Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Gong Show

Some days are just ridiculous. Today is one of them. I mean, I have had worse days by far, but this one classifies as a bit of a gong show. (On a brief aside, I once played a gong solo in an orchestra. Nope, that's wrong. It was just a band, not an orchestra, but still, it was spectacular. Remind me to describe it to you some time. Perhaps tomorrow.) No, today is the kind of day when odd things assemble to complicate life in weird ways.

When you have four children, life is always complicated, so extra complications are not welcome. This morning I was getting Cody and Jamie ready for school and Jamie complained of a tummy ache. You know how I get about any stomach-related illness, so you will not be surprised to hear that I was a little stressed out about this. Jamie has not really been his best self lately, and every day I am waiting for the sickness to manifest itself, but so far he is still okay. Ish. Either way, this morning I was concerned about him because he is so overtired and I had to wake him up to get him his breakfast, so when he told me he wasn't feeling well, I decided to keep him home.

Wouldn't you know it, within about half an hour of the bus taking Cody away, Jamie felt just fine, though he was afraid to admit it lest I haul him off to school. He kept saying his stomach didn't hurt anymore, but it did hurt still. (Basically, he wanted to play with Micah, and he felt fine to do so, but didn't want me thinking he felt too fine, so he pretended his stomach still hurt. Trust me, I know when he is pretending.)

And seeing this is a long story, let me try to sum it up here. I was supposed to pick up these bags of vegetables at the school today (part of a fundraiser) to deliver to the people who bought them from our boys, but I was told they would not be ready until after 1 p.m. That's fine, except that I drop off Micah at 12:20, (and today, Jamie too), and I didn't want to make two trips. So I had to decide whether to get the vegetables at 1 and drop them off late for school, or to come back at 3 p.m. and get the kids and the produce at the same time, and tell the bus driver they would come home with me today. It turned out I was allowed to pick up the veggies at lunch time when I dropped off the boys, so away we went.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that as we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a smell in the kitchen. When I say "a smell", I mean I began checking diaper situations, cat litter situations, garbage situations...you get the idea. My nose is not functioning properly lately, due to sinus problems, so I could not figure out where it was coming from, but I knew it was bad when the boys started to comment on it too. (Smells don't bother them.) I didn't have time to properly investigate, so we left.

In my brilliance, I left early and went the opposite direction to the town where we pick up our mail. I knew it was closed over lunch, but that's only important if you are getting a package, which we were not. Only there was a package card in my box. That meant I would have to return to the post office later. Fun.

Next dilemma, how do I carry six 9 pound bags of veggies out to the van and carry Lauren at the same time? I hauled all three kids into the school, to the kindergarten room. Dropped off the two boys, then took Lauren back outside to the van. (Did I mention you have to take your outdoor shoes off every time you go in the school?) I strapped Lauren in and left her there alone, which I hate doing, but the door was right there, and the veggies were very close to it. I ran back in, cheated and didn't take my boots off, and grabbed all six bags of vegetables. Thankfully, a teacher saw me and helped me carry them out, though I could have done it. (It wasn't that bad, really. Mainly very awkward.)

I had to go to the passenger door and unlock the van with my key, because as you know, my boys buried our old set in the sand somewhere two years ago, so I now have no keyless remote entry system. Thanks, boys. Then we went around to the hatch, which was thoroughly frozen shut. Fabulous. I ended up having to stack them on the front passenger seat. The sliding door on the passenger side is also frozen shut, and also has no door handle, so that is also fun.

Then, I went back past our road and delivered five bags of vegetables to some family members who ordered them. I was not thrilled, because our frozen van doors had opened just enough to set the alarm off and it beeped like the alarm clock from you-know-where for the whole ten or fifteen minutes we drove. Lauren was not happy, as I left her in the van at both stops. (Don't worry, it was running, and it is in the country so nobody was there to steal my van and my baby with it.) Then, I went back to the mail and picked up my mystery package.

We headed home at that point, and the alarm stopped because I did a quick run around the van and "bummed" each door. I must have closed whichever one was the problem. When we arrived home, the smell in the house assaulted me like an invisible tsunami. I wondered whether we were going to need a CSI unit in here. It was now impossible to determine where the smell was coming from, because it was permeating the entire upstairs. Permeating sounds too pleasant. Honestly, I am at a loss for words. I put Lauren to bed, and returned to the kitchen. I figured out that the smell is coming from the dishwasher. Well, that does explain why it came on so suddenly. Aside from the rotting carcass scent, it also has a distinct burning smell. So much for my clean dishes. Did I mention this is a brand new dishwasher? I can't see anything burnt or melted inside of it, but it reeks. Oh how it reeks.

Now, Lauren is sleeping cozily in her room, but I am freezing my hands, feet, nose and everything in between, because I have all the windows open to get rid of the smell. It is -11 C here. That's not as bad as it could be. At least it's not -45, and January. But it is unpleasant all the same. And I don't know what to do about the dishwasher. Wow, it's cold in here. I don't know how long I will last like this. The heat is on, but it's not enough. The temperature is now at 66 F in here, and dropping steadily.  I guess I just have to decide what's worse: my house smelling like a coroner's workspace? Or my house feeling like a glorified igloo? Right now, I get both! GONG!


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