towel on the floor under the kitchen table. I was thrilled. Not only did that mean there was something disgusting on the floor, it also necessitated bending over. I can't do that right now. So I had to get Mike to clean up the rest of the mess.

Mike was a good sport about it, despite being in his work clothes already. He cleaned it up. It was not long after that that we discovered our septic system had backed up in the basement. Oh joy. So Mike had to mess around with that for a while, which meant I had to get Cody to the bus. That requires driving him to the end of our driveway, as it is too mucky and wet to walk there. It took a lot of frantic nagging, but I got him there on time. Mike got the pump going, sort-of. I'm not allowed to do laundry today, which is the only chore I am good at. I am nervous about the septic situation, but I'm holding my breath hoping it will not continue to be an issue. I have a ton of laundry I'd like to do, but for now my hands are tied. Mike left later than usual, but he made it. Since then, here are a few things the Dynamic Duo have done.

Cody's bus driver called to make special arrangements for the rest of the school year because apparently our road is being closed. While I spoke to her, there was much screaming and crying going on in the kitchen. Micah came down the hall bawling. He was wearing shorts and no shirt. His belly and shorts were covered in caesar salad dressing. Yes. Apparently his partner in crime turned on him and shot him with it. I was NOT happy. While I talked to the bus driver I tried to clean him up with a cloth. I was blissfully unaware at that point that they had also poured it all over the floor in front of the fridge and oven. That was a discovery I made later. Did you know caesar salad dressing is really sticky when it's on the floor? I didn't. Yesterday it was honey on the floor. That, I KNEW would be sticky. There was also sugar and soya sauce. But that was yesterday.

I have not cleaned up the salad dressing. I mean, it was wiped up by the boys, but the extreme sticky floor remains. I simply cannot crawl around on the floor right now. Even mopping is painful, so it's not going to happen. I was frustrated, to say the least.

Shortly after that, they dumped Fruit Loops on the floor. Repeatedly. Why is it so hard to just sit at the table and eat? Why do they have to pour from bowl to bowl, back and forth, and carry them around the kitchen and other parts of the house? At least there was no milk in the bowls, but still, I now have cereal galore to sweep, and I can't sweep on such a sticky floor. Ugh!

Finally, they decided to go outside to play. I thought that might have been God's mercy until a while later I heard a horn honking. It was the van horn. I ran around looking for the keys. I am very picky about keeping the van locked so they do not go in there. (I grew up in the city, where it is not the norm to leave your keys in your ignition when you are not using your vehicle. Mike has different habits, a result of a different upbringing. Farm life versus city life. Very different.) I did not find the keys. I ran outside to the van where Micah was happily sitting in the driver's seat. Jamie was also in the van, though he tried to hide on the other side of it when he saw me approaching. The van was locked, ironically. I gave Micah a look and demanded that he open his door. He did. I pulled him out and searched. No keys. Jamie finally relinquished them to me, after doing a few laps around the van. I informed them in very clear mom terms that they were not to play in our vehicles. Ever. And that the keys were off limits. Then I stormed back inside.

You know, I had bought a nice little key rack for Mike for his stocking this past Christmas and we had finally put it up at the front door. I have been enjoying the novelty of hanging my keys there and always knowing where they are. Now it is no longer an option. Is there any hope??????

I came back inside and did some tidying up in my room. After a while I realized it was way too quiet. I went to check on the boys outside. There was no sign nor sound of them. I called. I called louder. I started to get nervous. Apparently we have a bear in the area. I found this out this morning. Finally, after frantic yelling, Jamie appeared, looking happy and guilty. I asked him where he was. He didn't answer. I asked him where Micah was. He said "On the tractor". I then had to run outside, again. Yes, Micah was indeed on the tractor, and not the lawn tractor. The big one. I was so mad. They took a tricycle over there so they could climb on. Now I have forbidden them to play outside.

What am I supposed to do around here? We have a million toys on the floor and nobody wants to play with them. Instead, Jamie produces a meat thermometer. Micah wraps himself in a skate shoelace. They play with storage bins. They dump household food products. They turn on the fan and shove objects into the rapidly turning blades. Honestly, I am at a total loss here. My sanity is not even hanging by a thread. It's gone. I don't know whether I have ever been more desperate for a break. But it's not coming. Not soon enough.

And so that is my Friday. So far, anyway. They are small; only four and a half, and almost three years old respectively. But I am no match for them. Even now I had to confiscate a butter knife from Jamie, who was using it to slaughter Fruit Loops. While he did that, Micah choked on his water. He is now yelling in a most excited voice, "Jamie! I spilled water from my nose!" Sigh. I have no more words.

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